Author Unknown quotes, page 28

Commander Rigar: Wormhole?

Jack O'Neill: Giant worms. Huge.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: [after being captured for the umpteenth time] God I miss goin' offworld.

General Hammond: As long as I am in command of the SGC, we will hold our self to the highest ethical standard.

Jack O'Neill: And when the Goa'uld wipe us out because we have nothing with which to defend ourselves, I'm sure we'll all feel *great* about ourselves and our high moral standard.

King: How?

Queen: You ordered it. Marriage your letter said, on pain of death.

King: I ordered him to be chopped into a thousand pieces!

Queen: I have the letter...

King: One thousand pieces it said, I have savored them the long journey home.

Replikon: Show's over, pop star!

Static: Keep your hands to yourself, fur-fur.

A.J.: How'd you find us?

Static: Adam mentioned that he and Replikon used to work here a long time ago. Now to get you out of here. Ooh!

Replikon: You can't hurt me, Static Shock. Wood doesn't conduct electricity, Static. Goodbye!

A.J.: [A.J. plays around with a reverb machine and puts the earphones over Replikon's ears]

Replikon: Now let's see how you like this? Ahh! Ooh!

Static: Thanks! That must have been some wicked reverb you fed him.

A.J.: Nope! Just his own bad music.

Jack O'Neill: I think what the Captain is asking is, "What now?"

Master Bra'tac: Now we die.

Jack O'Neill: Well that's a bad plan.

Jack O'Neill: [Daniel has just gotten his appendix removed] Can I see your scar?

Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: No.

Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: You should try one of these. It called, uh...

Garan: Ojun fruit.

Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: Right. It's sort of a cross between a guava and a mango.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sort of a "guango"?

Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: I like that! People, henceforth ojun fruit shall be called guango. So shall it be!

[the people cheer and applaud]

Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: I get to name all kinds of stuff. You should see the Grateful Dead Burial Ground.

[Carter has just killed Seth with a Goa'uld hand device]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: You killed him.

Jack O'Neill: [In an undertone] Hail, Dorothy.

Virgil: Hey what are you doing?

Frieda: Mr C told us to update the class website

Virgil: By writing 10 pages on the Backstreet Boys?

Richie: We're not writing a fan magazine we're supposed to be writing news.

Frieda: This is news. We're writing a feature article about the impact that music has on popular culture.

Daisy: We're just using the Backstreet Boys as an example.

Virgil: Click here to see Nick's new haircut

Richie: Kevin and Brian's weddings.

Virgil: Howie's acting jobs?

Richie: And of course A.J.'s tattoos.

Virgil, Richie: OOH!

Daisy: You think we're just a couple of mindless giggling fans don't you? You know? I find that to be insulting.

Frieda: Insulting and demeaning.

Virgil: Okay, okay we're sorry.

Richie: Honest. We appologize.

Daisy: Well, you'd better

Richie: Although I do think that A.J. looks better with just a moustache.

Frieda, Daisy: Definitely. You know that's what I was thinking before... HEY! WAIT A MINUTE?

Virgil, Richie: [Virgil and Richie run out of the room laughing after Freida and Daisy run throw everything they can get their hands on at them] Ow!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Maybe we should offer a sense of humour in trade.

Maj. John Sheppard: Sure. They can have yours.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, Major. My side. You slay me.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: On the bright side, out of all the Goa'uld, Lord Yu has been the most cooperative with us in the past.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I thought you said none of them could be trusted?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, they can't. Especially not a crazy one.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Huh, that's the bright side?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: More of a slightly less dark side.

Teal'c: It is quite a distance from the village.

Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: I enjoy long walks.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [smirking] Right, long walks, rainy nights, and

[with heavy sarcasm]

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: candle lit dinners.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: I'd be happy to debrief you all after I've debriefed myself for a nice hot shower.

Major General George Hammond: Permission to shower granted. In fact, I insist on it, Colonel.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Bad?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I wasn't gonna say anything.

The Storyteller: Sometimes people are born lucky. You imagine if they open their hands there'd be a little piece of sunshine. A personal piece. It lights them up. Everyone loves these people, they're lit up.

[blows out the candlelight in his hands]

The Storyteller: Cats sit on their laps.

Storyteller's Dog: What?

The Storyteller: It's luck, it's a gift, it's a blessing, and therefor can't be undone. This is also true of prophesies.

Brainiac: You are only delaying the inevitable.

Static: You keep sayin' that like it's a bad thing!

Major General Hank Landry: What have you found out?

Dr. Bill Lee: Well, I learned that bugs still creep me out. It all started when I was a kid and my parents took me on this picnic and this bug crawled up on me... Maybe you'd prefer to hear this story another time.

Major General Hank Landry: I doubt it.

Jack O'Neill: Hey, Rigar. You know that "we come in peace" business? Bite me.

[about to start up a ship with a time machine]

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: How do we know we're not gonna end up back at the Alamo?

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Uh, well for one thing, that was on Earth.

Apophis: I am worth far more to you than you will admit.

Jack O'Neill: You tell me what are you worth?

Apophis: Your people, they are still primitive. They will be destroyed.

Jack O'Neill: You don't look like you're up to it.

Apophis: Not me. There is another.

Jack O'Neill: Yeah? Who?

Apophis: There is much you would learn from me, Tau'ri.

[breathes heavily]

Apophis: But for that knowledge there is a price.

[O'Neill rolls his eyes]

Apophis: A new host.

Jack O'Neill: [raises his eyebrows] A host?

Apophis: So that I may live. In exchange for all the knowledge of the Goa'uld. The secrets of star travel, our weapons, our power.

Jack O'Neill: All that...

Apophis: In time, more.

Jack O'Neill: [leans down further] Go to hell.

Apophis: A single human life is worth so much you would risk a world?

Jack O'Neill: That's right. That's why they call us the good guys.

[Apophis lies back and exhales]

Jack O'Neill: [Directed at Fraiser, but still looking at Apophis] Doc, let me know when he dies.

Brainiac: [CD-like skipping] Noooo! No! No, I can-can-can-cannan-cannot be-be-be-beaten! I am Braaaaainiac! Brai-brai-brai-brai-brai-Brainy Brainiac!

Static: Got to... hold on!

Brainiac: Brai-brai-brai-brai-Brainy Brainiac! One-one-one-one-one day I-I will be-be-be back be back be back and and and and and I will... laaaay the funk down!

Gear: Yo, Brainiac's not too bad on the mike.

Static: Mixmaster Brainiac. Now that's phat!

Martian Manhunter: Yes. Very "phat", indeed.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's no question that these bugs were the Priors' follow up to the virus.

Teal'c: And it appears that they were designed to circumvent any attempt to forestall their destructive nature.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Deny them crops and their physiology adapts to an alternate food source.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, us.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: We don't know where it is now, but we do know where it was: Giza, 3000 B.C.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: You can't be serious.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: What?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's the only way.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: What?

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: No, we agreed.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: If I have to say "what" one more time, heads are gonna roll!

Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: I guess, uh, congratulations are in order. You made general.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: You made king.

Harry 'King Arkhan The First' Maybourne: Right. Well, it's, uh, not a contest.

Jonas Quinn: How'd ya learn to drive?

Teal'c: It was Daniel Jackson that instructed me.

Jonas Quinn: Oh, when was that?

Teal'c: I believe the year was 1969.

Anja: Poor troll... no father, nor a mother, he was my other.

Lion: Not poor my dear, but wicked and cruel. I made the palace, I also made the door.

The Storyteller: It begins a thousand miles from anywhere. After twenty years of war, with a soldier, an honest soul with nothing but a shilling in his pocket and three dried biscuits for the long trudge home...

The Storyteller: But do you know, Prince Leo lived to be a great age, became king, had 42 grandchildren and he told them all that tale. But in his story, the giant got back his heart and made amends for all his wrongs. Because you see, despite all that took place, a little boy once met a giant... and they became friends.

Brainiac: You only delay the inevitable. All of this base will soon belong to me.

[versions of Jack O'Neill, Samantha Carter and Teal'c have travelled back in time to Egypt in the year 2995 B.C. where they meet the Daniel Jackson of the original timeline]

Daniel Jackson: Well, this can't be a good sign.

Jack O'Neill: Why's that?

Daniel Jackson: Where am I?

Jack O'Neill: Ancient Egypt?

Daniel Jackson: No, I mean the me from your timeline.

Teal'c: I killed you.

Daniel Jackson: Why?

Teal'c: You were a Goa'uld spy.

Daniel Jackson: Good reason.

Sam Carter: It was horrible.

Daniel Jackson: [not really interested] Yeah, I'm sure. Why are you here?

Jack O'Neill: Yes, excellent question.

Daniel Jackson: You don't know?

Jack O'Neill: Well, I thought I did, there, for a while, and then I realized I... didn't.

Daniel Jackson: Well, I know why *I'm* here.

Jack O'Neill: Good! Let's start there.

Teal'c: Fire!

Major General George Hammond: [in full Texas drawl] Yeeee Haaaa!

The Storyteller: And where the giant fell, a hill grew. And in time, when much was long forgot, the place was still known as the hill of the heartless giant.

Doug's Principal: I don't want to be your "Princi-PULL", I want to be your "Princi-PAL"

Thor: The Replicators were brought aboard an Asgard ship, for study, before the danger could be fully comprehended.

Jack O'Neill: We do that all the time. Kind of expected more from you guys.

Jack O'Neill: Our beloved Hathor is dead.

Major General Trofsky: What you say is impossible. Hathor is a queen. More than that, she is a goddess.

Jack O'Neill: Yeah, okay. Ex-goddess, maybe. I killed her myself. You should trust me on this. She's gone. She is no more. She's... Well let's face it, she's a former queen.

Jack O'Neill: To be fair, General, I did it. Carter and Daniel protested. And Teal'c, well he really didn't say anything but I could tell he was opposed to my actions by the way he cocked his head and sort of raised his eyebrow.

Prince 2: What's happening?

Leo: There was a wasps nest where his heart should have been.

Grace McKee: I can't believe you stole this! It's a terrible color!

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I thought these people trusted you. Why are we sneaking around avoiding everybody?

Vala Mal Doran: I already told you, they won't recognize me dressed like this. Fortunately I left a couple of spare outfits.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What is it with her and her wardrobe?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know, I think we could probably explain to them...

Vala Mal Doran: It will only take a second. Can a girl have a little privacy?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, besides I think I've seen just about everything there is to see.

Vala Mal Doran: [Smiling] Right.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, if they even get a hint of the fact that we can't use the Ancient weapons to defend ourselves, trust me, this game is over.


Dr. Daniel Jackson: Too dramatic?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: At this point, not for me.

[the enemy thinks O'Neill is a Goa'uld. He walks towards the enemy standing by the gate]

Jack O'Neill: Jaffa. Kree!

Major General Trofsky: [Speaks a sentence of Goa'uld vernacular]

Jack O'Neill: You heard me. I said, "Kree!"

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Where's the fanfare, General?

Major Samantha Carter: We did kind of save the planet, sir.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Again. This should not get old, General.

[last lines]

Starsky: Well, Huggy, as a psychic I'd say you have a few more lessons to go.

Huggy Bear: What do you mean?

Starsky: I'm pickles. He's onions.

Jack O'Neill: [to Bra'tac] Will you *please* stop calling me human?

General Hammond: I'd like to debrief A.S.A.P., Colonel.

Jack O'Neill: Yes, my lord.

Daniel Jackson: Wait a minute. I thought the reason why we brought the ship was so that we didn't have to walk.

Sam Carter: You can't just fly into an alien city. The mission is stealth recon. Meaning undetected.

Jack O'Neill: Meaning *shut up*!

Colonel Makepeace: How's the leg? Can you walk?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's just a deep, bleeding gash, but it'll be fine.

The Storyteller: An egg in a duck in a well in a church in an island in a lake in a mountain? Impossble!

[first lines]

Starsky: Where's he going?

Hutch: If you ever catch him you can ask him.

Starsky: If I ever catch him I won't have to ask him.

Vala Mal Doran: [Speaking with a Goa'uld voice] We want to stop these people from falling victim to the Priors. That's what I'm going to do.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is not what I had in mind.

Vala Mal Doran: What your mind may or may not be able to imagine is really none of my concern. Now kindly get out of your god's face.

Captain Kyle Rogers: I will reveal nothing. You may begin torturing me.

Jack O'Neill: Oh, I've already begun. This is the infamous tuna torture.

Teal'c: [as he steps out into space] One small step for Jaffa...

[Bra'tac, Teal'c and General Hammond are looking for, and find, an "old style" death glider]

Teal'c: There is an old Jaffa saying, General Hammond: They do not build them as they once did.

Giant: The fact is, noone can find my heart. I'll tell you exactly where it is and you'll still not be able to find it. Far away, so far you cannot fathom it, so high you cannot climb it, is a mountain. And in the mountain is a lake. And in the lake is an island. In the island is a church, in the church is a well. In the well is a duck. In the duck is an egg, and in the egg is my heart.

Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson: [after Starsky weaved through traffic, driving the wrong way on a one way street] You didn't see the arrow, huh?

Det. Dave Starsky: I didn't even see the Indians.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: If I could go back in time, which, admittedly, is an opportunity I am occasionally presented with...

[Trying to infiltrate Seth's cult]

Jack O'Neill: Dare I ask about the men inside the compound?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: They were turned into eunuchs.

Jack O'Neill: Eunuchs, as in "snippity-do-dah"?

President Hayes: Now I have to call the ex-president of Togo. And when I'm done, apparently, the rest of the world is coming to an end.

The Storyteller: And the girl who kept faith and had but one face for everyone was rewarded with sons and brothers and a sweetheart and a crown. And she practiced her smile until it was perfect.

Giant: He who pries is prone to die, do you follow me?

Ben Forest: Hi, baby.

Jeanie Walton: How'd you find me?

Ben Forest: Where do you go when you're lookin' for something? You go to the cops. Even a cop named Hutch.

Jeanie Walton: You're lying. He wouldn't tell you.

[She realizes something bad has happened]

Jeanie Walton: What did you do to him?

Ben Forest: You'll see, baby. You'll see.

[Daniel has explained in length the current status of the Jaffa rebellion]

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: What was my question again?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um, "How's it going?"

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: It seemed so innocuous at the time.

Teal'c: [Daniel is laying on the gateroom's floor after Teal'c just shot him with a zat gun] Are you injured?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Dumb question.

[small pause]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: But thank you. I think.

Teal'c: You are welcome.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Just don't ever do that again.

Prince: What have you got on your hands?

[she gasps]

Prince: What's this, it it earth?

Witch: Perhaps she's been digging a little hole. What have you been digging?

[to the prince]

Witch: It must pain you so much she's dumb.

Wolf: I've not eaten since winter came. Help me. Let me eat your horse, I'll eat it and be strong again. Trust me.

The Storyteller: But how can Leo trust anyone? He's trusted before and been betrayed.

Storyteller's Dog: That's right, that's right, let the wolf starve.


Wolf: Please, please, or I must surely die.

Storyteller's Dog: No, don't do it!

Leo: Eat your fill, and if you must, then afterwards eat me.

Huggy Bear: And one more thing... When you see Hutch, you tell him that he owes me one good waitress.

Jack O'Neill: He also wanted me to tell you that the whole, "invasion of the Tau'ri" idea has been cancelled due to... rain.

Soren: Those who refuse to believe needed to be purged from existance...

Prince: Where's the baby, darling?

The Storyteller: The princess didn't know and couldn't speak. And their baby was nowhere to be found. And the pain of it, intollerable. Until one night, she went to the garden and dug with her hands in the ground a small hole. And bending to the earth, screamed with all her heart. Screamed and screamed her pain into the hole until morning. And it was better. And looking up to the sky she saw her brothers, the ravens circling above her. 'The days pass' they seemed to say. 'Hold to your promise, hold to your promise'.

The Storyteller: Think of all kinds of unpleasant things and add 'giant' to them. And that's what you get when a giant has no heart. Such a giant once terrorized a country in the far north of the world near the very top. He'd hidden his heart, it gave him too much trouble, all those giant feelings. In it's place was a wasps nest about to swarm.

Det. Dave Starsky: [Starsky has just found Hutch's gun in his apartment and knows something has happened to him] I'm telling you, he's gone!

Capt. Harold Dobey: No he isn't. He's out on a date with a beautiful girl, to use your words.

Det. Dave Starsky: [frustrated] Captain, you don't understand!

Capt. Harold Dobey: What do you mean, I don't understand?

Det. Dave Starsky: I found his gun back in his apartment.

Capt. Harold Dobey: [skeptical] Do you take that gun out with you when you go on a date?

Det. Dave Starsky: [angrily] Hutch wouldn't visit his *mother* without a gun!

Capt. Harold Dobey: [firmly] All right, Starsky settle down!

[Starsky calms down]

Capt. Harold Dobey: What do you think happened to him?

Det. Dave Starsky: [crossly] I don't know.

Capt. Harold Dobey: Well, you know about that girl.

Det. Dave Starsky: I know her name, I know where she lives...

Capt. Harold Dobey: And?

Det. Dave Starsky: I can't find her, either.

Capt. Harold Dobey: What do you want to do about it?

Det. Dave Starsky: Missing Persons?

Capt. Harold Dobey: That's a 'missing officer.'

Det. Dave Starsky: No, I mean 'missing partner.'

Vala Mal Doran: You need to tell these people the truth.

Vala Mal Doran: I have a lot of needs, Daniel. But I assure that is not one of them.

Teal'c: If you do not tell them the truth, we will.

Teal'c: Yes, and who do you think they are actually going to believe?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Look, commanding these people to obey you and not the Ori is not going to work, especially once that Prior comes back.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: And we do not want to get into a god off. Especially since we know you're not even close.

Jack O'Neill: Get the vacuum.

Captain Kyle Rogers: Vocume.

Jack O'Neill: Whatever! Get it!

Daniel Jackson: [Daniel and Jonas hug the wall] That should be the cargo bay.

[the sound of Jaffa marching can be heard and Daniel and Jonas look down the hall before hiding again]

Daniel Jackson: And those would be all the Jaffa going to the cargo bay that's just down the hall.

The Storyteller: On the whole, there's absolutely no need to be frightened of giants. Giants are gentle, perfectly harmless, very affectionate. Unless of coure, the giant has no heart in his body.

Officer Bernie Glassman: [Bernie and Starsky have found Hutch and have discovered he's addicted to heroin] I've got to make a report!

Det. Dave Starsky: No! No report. This didn't happen, Bernie. Understand? This didn't happen.

Vala Mal Doran: This was one of the many planets that Katesh ruled over when I was her host. As you know a Tok'ra eventually removed the symbiote but not before her people rebelled and tortured me thinking we were one and the same.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: And they couldn't tell the difference? Why am I not surprised?

Jack O'Neill: Master Teal'c, might I suggest we spare them this time?

Teal'c: Very well... underling.

Jonas Quinn: Don't get me wrong. I love the job.

Daniel Jackson: Well, yeah, who could argue? I mean, lousy hours, constant peril.

King: Come on, come on, come on, can't we go any faster?

Ferryman: Oh yes, sir, there is a way...

[gestures for the king to take over the ore]

The Storyteller: Take it, he says, take it, take it... So if you come one day to a lake and there's an island and a ferry goes back and forth rowed by an old sad man, turn around. Griffins live there, you may never get off the boat. For the ferryman was once a wicked king who ignored a prophesy, who's heart was cruel. And nature, my dears, is a wize woman who pays us back tit for tat.

Page: Princess Badsister of Far Away, daughter of nobody, she will marry the prince on the morrow.

Badsister 2: Hoorah!

Capt. Harold Dobey: [sees Starsky walking past his office with a candy bar in his mouth] Starsky!

Det. Dave Starsky: [muffled from the candy bar] Mornin', Cap'n.

Capt. Harold Dobey: [angrily] *Get in here!* It's the middle of the afternoon! Where's that partner of yours?

Det. Dave Starsky: It's his day off, Captain.

Capt. Harold Dobey: His day off ended this morning. Now suppose you stop covering for him, get your tail on the horn, and tell him I said get his rear end in here!

Det. Dave Starsky: The truth is, Captain, he's sick.

Capt. Harold Dobey: He ain't called in sick!

Det. Dave Starsky: Well, you know how it is, he's in love.

Capt. Harold Dobey: What you mean is he's shacked up.

Det. Dave Starsky: Yeah, well, uh... she *is* a pretty girl, Captain.

Capt. Harold Dobey: [completely uncharmed] You tell him I want him in here in one hour, and ready for duty. You tell him that.

Det. Dave Starsky: There's only one problem, Captain.

Capt. Harold Dobey: What's that?

Det. Dave Starsky: I don't know where he is to tell him that.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Sir, I don't mean to gripe...

Major General Hank Landry: Permission to gripe granted.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: We're being put on babysitting duty?

Major General Hank Landry: Don't underestimate the importance of this mission. This is the IOA. These people carry a lot of influence with the Stargate Program. How it's run, how it's funded. You should feel honored. Just, uh, don't keep 'em up past ten. And remember to read 'em a bedtime story before tucking them in for the night.

Captain Kyle Rogers: [slyly] Corn and cotton are indigenous to North America.

Jack O'Neill: And that information could save your life one day.

Ba'al: How dare you judge your god? The Shol'va has poisoned your mind.

Teal'c: Clearly Lord Ba'al is not interested.

Oshu: We should contact one of the other system lords.

Teal'c: Mm. Perhaps Bastet.

Oshu: Hmm.

The Storyteller: Next day, a proclamation rings out around the palace:

Storyteller's Dog: The prince will marry the girl who fits the golden slipper. Feh!

The Storyteller: Well, she thinks, what was true of the finger, is true of the foot. She was cursed by the ring, can she be blessed with the slipper?

Det. Ken "Hutch" Hutchinson: We don't get paid extra to kill people either.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: We're surrounded by rock here so there's no way the bugs are digging in. We've got the entrance covered. Everything's going to be fine.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Until we run out of bullets.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: So, what exactly are we gonna see after this eclipse begins? I mean, it is black, and it is a hole.

Jack O'Neill: Well, it might be a black hole.

Jonas Quinn: [has just been freed from Anubis' ship by Daniel] Okay, how do we get off this thing?

Daniel Jackson: Cargo ship.

Jonas Quinn: Which way?

Daniel Jackson: [facing three hallways] Uhhhhhhhhhh...

[points at first two before choosing the third]

Daniel Jackson: This way!

Jonas Quinn: You sure?

Daniel Jackson: Nope!

Jonas Quinn: Right!

A.J.: Adam's tunes are hot. I'd sign him if I were you Lester.

Lester Biggs: That's high praise coming from A.J. McLean.

Rita Velasquez: Rita Velasquez: Artists and Relations so Adam do you have a demo tape or a CD?

Adam: Right here.

A.J.: I'm telling you it's hot.

Rita Velasquez: I'll take a listen and we'll talk later.

Lester Biggs: Excuse me for a moment. YO J-LO!

Prince: [shouting after her as she runs away] Where do you live? How may I find you?

Sapsorrow: I live where hens catch mice and cats lay eggs.

Prince: What?

Harry Ashford: You! You!

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I'm telling you, it's time you got your own place.

Teal'c: I endeavoured to establish a life off-base last year; I even went so far as to acquire my own apartment. Unfortunately, it did not work out.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, you got framed for murder but you can't let one bad experience put you off. Hell the first time I moved out, I got next door to a guy who practised drum solos all night long. When we get back, I'm going to help you find your own place.

Teal'c: That will be unnecessary.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Dude, what are friends for?

Teal'c: For listening when they are told that will be unnecessary.

Captain Kyle Rogers: My lord?

Jack O'Neill: Actually, we just call him General Hammond.

Daniel Jackson: [Daniel Jackson has just found Jonas, who is being held in a cell by Anubis] Jonas!

Jonas Quinn: What happened?

Daniel Jackson: I don't know.

Jonas Quinn: Whatever it was, there's not enough power to maintain the force fields.

[touches flickering force field guarding the cell, is stung by force field]

Jonas Quinn: Ah!

Daniel Jackson: You okay?

Jonas Quinn: That hurt.

Daniel Jackson: Arm?

Jonas Quinn: A little numb.

[gauges force field]

Jonas Quinn: I think I can make it.

Daniel Jackson: Well, you better... I don't wanna have to take you outta here in a dustpan.

Scraggletag: I'm sorry, do I disgust you?

Prince: You amaze me. Look: cat's chase mice, hens lay eggs.

Scraggletag: And what does that mean?

Prince: It means some things have to do with other things. I have nothing to do with you. You don't disgust me because I don't think about you.

Capt. Harold Dobey: [on the $1000 voucher for flash money at the crooked craps game] Here's your voucher for one thousand. Try not to lose it all.

Det. Dave Starsky: Lose it?

Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson: Captain, you're looking at a couple of aces in a world full of jokers.

Master Bra'tac: Perhaps when the warships of your world attack, we'll be able to...

Samantha Carter: Eh, excuse me. Did you say 'the ships of our world'?

Master Bra'tac: Surely you have such vessels?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we have a number of - of...

Dr. Daniel Jackson, Jack O'Neill: Shuttles.

Master Bra'tac: These... 'shuttles'... they are a formidable craft?

Jack O'Neill: Oh yeah. Yeah. Bad day.

Jack O'Neill: Is everyone clear on that? Daniel?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: What?

Jack O'Neill: Good.