Author Unknown quotes, page 3

Jack: Cynthia, please! If you keep on like this you're gonna kill me!

Cynthia: Kill you? If I was going to kill you, I wouldn't do it with words. No, I would do it little by little. First, I would cut off your dick! Ah, what the hell, you haven't used the thing in 20 years!

Donatello: [after beating the Purple Dragons] Well, that was easier then expected.

Raphael: I hope there are more of those guys. I'm just getting warmed up.

Michelangelo: [Notices the Foot arriving] Uh, well, looks like you got your wish, Raphy-boy.

Leonardo: Are those guys... ninjas?

Michelangelo: Well, they're certainly ninja-esq.

Eric: Okay, guys. Road trip checklist. Car: Check. Okay. We're good.

Fez: Is there anything about Canada we need to know before we get there?

Steven Hyde: Well, the beer is stronger, and as a result, their women look prettier.

Fez: Then let's haul ass to Canada!

Eric: Okay. Shh. Fez. If my dad finds out that we're going to Canada uh, for beer, no less, he's gonna start killing people, okay? People like us. So keep it down.

Michael Kelso: [Runs up to the guys] All right! Canada! Whoo-hoo! Beer!

[blows his horn]

Eric: Kelso, you're not going.

Michael Kelso: What? Why not?

Steven Hyde: Because this is a risky mission and you tend to screw these things up.

Michael Kelso: That is a damnable lie!

Eric: Okay. Kelso, remember that time we were gonna put a flaming bag of dog poop in front of Principal Pridwell's door, and you lit it in the car on the way over?

Michael Kelso: Yeah, I wanted to see it all flamey.

Eric: And then you panicked and stepped on it.

Michael Kelso: Eric, it was on fire!

Eric: Okay, You're not going.

Michael Kelso: No, no, no. Fine. I won't use the air horn, and I'll pay for the gas and the beer

Eric: I can't stay mad at you... Come on, you big lug.

Leo: [already sitting in the backseat of the car] Hey, dudes.

Steven Hyde: Leo, man, what are you doin' here?

Leo: Sittin'. What are you doin' here?

Steven Hyde: We're goin' to Canada to buy beer.

Leo: Canada? Cool, man. I spent some time up there during 'Nam.

Eric: Oh, conscientious objector, huh?

Leo: No. I didn't mind. Hey, a road trip sounds good, man, but I don't want nothin' to do with that beer. That stuff will mess with your mind, man.

Steven Hyde: We're part of an elite, high school terrorist team. The Strike Force Wisconsin!

Crypt Keeper: That Cynthia's a real shrieking violet, wouldn't you say, kiddies? A regular afterlife of the party!

[laughs maniacally]

Crypt Keeper: Didn't know I was a bore scout, did you? Well I am! My horrorticulture scareit badge requires me to plant croak-uses. Hmmm... A shame, really... I'd much rather plant... diebrids!

[laughs maniacally]

King Nebuchadnezzer II: Israelite? Aren't I supposed to be a donkey now? Or is it a giraffe? Or a crocodile?

Daniel: It is not certain when the should happen...

King Nebuchadnezzer II: Look, Israelite. Look at my city. The gardens, the marketplaces, the courts! I built Babylon! Only I.. with my own hands!

Bryan: [after the RCMP officers discover Fez has his Green Card] Now, leave Canada please!

Leo: YOU leave Canada please!

Crypt Keeper: GERONIMO!

[falls from the sky]

Crypt Keeper: So glad you could drop in, kill-seekers! Don't worry about me, it only *hearse* when I laugh!

[laughs maniacally and then groans in pain]

Crypt Keeper: Boy, that was good! It's even better than hang-gliding!

[laughs maniacally]

Crypt Keeper: Of course, some folks would rather keep their feet on terra firma, like the people in tonight's putrid piece. They're spending a nice, quiet weekend in the woods, going *hack* to nature!

[laughs maniacally]

Crypt Keeper: I call this fetid fable... Curiosity Killed.

Chopstick Joe: Ask me twenty questions, boys, but let's not get violent.

Hotshot Charlie: Animal, vegetable, mineral or money?

Steven Hyde: This is starting to feel like work, the Feds have ruined the circle man

Michael Kelso: The circle's what's keeping us sharp, if it wasn't for the circle, we wouldn't have known the Feds were after us, planning our every move, I say thank you for the circle

Red Forman: [Red walks out into the driveway] Wellll, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high-school dumbass with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges.

Steven Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.

Donna Pinciotti: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell outta here.

Steven Hyde: Kelso finally figures out how to use a phone and we're all going to jail!

Eric Forman: Maybe its not them, I mean the Feds wouldn't park a car right outside my house

Steven Hyde: Everything you think the Government's not doing, they are doing, the only thing they didn't do was land man on the moon, Spielberg shot the whole thing in a Hollywood movie set, that's how he got the job for Jaws!

Steven Hyde: [Eric is carrying a red plastic light saber] You know that's not a real weapon?

Eric Forman: I know

Steven Hyde: Not even if you really, really believe

Eric Forman: I don't

[Hyde walks away]

Eric Forman: Don't let me down baby

[He kisses the light saber]

Red Buckley: Red Knight takes Black Queen!

Jackie Burkhart: I would never be in an alley because I'm not poor and if I ever was in an alley, I would have a boy with me to protect me

Donna Pinciotti: Jackie you're not always going to be with a guy, you're not with one now and no I don't count

[last lines]

Chopstick Joe: I didn't know the rice was rotten.

Dragon Lady: No doubt you did not.

Chopstick Joe: There's limits to how far even old Chopstick would go to make a buck.

Dragon Lady: As you acted in good faith, I have no alternative but to pay you your commission.

Chopstick Joe: Now you're cookin'!

Dragon Lady: Guard! I am prepared to pay the first installment now.

[the guard leaves a barrel of moldy rice]

Chopstick Joe: But this stuff is rotten, dear.

Dragon Lady: It is, isn't it?

Chopstick Joe: Sometimes I think I never should have gone straight.

Michael Kelso: One thing I don't get is if the Feds weren't after us all day, why did they send a bugged vacuum?

Fez: [sarcastically] Why don't you call them and ask?

Michael Kelso: That's a good idea

Michael Kelso: What kind of country is this if you can't make even one threatening phone call to the President?

Eric: [after Eric failed to make a cabin out of Lincoln Logs] I made a Millennium Falcon.

Red Forman: If that's a Star Wars thing, I'm going to kick you in the ass.

Chopstick Joe: [fleeing] I have a plane to catch!

Hotshot Charlie: I have a throat to slit!

Jackie Burkhart: [To the karate instructor] Someone might follow one of these other women home but when people follow me, its usually to ask me where I get my hair done or to give me presents

Donna Pinciotti: That's true, I've seen it

Cynthia: How does it feel?

[Jack, Harry and Lucille, after drinking the youth potion, buckle over in pain]

Cynthia: I thought I'd... improve the recipe. I, I put a little vodka in it.

Lucille: No, no! You shouldn't do that!

Cynthia: Oh, but I did! But only after saving some of the pure stuff for myself.

Jim Caldwell: Well, he busted me again. I'll pay you back as soon as I can.

Bill Longley: General Delivery, San Antoine. You're not as busted as you could be... you almost murdered a man tonight.

Splinter: Remember, to be a true ninja you must become one with the shadows. Darkness gives the ninja power, while light reveals the ninja's presence.

Jackie Burkhart: There were dogs on the path so we climbed to the top of this tall thing to get away from them

Donna Pinciotti: That was me

Fez: Dogs?

Donna Pinciotti: What did you do!

Eric Forman: What! Nothing! Kelso thought there was a death ray so he called the White House and we thought the Feds were after us! But its okay, we just imagined it

Donna Pinciotti: I'm cutting you off, where's your stash?

Michael Kelso: Its all gone man

Steven Hyde: [Fourth circle] The Feds have ruined the circle man

Michael Kelso: The circle's what's keeping us sharp, if it wasn't for the circle, we wouldn't have known the Feds were after us, planning our every move, I say thank you for the circle

Hotshot Charlie: We'd better get some help.

Terry Lee: There's no time.

Hotshot Charlie: There's a household full of thugs in there - a whole mob of them.

Terry Lee: We'll have the element of surprise in our favor.

Hotshot Charlie: I'd rather have a half dozen cops.

Fez: [They think a van parked across the street is the FBI] Its just a dog catcher van

Steven Hyde: That's what they want you to think man

Michael Kelso: Yeah a real dog catcher van wouldn't say dog catchers because otherwise the dogs would see it and run away

Fez: I can hear dogs inside

Steven Hyde: Its obviously a recording, alright, on the count of three, one, two, three

[They open the doors releasing a bunch of dogs]

Steven Hyde: I don't know if its the fresh air talking but I'm beginning to think this entire thing is just our imagination

Eric Forman: I think we need to let this whole imagination thing go

[almost hits Fez with his red plastic light saber]

Eric Forman: Whoa, watch out, I almost cut you right in half there man

Karate Instructor: You don't understand Jackie, I am a stranger who wants to hurt you

[gets in a fighting stance]

Jackie Burkhart: I'm not buying it

Donna Pinciotti: [to Jackie] Okay maybe its not a stranger, maybe its someone who's already hurt you like Hyde

Jackie Burkhart: Watch it Donna

Donna Pinciotti: You with a glimpse of hope asked him if you had a future and he said I don't know

[to the other students]

Donna Pinciotti: I don't know! Like Jackie Burkhart wasn't special enough, I thought Jackie Burkhart was special but apparently you're no better than me

Jackie Burkhart: All men are bastards!

[She pushes the karate instructor behind the screen and hits knee, punches and elbows to the back of the neck]

Jackie Burkhart: I'm better then everyone and its Jackie, not Jackie san,just Jackie, dork san

[She kicks him in the nads]

Dragon Lady: Mr. Lee, a word of caution - do not abuse my hospitality. Am I clear?

Terry Lee: You're positively transparent.

Jackie Burkhardt: Oral test on the penal code!

[Jackie, Hyde, and Fez start laughing hysterically]

Steven Hyde: Seriously Jackie don't you have something to say?

Jackie Burkhart: Like what?

Steven Hyde: I don't know, I'm a spoilt, crazy whack job and I'm sorry

Fez: That's no way to talk to a lady

Michael Kelso: Especially a spoilt crazy whack job, that's likely to get you killed

Reginald "Red" Forman: [entering] Oh my god, there's a hundred morons in my basement! Not even that's going to ruin my day

Eric Forman: Yes only one and one man only has the power to do that, tis I

Reginald "Red" Forman: No not even you can do that and who the hell talks like that

Kitty Forman: Red, honey you were happy remember?

Reginald "Red" Forman: Today's the first day of winter and I'm going fishing

Kitty Forman: I'll come too, I'll grab my fishing stick

Reginald "Red" Forman: I don't want to go

Kitty Forman: Why not?

Reginald "Red" Forman: Because I don't want you to go

Michael Kelso: [using a golf stick like a shotgun] Burn

Eric Forman: [to a vacuum they think has a bug in it] You're looking for Michael Kelso

Michael Kelso: Quit it

Eric Forman: No this whole thing is your fault.

Michael Kelso: If its anyone's fault, its Hyde's because he got dumped by Jackie so we had to be nice to him

Fez: Go easy on the kid! Breaking up with Jackie was the biggest mistake he ever made, remember we were talking about it behind his back!

Steven Hyde: Shut up Fez, if I want to hear your advice, I'll kick you in the nads

Fez: Oh in that case my advice is please don't kick me in the nads

Eric Forman: [in a loud voice] Maybe the Feds have some advice, remember they're listening with the


Eric Forman: V-A-C-U-U-M

Steven Hyde: [They look puzzled for a little bit] It spells Vacuum.

Michael Kelso: Vacuum has two U's in it, that's messed up

Eric Forman: Kelso if you tell the White house there's a death ray, they're going to have you committed, I say go for it

Michael Kelso: Of course they're not going to admit it, I got to trick them into saying it, its what cops call

[uses air quotes]

Michael Kelso: tricking them

[on the phone]

Michael Kelso: hello white house, I have a few questions, how well is the President protected? Because someone wants to hurt the President, damn right its a threat, a threat on the President's life! Where am I now? I'm at Red Forman's house in Point place

Eric Forman: No!

[Eric and Hyde hang up the phone]

Steven Hyde: You idiot! You just told them where we are, they're going to come here and arrest us

Michael Kelso: They should arrest the Russians, they're the ones with the death ray!

Fez: You didn't mention the death ray!

Michael Kelso: Ah ha! So you admit there is a death ray!

Hotshot Charlie: I yield to no one in my appreciation of Oriental art, but there is a small segment of my mind which I reserve for the well-being of Charles C. Charles - Hotshot Charlie to the multitudes - and at the moment I feel myself somewhat depressed about his future.

Eric Forman: The Feds wouldn't park a car right outside my house

Steven Hyde: Everything you think the Government aren't doing, they are doing, the only thing they didn't do was land man on the moon, Spielberg shot the whole thing in a Hollywood movie set, that's how he got the job for Jaws!

Steven Hyde: [The third circle] This is our third circle today and it hasn't calmed me down at all!

Fez: I can't be sent back to my home country, my parents would be ashamed, I'd get stoned and then they'd throw rocks at me

Eric Forman: I think we all need to settle down! Just settle down! Who's yelling! Who is yelling!

[about the dance]

Eric Forman: Yeah, I'm just glad it's in the gym. There's nothing like celebrating the most romantic day in your life in a room where I got my first wedgie.

Donna Pinciotti: It meant I liked you, Eric.

Dragon Lady: There are more pleasant things to dwell upon.

Terry Lee: If he's hurt...

Dragon Lady: Of course not. He is expensive merchandise.

[Terry and the Dragon Lady kiss]

Terry Lee: Pretty delicious package yourself.

Dragon Lady: Well then?

Terry Lee: Too much whipped cream. I can't take the calories.

Dragon Lady: Be careful, Mr. Lee. If I can't have your heart, I may take your head.

Kitty Forman: What kind of burglar robs people on a weeknight? Doesn't he have a job to go to in the morning?

Fez: If Hyde's right and the Feds are outside, we have to dispose of the evidence

Eric Forman: [The second circle] Good job disposing of the evidence guys

Michael Kelso: Eric you better take this seriously, we have a lot of evidence to dispose of, even more than at the Pink Floyd concert

Fez: Without all the smoke machines and lasers this is just like punishment

Steven Hyde: I never thought I'd say this but I wish I had more people to share this with

Eric Forman: Poor little tough guy hiding behind his bluster

Steven Hyde: Shut up Forman, I'm fine!

Michael Kelso: Sounds like someone needs a tickle

Fez: No I'm okay

Eric Forman: We're your best friends and we're not going to let you go through this alone

Michael Kelso: Eric's right

[climbs over the couch]

Michael Kelso: we're going to do something that guys do

Fez: A massage train?

Michael Kelso: No

[to Hyde]

Michael Kelso: so we got you a present

Michael Kelso: [The circle] This is a great present guys, I especially like the teeny white paper you wrapped it in

Michael Kelso: The Russians have a Russian death ray aimed at the White house, I read it in a magazine

Eric Forman: That was the Flash and it is a comic book

Fez: I love comic books, sometimes I wish I had thought bubbles, do you see anything?

Steven Hyde: The Russians don't have a death ray man but they do have a stupid ray and its pointed at your head

Michael Kelso: They do have a death ray and I'll prove it, where's the phone?

Eric Forman: Kelso I'm not allowed to make long distance calls without permission

Michael Kelso: They've got me on hold, oh and they're playing the theme song to the President

Eric Forman: Hail to the chief

Michael Kelso: Thank you Eric but I'm trying to enjoy the President's theme song

Leonardo: [to Lord Hebbe, a giant snake] I hate to mention this, but you don't have any arms. This isn't going to be much of a fight.

[Lord Hebbe winds around Leonardo like a python, squeezes him and throws him across the room]

Leonardo: [Upside down against the wall] Note to self: arms are overrated.

Donna Pinciotti: So Eric made friends with me when I was five so he could do it with me when I'm seventeen?

Michael Kelso: Well, that, and your sweet Big Wheel.

[discovering Morell is eavesdropping, Terry and Hotshot supply false information to throw him off the scent]

Hotshot Charlie: Was I dumb enough?

Terry Lee: Naturally. You're hired.

Hotshot Charlie: We must play Little Theater again sometime.

Walt: We only have one problem - that witness.

Nate Woods: Yeah? Well, you're forgetting Bill Longley.

Walt: I have an idea that a bullet in the back will kill Bill Longley as well as the next guy.

Prof. Willard W. Willard: [to giant monkey] Bad, bad monkey!

Donatello: You're not planning to spank him are you?

Thaddeos E. Klang: You have a sharp tongue madam. But my teeth are sharper!

[Bites through a chain]

Jackie Burkhart: Oh. You're here. Didn't know they let slut-balls in here.

Annette: Well I saw you here so I thought it was okay.

Jackie Burkhart: Oh, you don't know it but you just burnt yourself.

Annette: Oh, I know it. The question is do *you* know it?

Eric Forman: Donna, are you following this?

Donna Pinciotti: Um, I think one of them is a slut-ball and the other one knows it.

Dr. Neal Carter: They tried to kill me! Why?

Bill Longley: Because you can identify them and a dead witness is no witness.

Terry Lee: That green stuff's gone to your gray matter, Chops.

Bebop: Earth, make way for Bebop and Rocksteady!

Rocksteady: And away we go!

[Bebop and Rocksteady crash into the portal as it closes and Krang laughs]

Rocksteady: Why'd you do that?

Krang: Because I enjoy seeing both people and animals suffer. And you, my friends are both!

Don: What's the answer?

Paula: The answer? I've never let anyone lock me in a hangar before, and I don't intend to start now.

Murray Fettle: You're taking the piss

DCI Matt Burke: I'm taking nothing pal, but you are, starting with a murder charge

Murray Fettle: Murder?

DC: And possibly torture

DCI Matt Burke: Don't make him think of two things at once Jackie, otherwise he's brain will overheat and he'll stop breathing

Nate Woods: I want you out of town in an hour.

Charley Arno: What about our cut?

Nate Woods: Now if I was you, I'd start thinkin' about my neck! If it comes to a choice between me dancin' at the end of a rope or you, there's not much choice is there?

Michaelangelo: [On TV, April winked at one of the turtles] Right on, babe!

Donatello: She was winking at me you know.

Michaelangelo: You're totally warped, dude, she was winking at me.

Raphael: Get real, it was meant for your's truly.

Leonardo: I hate to argue fellas, but I think she meant it for me.

April O'Neil: [They all argue] Fellas! If you must know, I was winking at Splinter.

Splinter: Age has it's advantages.

Chia Fung: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Chi-Fun, ambassador without portfolio from the ancient kingdom of Lo-Pu. This is my associate, our minister of the interior, Madame Woo.

Madame Woo: Woo.

Chia Fung: She's overwrought. We spent last night at the Holiday Inn. It was so hot we had to open the windows, but the windows don't open. There was glass everywhere.

DC Stuart Fraser: Can I be frank Mr Glass?

Walter Glass: You can be whoever you like son.

Narrator: [First line] When a jet plane disappeared in mid-air, what was the explanation?

[last lines]

Bill Longley: Hank, come out and say goodbye.

Bess Corbin: Henrietta...

[Henrietta emerges from her room wearing a pretty dress]

Henrietta Tovers: Just don't laugh, that's all. Don't laugh.

Bill Longley: May I have this dance?

[Bill takes Henrietta in his arms and they waltz around Bess's dress shop]

George Brandon: How did you know?

Bill Longley: If a man's ridin' away from you, it's pretty hard to put a bullet in his stomach.

Burne Thompson: Thanks to you, I've lost my station! Every time that lunatic Shredder makes trouble, it's because of you freaks! Well... I'll get back on the air somehow. And from now on, I'll let the public know just what a menace you are!

Michelangelo: Man, what an ingrate.

Donatello: Do whatever you want, Burne. The real threat is Shredder!

Burne Thompson: You're the threat! You're the menace to society! You're the ones who... where'd they go?

[a manhole cover closes shut nearby]

Burne Thompson: Those cowards! They ran away!

April O'Neil: Cowards? They've captured Berserko, didn't they? And besides, they'll be back! And no matter what you say, they'll keep on fighting to save this city from the forces of evil! Especially Shredder.

Elizabeth's Father: There are some things better left undone.

Carl Everson: There's a time for study and a time for action. We've come to the time for action!

DS: [grabs at victim as he almost falls into the quarry] Tommy!

DCI Jim Taggart: [sarcastically] Are you trying to make his day?

DCI Jim Taggart: [looks into quarry to see villain's car going under the water surface] Well, that's the easy part of it.

DS: [stunned] Easy?

DCI Jim Taggart: [grins] Now I have to go home and tell Jean she needs a new hairdresser!

Terry Lee: Look at this.

Hotshot Charlie: So help me, it's a cigarette - a Mandarin. They're plentiful out here.

Terry Lee: I got it from the doctor and he claims to be fresh from the States.

Hotshot Charlie: Ah, I don't follow you, dear boy.

Terry Lee: Only old Chinese hands smoke Mandarins. Most white men can't stand 'em.

Hotshot Charlie: Well, I've tried them in moments in moments of great poverty. You can get better smoke out of a wet carpet.

Drakus: Who are you creatures anyway?

Leonardo: We're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! And you are finished!

Dr. Chappell: The day is coming when we won't need policemen or detectives or criminologists because there won't be any more criminals.

DCI Jim Taggart: Come on, I'll buy you both lunch.

Jackie Reid: [to Jardine: ] Do you think mourning has affected him?

[referring to the recent death of Jean Taggart's Aunt Hettie, whom Jim passionately disliked]

Mike Jardine: Mourning? He couldn't stand the sight of her!

Dr. Kamrass: I find no sinister political implications in a kiss.


Eric Forman: We're gonna do what Luke Skywalker was too afraid to do: use the dark side to our advantage.

Donna Pinciotti: Eric, if we're gonna be married you really have to ease up on the Star Wars stuff. All right? It doesn't apply to everything.

Eric Forman: I'll have to rewrite my vows.

[Henrietta starts to peel off her clothes]

Bill Longley: Just a minute. If a lady's going to take a bath, I'm entitled to a little privacy. I'll, uh, I'll wait over there.

Henrietta Tovers: I ain't gonna stay with no female. Pa never had no use for females.

Bill Longley: Where do you think he found you - under a cactus?

Shredder: My might is too great for you wretched, teenaged punks!

Michelangelo: [Tackling Shredder] Cowabunga, dude!

Shere Khan: What would you say to a hundred?

Baloo: Only a lousy hundred bucks?

Shere Khan: A hundred *thousand* lousy bucks.

Chopstick Joe: I would be the last to depricate your devotion to Air Cathay, flyboys. By burning the midnight oil, I thought it high time Chopstick Joe indicates his appreciation.

[Chopstick produces a large wad of cash from his pocket]

Terry Lee: What do we have to do with whose body?

Shredder: 31 minutes. For once you didn't make it on time, turtles.

Donatello: Channel 6 is still there.

Raphael: I knew he was bluffing.

Shredder: I "never" bluff.

[Channel 6 begins to explode, crumbling to the street]

Donatello: ...It's not possible.

Michelangelo: April... Irma... Do you suppose they got out in time?

Leonardo: [to Shredder] You miserable maggot!

Shredder: [to Bebop and Rocksteady] Destroy them!

Ray Clinton: Now what are you looking for?

Dr. Marnoff: Philosophically... well, eternal peace, a hope that our countries can get together and iron out their difficulties without recourse to war.

Larry Calhoun: Why, do you realize how serious this is? You've endangered national security. You and your colleagues are the most dangerous men alive today. Look, I have in my pocket here a top secret list of 49 names... criminally guilty men... all of them walking around free because they learned how to beat this machine.

Mike Jardine: Not exactly a heavenly body...

[when Jardine looks through Philip Dempster's telescope to see Taggart in the house on the opposite side of the road]

[discussing Henrietta]

Dave Travers: You reckon she'll talk to me?

Bill Longley: Give her a chance to cry. I'll bring her in; you can question her later.

Dave Travers: Seems proper to me.

George Brandon: Now look, Dave...!

Dave Travers: And it seems proper to you! Now come on.

Burne Thompson: [Held captive by Shredder] The story of the year's right under our noses, and we can't cover it!

April O'Neil: Do they really have an explosive devise?

Vernon Fenwick: They certainly do! I saw them carry it down to the basement.

Burne Thompson: The basement? Why didn't you try and stop them?

Vernon Fenwick: Chief, a good reporter's not supposed to get involved in the story.

Colonel: Come now, come now, you were spying, of course. What did you hope to find?

Ray Clinton: Whatever you're trying to hide.

Chia Fung: [points to recliner] Does this throne vibrate joyously upon the insertion of a quarter?

Supt. Jack McVitie: Jim, something interesting. Pat Connolly's record. Two years in Berlinnie for grievous wounding, same time as Abernathy.

DCI Jim Taggart: Huh, so that's where they met.

[sees funeral party]

DCI Jim Taggart: Sir, would you do me a favor? Ask that funeral party to go home. Bottle of whisky.

Supt. Jack McVitie: Bribery, Jim? Is it true what I hear about young Jardine being a teetotaler and a churchgoer?

DCI Jim Taggart: Aye, it's true.

Supt. Jack McVitie: [smiles] Refreshing change.

DCI Jim Taggart: What's that supposed to mean?

Henrietta Tovers: Help him! You gotta help him!

[Bill covers Roy's face]

Bill Longley: I wish I could.

April O'Neil: Sergent! I just got a warning message from a secret terror organization calling themselves...

Casey Jones: Goongala Cowabunga!

Drakus: Behold, the Annihilator!

Krang: It's a toy compared to the Technodrome.

Drakus: It may be smaller, but it's more mobile and it packs 20 times the firepower! There's just one problem, the drive systems are malfunctioning, and you will tell me how to fix it.

Krang: Why should I help you?

Drakus: I'll give you one very good reason...

[places Krang on a podium]

Drakus: will you tell me what I need to know?

Krang: I'd rather rot in a septic tank!

Drakus: Heh... Later. But first I think you will tell me, when I turn up the heat!

[switchs a device on, that releases a heat beam on Krang]

Drakus: And when my Annihilator is fully operational, I'll crush you! And your precious Technodrome!

Krang: Will you listen to me! The Technodrome isn't even here! It's in Dimension X!

Drakus: Don't lie to me, Krang.

Paula: Hold your breath, Anna! I'm going to fly the Pacific!

Don Karnage: This is Don Karnage speaking to you in my voice.

Fez: Oh, please! I'm a hot looking, smooth talking, frisky ass son of a bitch!

Eric: Hey Fez, right there! That's like, that's like a really weird thing to say.

Michael Kelso: Yea, I mean we're used to you but dude, you're weird!

[first lines]

[Henrietta, dressed as a boy, points a rifle at Bill]

Henrietta Tovers: Put your hands up, mister - way up.

Bill Longley: That's a mighty big gun for such a small boy.

Drakus: Well, well, well... my old friend Krang. We meet again. Although as I recall, the last time we met, you had a body.

Krang: I've never seen you before in my life!

Drakus: Don't tell me the mighty Krang doesn't remember his greatest weapons engineer!

Krang: Drakus! You...

Drakus: Yes, me. The one who helped you design the Technodrome. The one you betrayed!

Krang: I am overlord of Dimension X!

Drakus: Then did you have to destroy my home world as well?

Krang: I didn't want any of your pesky relatives coming after me, Drakus!

Drakus: I am Drakus no more! After you blasted me out of Dimension X, I took on a new name: Berserko! And a new mission: Revenge.

Krang: It was nothing personal. I had no further use for you!

Drakus: Well I have a use for you...

Wayne Crowder: Progress, gentlemen, I'm always for progress.

DCI Jim Taggart: She lost Mrs. Campbell at Central Station, when she was putting her bag into the left luggage.

Supt. McVitie: Is she going to open it?

[Reid has mistakenly boarded a London bound train instead of opening the suspect suitcase]

DCI Jim Taggart: She can't - she's at Carstairs Junction! My God... wimmen polis!

Dr. Maitland: I wouldn't sign a certificate for this cargo if my life depended on it.

Captain Lomar: Believe me, Doctor, you life does depend on it.

[Auntie pulls a pistol from her bag of yarn and kills one of the Blackstons]

Auntie: He wasn't a nice man.

Bebop: Gee boss, you sure bluffed your way out of that one!

Shredder: I never bluff.

Announcer: [First lines] Can Pearl Harbor happen again?

Jim Taggart: There's a nutter running around Glasgow, pumping bullets into people, locking them in car boots. I don't want to give them a third chance!

Mike Jardine: But sir...

Jim Taggart: What is it with you? Are you in heat or something?