Author Unknown quotes, page 5

Bill Longley: [to Peter] How 'bout a little prayer? It might make you feel better. You don't have to say it out loud; that man up there can hear you thinkin', too.

[last lines]

Burma: I may not need another job. You see, Mr. Trenton asked me to marry him.

Terry Lee: Oh?

Hotshot Charlie: What?

Burma: He got so worried about me he decided it must be love. What do you think, Terry? Shall I accept?

Terry Lee: Well, that depends on whether you...

Burma: Oh, Terry, I knew you wouldn't let me do it! That's exactly what I said to Mr. Trenton. I said I'm practically engaged already.

Hotshot Charlie: [to Terry] Well, congratulations, old man!

Terry Lee: Huh? What? Hey, now wait a minute! I just happened to remember - Chopstick expects us back tonight. Come on, Chaz, we'd better gas up the plane. See you around, Burma!

[Beast Boy deliberately knocks into Raven]

Raven: Sorry...

Beast Boy: You'd better be! Why don't you look where you're going?

Raven: On second thoughts, I'm not sorry and you're a jerk.

Beast Boy: [blocks her path] Y'know Raven, I've been a really nice guy for a really long time. I've put up with your insults and your attitude, and I've had it! Concider this a warning: As of last night, Mr. Niceguy has left the building.

Raven: Is this the part where I'm supposed to be intimidated?

Beast Boy: No, THIS is!

[Changes into a Gorilla]

Jim Hardie: Smooth operators, all right. They know what they're doin'.

Parker, Wells Fargo Agent: They should - they get enough practice. Three out of five stages that leave here get held up.

Niles Talbot: The old rule: treat whores like queens and queens like whores.

Michael Kelso: rudolph had a GIRLFRIEND! ok her name was clarise! she thought he was cute. now if anyone was gay it was that hermey guy, i mean NO straight elf has hair like that!

Bill Longley: [to Peter] I ran away from home when I was about your age. You know what? I haven't stoped runnin' yet.

Robin: Hi, I'm Robin. And we're the...

Terra: Teen Titans. Rock on! It's cool to meet you guys. I'm Terra, and you're Cyborg, Raven, Starfire and...

Beast Boy: BOY BEAST! I-I I mean BATH BOOT! EH! NO!

Terra: Beast Boy?

Beast Boy: AHH!

[turns into a turtle]

Terra: Dude! He's hilarious!

Beast Boy: Hilarious? Me? Really?

Starfire: Curiosity abounds. Please...


Starfire: ...where did you come from? How did you get here? What's your favorite color? And do you wish to be my friend?

Terra: Earth, walked, red, and sure!

Starfire: Welcome new friend!

Nathan Chance: I was always soft about cuttin' a man down for no reason.

Hawk: I make my own reasons!

Nathan Chance: Seems when I went south for a while, I left somebody to cut my throat.

Hawk: Maybe it needed cuttin', Chance. The wolves - they don't follow no sheep.

Niles Talbot: [talking about the electric chair] They say the electric current's so fast that the brain gets cooked just as soon as the switch is thrown... prisoner never feels a thing. Boy, I'd hate to think that was true.

Bill Longley: Well, we can raise a thousand at least. Maybe we can get the rest.

Anderson: But where? Unless the Lord will provide, we're beat.

Bill Longley: Well, we have to have faith.

Katy Clayton: It isn't faith we need; it's money.

[first lines]

[Bill nearly shoots a small boy who was sneaking around his campsite]

Bill Longley: Boy, you came awful close to never growin' up.

Beast Boy Puppet: Dude. Get your BUTT outta my FACE.

Robin Puppet: Can't. Move. DEAL with it.

[Talking about Shelia shoes]

Grunwald: You can learn a lot from a woman's shoes. Screamers usually wear spiked heels. Tight-assas pumps. I wonder how combat boots will fit in.

[last lines]

Captain Joaquin Acosta: You've done my country a great service, my friend.

Bill Longley: Let's say we helped each other's countries.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: Adios, amigo.

Bill Longley: Good luck, Captain.

Terry Lee: Hey, Chops, where are those manifests? We want to get going.

Hotshot Charlie: Aw, he's probably guzzling tea in the privacy of his boudoir... one of those solitary drinkers.

Cyborg: Let's go. If you're done goofing off with your GIRLFRIEND!

Robin: [long pause. ] SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!

Starfire: I am not your friend?

Sheriff: They'll be no vigilantes in my town - not while I'm sheriff!

Parker, Wells Fargo Agent: That might not be as long as you think.

Crypt Keeper: That Grunwald, one little problem and he goes right to pieces. At least now we know what's really eating him.

[Crypt Keeper laughs]

[Longley and Acosta gun down two men who tried to shoot them from ambush]

Bill Longley: No need to ask who sent them.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: After all, death is the end product of Mr. Crawford's business.

Robin: Don't see an off switch, guess I'll have to make one.

Sheriff: You know, a man can only do so much.

Parker, Wells Fargo Agent: So much what? Drinkin'? Gamblin'? Hangin' around in saloons?

Sheila: This place smells horrible.

Samuel: It grows on you. Literally.

Donna Pinciotti: [angrily] Eric, just because a guy pays attention to me does not mean he wants to get me naked!

Eric Forman: Oh, *grow up*!

Donna Pinciotti: [coldly] Is that why *you* paid attention to me?

Eric Forman: *Of course*!... Not! Of course not.

Shep Crawford: Where are you going? I said, where are you going?

Catherine Crawford: As far away from you as possible!

Robin: All of you took a risk to help me protect this. It's only fair that I show you what's inside.

Raven: You don't have to do that Robin. Sometimes secrets aren't meant to be shared.

Cyborg: Even with your best friends.

Cyborg: I used to think that. But not any more.

[opens the briefcase]

Boone Helm: You gotta never for a guy that carries chicken feed!

Jim Hardie: Maybe next time I'll have more - or a gun.

[Grunwald talking to his mother portrait about Sheila]

Grunwald: What do you think, Mother? Prime piece of meat, yes? You jealous old bitch.

Hotshot Charlie: You mean it's *our* plane that's going to be blasted!

Dragon Lady: I do hope you're heavily insured.

Bill Longley: Just in case somebody's outside waiting for us, you go first.

[Bill shoves Phillips out the door]

Pete Phillips: Don't shoot! Don't...

[the crack of a rifle shot is heard]

Bill Longley: Well, Judge, you can go to work now. I think there's been a shootin'.

Shep Crawford: I've heard that you want to talk to me, Captain Acosta.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: You have big ears, senor.

Shep Crawford: In a competitive world one must keep informed.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: Then perhaps you have also heard that eventually I intend to hang you.

Shep Crawford: Is that a threat, Captain?

Captain Joaquin Acosta: No, an inevitability, senor.

Cyborg: Robin when you said we had to stop a crook. I think you left out a minor detail. *You* were the one robbed.

Robin: It doesn't matter.

[first lines]

Katherine Anne Murdock: [narrating] They wanted me to write the truth about the savage west land. Well, I will write the truth. I'll call it "A Wilderness Without Hope". What was it Dante said? "All hope abandon ye who enter here".

Crypt Keeper: Thanks, pal, for nothing.

Bill Longley: [to Catherine] I'll walk you to your lodgings.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: And I'll come along to see no harm comes to either of you.

Gizmo: Who's side are you on, barf-brain?

Red X: Mine.

[blows up Gizmo's vehicle]

Gizmo: Cr-uuu-d!

Theresa Coburn: Treat a man like dirt, Theresa, and he becomes dirt.

Jamie Coburn: A man doesn't run away, Jamie, he stands and fights!

Grunwald: Bruno, Shut up. If you're that hungry, dig up Mother in the garden.

Bill Longley: Mind if I cut in?

Captain Joaquin Acosta: Yes, i certainly do!

Bill Longley: A little honest competition never hurt anybody.

Catherine Crawford: That goes even when applied to an auction.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: He said honest competition!

[Beast Boy and Cyborg have just entered the "happy" part of Raven's mind]

Beast Boy: I think this is where air fresheners come from.

Sheila: Well, who the hell died and made you king?

Grunwald: In the land of the blind, even the one-eyed man is king.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: I know, senora, but how else would I get the opportunity of asking you for a dance?

Catherine Crawford: Thank you, but I... that's not possible.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: Well, then perhaps we could talk, huh? Now, ah, what would be a good topic of conversation? Ourselves, the fiesta... guns and ammunition?

Catherine Crawford: You offered a choice. I would prefer we speak of ourselves.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: Our acquaintance is far too brief to speak of ourselves. As for the fiesta - you've seen one, you've seen them all. So nothing remains to be discussed but...

Catherine Crawford, Captain Joaquin Acosta: ...guns and ammunition.

Catherine Crawford: What an unpleasant subject for such a beautiful evening.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: Very true, senora.

Catherine Crawford: Then lets not talk of it.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: I was oh so curious why someone so young and beautiful would want 7500 dollars worth of death and destruction

Catherine Crawford: I think we'd better dance, after all.

Terry Lee: You know, when he got off the hook with the lieutenant this afternoon, I thought he'd be a nice, sweet, lovable guy.

Chopstick Joe: Don't laugh, Terry. I was on the spot!

Hotshot Charlie: Why? You were innocent.

Chopstick Joe: That's what made it rough. I didn't know how to handle myself.

Raven: That mirror is for meditation. It's portal into my *mind*! Not a *TOY*!

Sheriff: Well, gentlemen, you look like you're goin' huntin'.

Sanders: Yes, we are.

Biedler: And you're the game, Plummer.

Molly: That can't be very satisfying, demolishing a dormant vegetable. Or are pumpkins fruit?

Carl Schlag: Excuse me... I thought I was alone.

Molly: Obviously. Got quite a temper, Carl. And that girlfriend of yours, she's got a set of lungs on her like Voice of America.

Carl Schlag: Ex-girlfriend.

Molly: Oh. Right. I got that.

Carl Schlag: Look, it's, uh, y'know... I'm just... uh... I'm not like she says... uh, I, I... certain wrongs, deserve certain justifiable actions.

Molly: I don't disagree.

[Catherine has out-bid Longley and Acosta for cases of rifles]

Bill Longley: Well, it looks like neither one of us will get those rifles.

Captain Joaquin Acosta: I never believe that one disappointment made a defeat.

[referring to the Dragon Lady]

Hotshot Charlie: This gal's got more angles than a jigsaw puzzle.

Cyborg: [lost inside Raven's mind] Hey, I know where we are! We're in that place that I didn't know where we were before.

Carl Schlag: Listen, uh, not to be rude or anything, but, uh... what are you? I mean, the costume?

Molly: I'm a bodybag. I thought the invitation said "come as you are".

Carl Schlag: W-well, how are you a bodybag?

Molly: A synthetic shell with a corpse inside.

Carl Schlag: Oh yeah... well, you look... pretty lively to me...

Molly: Yeah, well... don't we all? I better hit the road, before I lose what little mind I have left. The creeps will be coming back in here any minute and I am *so* weary of being hit on.

Donna Pinciotti: David Milbank? Aw, barf! Eric, remember when you beat him up on the playground?

Eric Forman: Yep!


Eric Forman: I kicked his ass.

Jackie Burkhart: Wait, wasn't he the kid with scoliosis and asthma?

Eric Forman: Yep.


Eric Forman: And I kicked his *ass*!

[last lines]

[rather than face the Cades alone, Kerrigan enlists with a U.S. Cavalry unit]

Sam Kerrigan: Sorry, Marshal, that makes me government property.

Sergeant: Anyone else? Your chance to go down in history, boys.

Bill Longley: Do you mind sayin' where your bound for, Sergeant?

Sergeant: Orders say to join General Custer on the Little Big Horn. All right, lets go.

Sam Kerrigan: Oh, Longley... there goes your turkey shoot.

Dr. Light: Bit of advice; find shorter magic words.

Boone Helm: Oh, mister, you got a crust travelin' with seventeen dollars!

Jim Hardie: Goin' to the diggin's, not comin'.

Molly: Oh, I tell ya... you could line a pack of Luckies between my thighs...

Dragon Lady: Whatever you do, Chopstick Joe, remember your head.

Chopstick Joe: My head?

Dragon Lady: Whatever you do, you would be most useless without it.

[ten members of the Cade family wait outside the saloon for Kerrigan to leave]

Bill Longley: Look, Bill, together we got a real good chance. Now two thousand dollars is a lot of money - half of it is yours.

Sam Kerrigan: You can't have a turkey shoot without a turkey.

Robin: [after Starfire hits them all on the head with a rolling pin to break Mother Mae-Eye's spell] Umm... why am I in a giant pie?

Beast Boy: Why am I in a bunny suit?

Raven: [angry] Why am I in a dress?


Sylvia Vane: Raven! you're freelance now, honey!

Raven: No shit!

[Bill slaps Kerrigan with a sack holding a dead rattlesnake]

Sam Kerrigan: It'll wash off.

Bill Longley: No it won't.

Sam Kerrigan: Two thousand dollars buys a lot of soap.

Lt. Leong: With Chopstick, one looks for the devious, not the obvious.

Starfire: Friends! Awaken! Alarm!

Starfire: [in one breath] The Mother Mae-Eye is not truly our mother, but an evil witch who has tricked us all and invaded our home and forbidden our missions and stolen our boogers and keeps us all under her spell with frequent and plentiful helpings of enchanted pie!

[stops and gasps for breath]

Raven: So... what now?

Cyborg: I think she's saying she wants more pie.

Theresa Coburn: A man marries a woman for better or worse... there's nothin' in the vows that says anything about living in shame, is there?

Ronnie Price: Hello.

Sylvia Vane: Hello yourself. All this yours?

Ronnie Price: Mm-hm.

Sylvia Vane: Mm, life's tough...

Ronnie Price: I get by.

Sylvia Vane: I don't wanna tear you away from your guests.

Ronnie Price: Well, I saw you and let's just say something more important came up.

Sylvia Vane: That sounds like a cheap sexual innuendo to me.

Ronnie Price: Oh, I'm sorry. It was supposed to sound like an expensive one.

[Sylvia looks over her shoulder and spots Ronnie's date eyeing the two suspiciously]

Sylvia Vane: You don't think it's rude to leave your date, to go make a pass at another woman?

Ronnie Price: Who's makin' a pass? We haven't even met yet...

Sylvia Vane: True. I'm Sylvia Vane. That's V, A, N, E, as in weather.

Ronnie Price: I'm Ronnie Price, as in, everyone has theirs.

[Sylvia looks over her shoulder once more and spots Ronnie's date now looking extremely jealous]

Sylvia Vane: Don't look now, but I think Miss Clairol might be gettin' the wrong idea...

Ronnie Price: I was kinda hopin' the wrong idea might become the right idea...

[Sylvia faces Ronnie, gets up close and then slaps him in the face]

Ronnie Price: What are you? A psycho?

Sylvia Vane: Just playin' hard to get...

[after Longley wounds Lew Cade, Kerrigan shoots Cade in the back, killing him]

Bill Longley: You set me up so you could be in at the kill.

Sam Kerrigan: We couldn't have a turkey shoot without a turkey.

Starfire: But how do I...

[snap Beast Boy out of his trance]

Cyborg: Make him laugh!

Starfire: [to Beast Boy] How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar!

Beast Boy: [no response]

Starfire: Umm... boo-gers?

Beast Boy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Boogers!

Jamie Coburn: Theresa, do you remember the good times we used to have around this table?

Theresa Coburn: And the bad.

Ronnie Price: D'you think it's a little rude to slap the host and leave without sayin' goodbye?

Sylvia Vane: Thank you very much, Mr. Price, you have a lovely apartment. G'night...

Ronnie Price: Wait! I don't know the first thing about you. At least tell me why you came.

Sylvia Vane: I haven't... yet. Look, we're both playing games, you know it and I know it. Truth is, you *do* know the first thing about me. You knew the second I walked in the room, the second I walked through that door... I'm the girl of your dreams, right?

Ronnie Price: You wanna get out of here?

Sylvia Vane: Thought you'd ever ask.

[about Jackie]

Eric Forman: Donna, you have to let her stay with you. Come on, she's your best friend.

Donna Pinciotti: She's not my best friend.

Eric Forman: Well, then who's your best friend?

[Donna thinks it over]

Donna Pinciotti: Oh crap. How the hell did that happen?

Fez: Im so excited to see Star Whores!

Steven Hyde: No Fez, it's Star Wars.

Fez: Screw that!

Dragon Lady: How nice to see you again, Golden One.

Terry Lee: I'm sorry, I can't say the same for myself, Dragon Lady.

Abraham Lincoln: My boy, my advice to you is never give up. I lost almost every election I was in, but I didn't give up. I saw the United States fall nearly under, but I didn't give up. Then I was shot in the head... it's pretty difficult not to give up at that point.

Doc Bell: The love of money is the root of all evil.

Curly: I never knew you to have any objections to it before, Doc.

Doc Bell: I refer to the *love* of money, not money per se.

Cammy: If I ever see that bloodsucking rodent again, I'm gonna break both his wings!

Bill Longley: I'm curious, Mr. Anderson. Why do they shoot ministers in Phillipsburg?

Katy Clayton: Because the men in this town got chicken soup in their veins instead of blood.

Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I have dreams that come true.

Elaine O'Connor-Nardo: So you're psychic?

Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Yeah, yeah, I'm psychic. I didn't tell you guys about it before, because I didn't want you to think I was offbeat or something.

Tony Banta: With Jim, who knows, maybe this guy can see into the future. He definately can't see anything in the present.

[upon receiving an emergency telegram, Jim gives his stacks of poker chips to a beautiful saloon girl]

Jim Hardie: They're all yours, Dixie.

Dixie: You're kidding! For what?

Jim Hardie: For nothing - right now. But I'll think of somethin' before I get back.

Cammy: Ford.

Ford: What the hell ya been doin' all day, baby?

Jimmy Picket: I think you mean who.

Lt. Leong: Who killed Mr. Norton?

Chopstick Joe: Not having crystal ball in good working order, nor hindsight, nor foresight... I do not know.

Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I've got terrible news for you Alex you're going to die

Alex Reiger: We're all going to die Jim.

Reverend Jim Ignatowski: Well, yeah, yeah, but not on thursday we're not.

Sunset: My friend taught me how to handle a gun and, if necessary, I won't hesitate to show you. Call in your friend from the front porch.

Ovie Swenson: She's just bluffin', Jim.

[Sunset cocks her pistol]

Jim Hardie: She bluffs pretty good, Ovie.

Chopstick Joe: Do like she says.

Terry Lee: Not until she tells me where Burma is.

Dragon Lady: Your concern for her is touching.

Hotshot Charlie: And infuriating, eh, D.L.?

Dragon Lady: [to Hotshot] Your ears would make a lovely loving cup for my mantle.

Bob: Hi, I'm Bob Dogman.

Steve Beauchamp: [whispered] Bob Dogman?

Marty DePolo: Hey, it was either that, or Fred Buttsniffer.

Jim Hardie: Norris disappeared along with five thousand dollars from the company safe the same night Frank Dane was killed.

Sheriff: So you add two and two and come up with five thousand.

Louie: [after saving the kingdom of Macadamia from a coup] So are we going back to Macadamia?

Baloo: Oh no, I've had enough of those nuts!

Louie: We going out on that joke?

Baloo: Looks like it.

Burma: Look, boys, it's very simple. I'm on an assignment!

Terry Lee: Huh?

Burma: For Affiliated News Service. I met Mr. Trenton, the head of the Singapore office last week and talked him into giving me a crack at a job.

Hotshot Charlie: You mean as a reporter?

Burma: Sure! A girl can't live on her tonsils forever.

Laurie Forman: Hey little brother. I made out with Kelso.

Eric Forman: SHUT UP!

Laurie Forman: What is wrong with you?

Eric Forman: Everything is wrong. Donna's mad at me, and the plant's closing, dad's out of a job.

Laurie Forman: Oh wow, I guess this is a bad time to tell him I flunked out of college.

Eric Forman: You know what Laurie, I cannot believe that you're the favorite.

Laurie Forman: Yeh. Doesn't it kick ass.

Katie Beauchamp: We'll say it on the count of three at the same time.

Steve Beauchamp, Katie Beauchamp: 1, 2, 3.

Steve Beauchamp: I love you.

Katie Beauchamp: I didn't know you cared.

Marty DePolo: I taught her that before I died.

Dixie: When are you going to stop playing around, Jim and settle down?

Jim Hardie: Well, whenever you say the word. What are you drinkin'?

Dixie: The usual.

Jim Hardie: Two beers.

Dixie: You know, I think you're a little bit too late, mister. I just got myself engaged while you were gone.

Jim Hardie: You're kidding! You can't do that - it's not fair to all the customers.

Cammy: Going somewhere?

Jimmy Picket: I'm going to tear your head from your shoulders and stick out your throat!

Ford: Tell it to someone who cares! You can't kill us, we're already dead!

Cammy: He's right! Fight's over, Count Chocula! You can walk away peaceful, or in pieces! Your choice!

Pam: Steve, I don't know why you want to sing "Frog Went A-Courtin'" in a British accent at 3am, but cut it out!

Marty DePolo: I'll do my best, God.

[turns to leave, but then turns back]

Marty DePolo: You are God, aren't you?

God's cousin Rod: Well, um, no. I'm God's cousin, Rod. But I got this job on my own merits.

Jeb Gaine: Hold it up there, hold it up, hold it up!

Jim Hardie: Now what's the matter?

Jeb Gaine: If I wanted my leg broke, I could have had the horse do it. What do you think I am back here, a...

Jeb Gaine, Jim Hardie, Beau McCloud: ...sack of seed?

Jackie Burkhart: Steven! I called three times within the last half hour!

Steven Hyde: Yeah, I figured it was you because all the calls came during the commercials for "The Newlywed Game".

Lt. Leong: Experience has taught us the guilty one makes the most noise about his innocence.

Chopstick Joe: Experience, Lieutenant, is word police use for mistake.

Reverend Jim Ignatowski: I quit drugs for a dollar thirty-five? What was I thinking of?

[first lines]

[a telegraph key rattles off a message]

Jim Hardie: Da-dot-da-dot-dot. There it goes again - the same old message I've received a hundred times. Jim Hardie - Washoe Hotel or Capitol Bar - Washoe, Nevada: report Benson Colfax immediately, Hopper. Never can you, will you or is it convenient or anything like that. No, just report. Now, pronto or quicker if possible. If I was lying in my coffin, I'd be expected to get up and report. That's the way Wells Fargo trained their men.

Cammy: Ford, don't be such a wanker! This isn't a good idea and you know it!

Ford: I don't know what a "wanker" is and I don't care. Look, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Whoever heard of puttin' a laundromat in a bank?

Ewan Doherty: [Ewan opens the door to Penny who interrupted his class] Is everything OK?

Penny Neville: Could you tell Anthony that I need to speak to him?

Ewan Doherty: We're in the middle of a lesson. Can I just give him a message?

Penny Neville: Okay, tell him that I'm gagging for it and if he'd meet me outside in ten minutes, he could shag me up the ass. Thank you.

Ewan Doherty: [speaking to Anthony] Um, Ms. Neville needs to speaks to you. She says it's important.

Anthony Millington: Could you just tell her I'm busy?

[Ewan looks at Penny and closes the door]