Author Unknown quotes, page 26
Jack O'Neill: Hammond is insisting SG: 1 needs a socio-political nerd to off-set our overwhelming coolness.
Teal'c: Have you considered Jonas Quinn?
Jack O'Neill: Now I know you've been practicing, but I still can't tell. Was that a joke?
Brian Miller: Yeah, I watched a training video for two hours. It seemed like a waste of time.
Bill: Yeah. A waste of time you got paid for... otherwise known as a job.
Major General George Hammond: So you were rescued by the Asgard.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Actually it kinda looks like we'll be coming to their rescue, sir.
Major General George Hammond: Does it have anything to do with the supplies and equipment that are disappearing from all over my base?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes, sir. Suffice to say, you might wanna get upstairs and punch '1' on the old speed-dial.
Major General George Hammond: My grandchildren?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: '2' then! I think the President might wanna know what the Asgard have in mind for our new ship.
Madison: [to Vaughn] I lost two pounds.
Josie Trent: And with brain liposuction you'd lose another ounce.
Bill: I got you're favorite moooovviieee.
Judy: Oh, 'Terms of Endearment'?
Bill: I got you you're *second* favorite movie.
Judy: 'Fried Green Tomatoes'?
Bill: I got a moovvviieee.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I prefer lethal injection, although I do have a fondness for the electric chair. Call me romantic.
General Hammond: [on red phone] No, I need to talk to him now!
[person replies negatively]
General Hammond: Son, do you know what colour this phone is?
General Hammond: Yes, I'll hold.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I'm not asking you to change the course of their development, just fix the damn sun! No one will know. We won't tell.
Lucas Randall: [to Josie] Why don't you start counting sheep again?
Lucas Randall: [holds up a stuffed toy sheep]
Marshall Wheeler: [yawns] Good idea. Wake me up when you get to a million.
The Storyteller: The soldier waited and waited an inch from paradise. Until after a long time, forgotten, he turned and walked slowly back to Earth. And for all I know he wanders still.
[the sensors have discovered a powerful energy field]
Major John Sheppard: Do you think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilisation.
Major John Sheppard: So... you think it's worth checking out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastically] I'm sorry. Yes. Energy field good.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [after making the interface work] Now for parting the Red Sea.
Judy Miller: His locker's right here.
[TO A NEARBY BOY]
Judy Miller: Excuse me, I'm looking for Brian Miller.
Boy: [THE BOY LOOKS HER UP AND DOWN. SHE'S AWFULLY HOT] I'm Brian Miller.
Bill Miller: Get Lost.
Teyla Emmagan: Rodney, between the two of you, if something were to go wrong, which would be the greater loss?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I've never thought of it that way but... She's right. You should go.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: What is with you people? Time machines are nothin' but trouble. Even *we* know that.
Major Samantha Carter: Navigation?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Check.
Major Samantha Carter: Oxygen, pressure, temperature control?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: All check.
Major Samantha Carter: Inertial Dampeners?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Cool!... and check.
Major Samantha Carter: Engines?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: All Check. Phasers?
Major Samantha Carter: [smirking] Sorry sir.
Josie Trent: [to Madison] Wow, did you look that one up in a book? Oh, no, wait, that would require you to read
Bill: [on phone with telemarketer] They're so cute at that age. Word of advice, don't teach them to talk.
Lauren Miller: I'm going to find some guy on the internet to send me a bus ticket
Col. Steven Caldwell: [over radio] Dr. McKay, What's your status?
Teyla Emmagan: Dr. McKay is... not here.
Col. Steven Caldwell: What?
Teyla Emmagan: He had to...
Ronon Dex: He had to check something on the Wraith pod.
Teyla Emmagan: Yes, the Wraith pod. He had to check the... biometrics receiver, needed to reconfirm the frequencies of the normal feedback loop.
Col. Steven Caldwell: Why isn't he on his radio?
Teyla Emmagan: Well, actually we have been having trouble reaching him ourselves. I think it may have something to do with... interference from the um... magnetic shielding of the pods.
Ronon Dex: [sardonically] Yeah, shielding.
Teyla Emmagan: Ronon was just about to check on him, see what is taking him so long.
Col. Steven Caldwell: Alright go get him, light a fire under him.
Teyla Emmagan: Right away.
Col. Steven Caldwell: And I want a status report as soon as his radio is working. Caldwell out.
Ronon Dex: [to Teyla] Nice stalling.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: They didn't go for it.
Major Samantha Carter: They didn't approve the mission?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Well no, they did that. Once they knew the stakes and the whole fate of the universe stuff, both the President and Hammond realized we had no choice. He sends good luck, God speed and all those things he says when he thinks we're gonna die.
Major Samantha Carter: So what didn't they go for?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: The name I suggested.
Major Samantha Carter: For the ship?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yeah.
Major Samantha Carter: Yeah, sir, we can't call it the Enterprise.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Why not?
Thor: I am Thor, Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet. Your presence here is a violation of the Protected Planets Treaty, and you must withdraw immediately.
Daniel Jackson: On the other hand, it's kind of an opportunity.
Jack O'Neill: How's that?
Daniel Jackson: Well think about it, I mean if you knew in advance that everything was going to go back to the way it was then...
[Teal'c stops writing to listen to the conversation]
Daniel Jackson: you could do anything. For as long as you want, without having to worry about consequences.
[pause O'Neill rises from his chair]
Jack O'Neill: Excuse me.
[O'Neill leaves. Teal'c nods to Jackson and also leaves]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Sure you got everything?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You wanna try and reprogram that mine without the proper translation?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Thought of a laptop?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, I have one. I just couldn't find Beck's Ancient Phoenician Symbology on CD at Archeology.com.
The Storyteller: And the landlord roasted him the goose in cloven honey and brought it back with a bottle of best wine. And the soldier ate it all and sucked the bones and drank the wine and danced until the morning when he sank, swam, flopped into bed. - Three days later he woke up and looked out of the window and there on the hill he saw a palace...
Dr. Rodney McKay: You see, the thing is, Col. Sheppard and I have sorta gotten into this habit of saving each others' lives and it's my turn.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Teyla and Ronon] It can be your turn next.
Jack O'Neill: Listen to me I know what it's like.
Malikai: You can't!
Jack O'Neill: I LOST MY SON!... I KNOW!... AND AS MUCH AS I - I could NEVER relive that again! Could you?
Jack O'Neill: Let her go.
Vala Mal Doran: Came to see me off? That's sweet.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we've been through a lot together, and I just wanted to come here myself and make sure you were... thoroughly searched.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: How's it coming?
Dr. Radek Zelenka: It's phenomenal. It's like being handed a Wraith encyclopedia. It's hard to know where to start.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: When I was a kid and I got my first encyclopaedia, I started with the letter S.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Yes, well, I'm sure that Wraith sexuality is interesting.
[on a mine]
Major Samantha Carter: Uh, it's flashing green. Green is good?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No.
Major Samantha Carter: Bad?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Bad.
Major Samantha Carter: How bad?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Very, very bad.
Major Samantha Carter: Dad!
Vala Mal Doran: I hate long goodbyes.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [quickly] Okay goodbye.
Vala Mal Doran: Don't I even get a hug?
Vala Mal Doran: [Daniel hesitates then hugs Vala. Vala walks towards the Stargate but Daniel grabs her wrist] Daniel, don't make this harder than it already is.
[Daniel removes a stolen jewel from her hand]
Vala Mal Doran: Oh. Can't blame a girl for trying.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, I can.
Jack O'Neill: [during the briefing] Anyway I don't know why none of you remember any of this! But I do know for a fact there's no point in having ole Doc Frasier examine us AGAIN!
[everyone stares at O'Neill. Cut to O'Neill being examines by Dr. Fraiser]
Jack O'Neill: I ask you... What could possibly be in my eye that would explain this?
Major General Hank Landry: [about Vala] She accused the Chairman of the Senate Appropriations Committee of having, uh, well let's just call it an insufficient manhood. She's gotta go.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [to an ugly alien] So, who do you like in the NFL this year? You kinda strike me as a Raiders fan.
Inago: Vala! You cowardly, backstabbing sorry excuse for a woman. How've you been?
Vala Mal Doran: Inago. You filthy, double talking slug. Nice to see you too.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Obviously they used to date.
Teal'c: Events do appear to be repeating themselves.
Daniel Jackson: Since when?
Jack O'Neill: Since we went to P4X-639.
Major Samantha Carter: We haven't been to P4X-639.
Jack O'Neill: Yes we have.
Jack O'Neill: "No we haven't." That's what you were gonna say.
Daniel Jackson: Of course that's what I was gonna say.
Jack O'Neill: Okay, bad example.
Vala Mal Doran: [Vala is reading an Earth magazine] Daniel, do you have one of these "credit cards".
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes I do, and no you can't.
[Teal'c and Jack are playing golf through an active Stargate]
Jack O'Neill: How far away is Alaris anyway?
Teal'c: Several billion miles, O'Neill.
Jack O'Neill: That's gotta be a record.
[Jack swings again]
Major General Hank Landry: Walter, just the man I was looking for.
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: Sir, we have to talk about your schedule. According to this you're going to be in meetings all day.
Major General Hank Landry: Hell I am. After two months on this base I've come to realize than an alarming portion of these meetings are a complete waste of my time. This is all housekeeping. You can handle it.
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: Me? No, I don't think so sir.
Major General Hank Landry: Walter, don't make me promote you!
Dr. Janet Fraiser: [about Urgo] Okay, so what does he look like?
Jack O'Neill: A famous tenor.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Sir, I wanted to talk to you about...
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Carter.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We haven't heard from him in a week.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Doesn't mean anything.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Sir, we know he was captured by replicators. Chances are, he was on board a replicator ship when it disintegrated.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: All we know for sure is that he's missing.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Sooner or later...
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Forget it! I'm not fallin' for it this time.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Falling for it?
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Yeah. How many times have you thought he was gone, and then he shows up... in one form or another? I'm sorry, but we're not having a memorial service for someone who is not dead.
[to the air]
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: You hear that? I'm not buyin' it!
[turns back to Carter who is staring at him]
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: What? He's just waitin' for us to say a bunch of nice things about him. Next thing ya know, he'll come waltzin' through that door, like, right now.
[they look at the door]
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Waltzing... now...
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Teal'c, what is this?
Teal'c: It is a Goa'uld long range visual communication device. Somewhat like your television, only much further advanced.
Jack O'Neill: Think it gets Showtime?
Arlos: I remember it as if it were yesterday. Some nights we would steal away from the city, strip off our clothing and bathe in the springs of Aragatan. We would chase one another across the mossy hills and lie naked under Adora's moons and Vala would sometimes...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Okay, that's great, thanks. We got the picture. A very vivid, very disturbing picture.
Raymond 'Ray' Gunne: I'm Christian Bocher. I'm portraying the character of Raymond Gunne, who portrays the character of Dr. Levant which is based on the character, uh, Daniel Jackson, portrayed by the actor Michael Shanks, originally portrayed by the actor James Spader in the feature film.
Oma Desala: Frank, I need a Noah's boy in a blanket, two hen fruit wreaked on a shingle with a mystery in the alley, a warmy with a moldy lid, and two checkerboards, alright?
Frank: Got it.
Oma Desala: Oh yeah, hold the pig.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Didn't you guys leave here in a submarine?
Major Samantha Carter: We, uh...
Daniel: The last thing I remember, we were being pulled into the...
Major Samantha Carter: Not really sure what happened, sir.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Here's a thought: We just exchanged hostages. It's just a thought.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Can you tell me why you stopped me from killing Anubis the last time I was Ascended?
Oma Desala: Because if I didn't stop you the others would have, and they wouldn't have been as nice about it.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You mean they wouldn't have erased my memory and left me naked on a planet?
Oma Desala: That was your choice.
[Daniel looks at Oma incredulously]
Oma Desala: Okay, maybe not the naked part.
Storyteller' Dog: So, nothing died?
The Storyteller: Nothing. The oddest battles. There were wars going on in most places and they were very strange. At the end of a days carnage, flashing swords and explosions, the air thick with arrows and savage swoosh of axes, nobody had died... The armies would look at each others exhausted and intact. Duels at dawn went on 'til midnight when the rivals would go home confused. Crossed lovers would thrown themselves off cliffs... and have a long climb back.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [O'Neill's arm is around her shoulders and she is leaning into him, for comfort] Thank you, sir.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: For what?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: For being here for me.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: [pauses and looks at her] Always.
Jack O'Neill: I suggest the two of you figure out how get us back home.
Samantha Carter: Sir, the only way to do that would be to turn this thing around and go back to where we started.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right, I'll just go tell the pilot.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Do you know what this means?
Jack O'Neill: It's the only way out of here, Daniel.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But what this thing can do for Sha're and Skaara...
Jack O'Neill: Teal'c's here now.
Teal'c: And here I will remain. I was with those who took the ones you love.
Jack O'Neill: No. You're part of this family now. We're not leaving you behind.
Major Samantha Carter: So you do your interview with the documentary crew yet?
Major Samantha Carter: You know, I have to admit, I can't wait to hear what everyone else said.
Teal'c: I did not say much.
Major Samantha Carter: Really? That is surprising. It's usually so hard to shut you up.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Getting this ship up and running in under a month is a miracle.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Do we start the beatification now or later?
Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
Jack O'Neill: General, I gave the order.
Dr. Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.: And I fired the staff at the machine.
Samantha Carter: And I... was there.
Jack O'Neill: You know the worst part about this? Every time we loop Daniel asks me a question, and I wasn't listening the first time.
Teal'c: You're not the only one to suffer some discomfort, O'Neill.
[loop resets; cut to Teal'c getting hit by a door]
Teal'c: Are you considering the same tactic as I?
Jack O'Neill: Teal'c, the clichè is "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" And the answer's yes.
The Storyteller: Good, eh? Death a prisoner. The news whispered from one of the Tsars fifty wives to the others spread through the town as fast as gossip, which is what it was, and nothing spreads faster. And within four and a half minutes the whole town knew. And within seventeen minutes the whole country knew. And by the following morning it was the talking point of a thousand languages.
[the order has been give to drop out of hyperspace]
Teal'c: O'Neill, prepare yourself for...
[O'Neill flies forward and hits his head]
Teal'c: Extreme deceleration.
Colonel: [stuck in a timeloop] If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it.
[Teal'c looks questioningly at him]
Colonel: Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!
Jack O'Neill: Assuming, of course, you are the Tok'ra.
Cordesh: And if we're not?
Jack O'Neill: Well, I guess we all start shooting. There's blood, death, hard feelings; it'd suck.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: General.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Colonel. We've all met.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, actually we know each other's life stories.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: That snippiness?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Is that a word?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is the Hall of Might?
Gairwyn: You were expecting something different?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well... uh... maybe a hall?
Samantha Carter: Dad, have you ever heard of the Stargate program?
General Jacob Carter: No. Is that one of your satellites?
Samantha Carter: I don't work with satellites, Dad. That was just a cover.
General Jacob Carter: No kiddin'. I never would've guessed.
Soldier: I've come too late.
Tzar's Wife: You've saved beggers and thieves and cats and dogs, yet you won't save your master?
Soldier: If Death needs a new friend, I cannot fight him.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Huh, some pretty interesting stuff, eh? I think I've learned more about Wraith technology in the last hour than I have in the past two years.
[Hermoid ignores McKay]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh come on, I understand you're an Asgard and everything, but even you've gotta feel a bit of an adrenaline buzz.
Hermiod: My body does not possess the adrenal gland that produces epinephrine in your system. And even if I did, I would not be as easily impressed.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I get it, I get it. You think you're smarter than I am.
Teal'c: The old stories say Unas had great regenerative powers. But those are tales told to frighten children. It is a myth.
Jack O'Neill: Ah.
Teal'c: It was dead.
Jack O'Neill: That's good.
Teal'c: I believe.
Jack O'Neill: You believe?
Teal'c: I am certain.
Jack O'Neill: Positive?
Teal'c: I am.
Jack O'Neill: Just a myth.
Teal'c: A myth.
Jack O'Neill: Good.
Wraith Scientist: Without your help, this damage may have been irreparable.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Ah, finally an alien race that appreciates me!
[Jack's hitting golf balls through the Stargate]
Major General George Hammond: [shouting] Colonel O'Neill, what the hell are you doing?
Jack O'Neill: [shouting back] In the middle of my backswing?
General Jacob Carter: There is one thing you could do for me, George.
Major General George Hammond: Anything.
General Jacob Carter: Tell me what my little girl is doing.
Major General George Hammond: Except that. You know it's classified.
General Jacob Carter: George, they're telling me I don't have much time left. Who am I going to tell? God?
Major General George Hammond: I'm sorry, Jacob.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney, if the hive opens up on us, I want Orion's drones.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Which means we're gonna need the hyperdrive to get in position.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Which means we'll need shields, which means you want everything!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I like everything. Can we do it or not?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, don't get up. Shields... yes. Jump to position... mmmmaybe. Release the drones... probably not.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, it's pointless to get in position if we can't fire.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Y'know, let's talk about it for a really long time. That'll help for sure.
Saroosh/Selmak: Selmak is a wonderful Tok'ra. she is selfless and caring; she is good company; she has a wonderful sense of humor.
Samantha Carter: Well, that's good, Dad. You can sit around for hours cracking yourself up.
Dr. Svetlana Markov: If you're implying that everything Russian-made is of poor quality, actually, the sub is Swiss.
Daniel: So it occasionally catches fire but they keep perfect time?
Daniel: Sorry. I think I've been hanging around Jack O'Neill too much.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: Apparently, I'm the oldest and wisest among us.
Samantha Carter: Oh, geez.
Innkeeper: These are devlish devils, and gamblers too.
Soldier: I think I'll take a closer look.
Innkeeper: But that's folly!
The Storyteller: [narrating] Folly or not, the soldier goes, sack on his shoulder, whistle on his lips, into the palace.
The Storyteller: [the Soldier enters the empty palace, whistling] And inside it's very quiet. As if the walls were holding their breath... and waiting.
Jack O'Neill: [talking to the General about the loop] If it was just me I'd agree. But what about Teal'c? Come on! Is this the face of a crazy man?
[cuts to Teal'c looking very peculiar]
Jack O'Neill: Bad example.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: There's no conclusion to the file. No summary, no notes, no reason to explain why they gave up.
Jack O'Neill: Well, whole boxes of material could be missing.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The Pentagon said this was everything.
Jack O'Neill: Oh, please. The Pentagon's lost entire countries.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: This was transferred from film of experiments done on the gate in 1945. You don't find that the least bit intriguing?
Jack O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Nothing piques my interest more than repeated failure.
Jack O'Neill: Weren't we just somewhere else?
Daniel Jackson: Where?
Jack O'Neill: Some planet.
Daniel Jackson: When?
Jack O'Neill: Just now.
Daniel Jackson: No.
Jack O'Neill: Sure?
Daniel Jackson: Yeah.
Sam Carter: Where's Daniel?
Jack O'Neill: Oh, Ernest was showin' him a new toy.
Sam Carter: Really, what?
Jack O'Neill: Some fancy light show that may be the key to our existence or somethin' like that.
Jack O'Neill: Basic survival training. We know what we have, what do we need?
Teal'c: We have the stargate. We need the dial home device.
Jack O'Neill: Thank you, Teal'c.