Author Unknown quotes, page 24
Dr. Rodney McKay: By my calculation we have been exposed to 327 millisieverts since the sun came up. May not sound like much to you, but I've been keeping a running tally of my lifetime exposure to radiation. X-rays, cellphones, plane rides, the whole unfortunate Genii nuclear reactor thing. My God, last week we flew dangerously close to the corona of a sun. As it is I may have to forgo reproducing.
Major Lorne: Yeah, it's funny. I was just thinking that might be wise.
Virgil: Adam! Look I'm sorry for running my big fat mouth off. Especially to someone who has a bigger, fatter, mouth than me.
Sharon Hawkins: Zip it Virgil!
Virgil: I'm just trying to appologize.
Sharon Hawkins: He doesn't want to hear it right now.
Virgil: What happened?
Adam: The deal's off. A.J. doesn't like my music after all.
Virgil: Adam your tunes are tight. There must be some sort of mistake?
Adam: No this came from the horse's mouth. Man I thought A.J. was feeling me but I was getting played like a sucka this whole time. Gah!
Sharon Hawkins: Adam!
Major Lorne: I was hoping Lieutenant Ford might recognize a friendly face and just turn himself in.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What, you mean me?
Major Lorne: Well you were friends, weren't you?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh yeah, when we weren't out on harrowing missions we used to hang out together. I'd share my dreams of a self-sustaining fusion and he would talk of how you could sever a man's torso with a P90.
Geoffrey Jellineck: [laughs] He's just kidding we're not lovers, we just have sex.
Charles 'Chuck' Noblet: Hot... ass-thumping... sex.
General George S. Hammond: Can these devices be removed?
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Not without causing irreparable brain damage, sir.
Jack O'Neill: What's the down side?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Why wait? Why does the guy show up a day-and-a-half after this all starts to do his whole "Prepare to meet your doom" thing?
Major Samantha Carter: I don't know. Maybe he wanted to make sure it was gonna work.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? "Nothing can stop the destruction that I bring upon you!" Then the gate shuts down. "Oops, sorry. Never mind."
Teal'c: Since it is their planet, is it not we who are the aliens?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually, the word alien refers to anything characteristic of a very different place or culture, anything really strange relative from our own perspective.
Jack O'Neill: Think we call you alien because you're from Chu'lak? Ha.
The Storyteller: Now to say you wouldn't care when you want something is a dangerous thing. That woman wanted a baby so bad she could't care what she got.
Urgo: You are so smart, Samantha. I love that about you.
Jack O'Neill: Carter?
Samantha Carter: The technology implanted in our brains, sir. We're looking at some sort of visual communication interface; controlled hallucination.
Jack O'Neill: So... I... Be- What?
Urgo: He gets confused. By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You lied to me.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Replicator Sam] What?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You promised you'd leave Earth alone. There's replicators infiltrating the SGC right now.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Replicator Sam] How can you know that?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: While I was in your mind, you were inside mine.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Took a while to figure out, fortunately you were too distracted to notice. Some of the Ancient knowledge really helped too, thank you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Replicator Sam] You tricked me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You tricked me first.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Replicator Sam] You should never have told me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Too late. For you that is.
[she attempts to hit him and he grabs her arm]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Trying to leave? Sorry, a little more time in Danny's world.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Replicator Sam] My brethren will not stop. You cannot control them.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Not yet. But I'm learning.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: It's unfortunate you're being recalled. I thought we were making such good progress.
Camulus: Your demands were ridiculous. We had no choice but to terminate negotiations.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Well, give my regards to Ba'al.
Fran: Look Jerri, as long as you're with me, you'll never go bad, because I've got you stored in my crisper, and the refrangerator is always dialed up to 9.
Samantha Carter: Well, he can't actually make us do anything we don't want to, sir.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Then why did I have to treat your arm for a burn? Didn't you say Urgo was responsible?
Urgo: I didn't mean to!
Samantha Carter, Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson: He didn't mean to.
Teal'c: It was not his intention.
Hank Landry: We've had teams gate in from locations on the other side of that black hole in our universe. Why weren't they affected?
Cameron Mitchell: I have one more stupid question.
[Landry turns around]
Cameron Mitchell: Sorry, yours was fine. Mine is stupid.
Camulus: This may come as a surprise to you...
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Oh, I'm not sure anything can surprise me at this point.
Camulus: I wish to request asylum.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Well, seems I was wrong again.
The Storyteller: And so the boy who set forth to learn what fear was, learned it at home. And he married his sweetheart, with her name and all and never left again. Mr. McKay told me that story a long time ago when I was very young and I didn't know the half of it.
Cameron Mitchell: [softly] You know, I read all the mission reports on the Asgard. They're not what I expected.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: What were you expecting?
Cameron Mitchell: [glancing at Kvasir] Well, pants for one.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: [trying to decide if he should accept his promotion] I've spent my whole life stickin' it to the man. If I do this, I'll be the man. I don't think I can be the man.
Jerri Blank: Well, what would you do if your daddy died?
Cassie Pines: HEY. You'd love that, wouldn't you? Just because your dad was killed in some freak accident, nobody can have one? Well I'll tell ya something. My daddy's alive and yours is dead and ain't nothin' gonna change that.
Jack O'Neill: I know, General. It's all fun and games until someone breaks a nail.
Teal'c: Given the dangers we may face, it was decided that we would proceed alone.
Alternate Cameron Mitchell: So if this plan goes FUBAR, we're the only ones to go down with the ship?
[Mitchell indicates that he is right]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [wryly] Well, there's plenty more where we came from, right?
Nerus: [Ba'al is about to shoot Nerus] Oh. I don't suppose there is anything I can say?
[Ba'al shakes his head]
Nerus: But I'm so interesting.
Tinker: We must say goodbye, then.
Fearnot: You must meet my family.
Tinker: No, families don't like me.
Fearnot: Of course they will, you're my friend, you must come in.
Tinker: As my dear old mother used to say: leave them while they want you to stay. No thank you.
Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Jack O'Neill: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Jack O'Neill: Never run with... scissors?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: As we discussed the situation we realized we could pinpoint the source of the phenomenon to a precise window. Specifically the interim journey between the two gates.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Did she just say "we"?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Pardon me?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: She said we. You said we?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Ah, me and... myself, I suppose. The other Samantha Carter.
Cameron Mitchell: Right, finally someone who can keep up with you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [Smiling] Yep!
Jerri Blank: They never did find out who gave Poppy the drugs, so I guess justice was served.
General George S. Hammond: Doctor, are we entirely sure that the members of SG-1 are, what's the word?
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Sane?
General George S. Hammond: That's the one!
Kvasir: The perilous nature of this mission should not be taken lightly. There is a chance that the Prometheus may not survive this voyage. But courage and a steadfast resolve will prove the most valuable assets in this undertaking. Well, good luck to you all.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I miss Thor.
[the Stargate and its DHD have just been beamed away under SG1's nose]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well, here's an obvious question...
Fearnot: Come nearer, demon and I'll cut off your head and then there'll be three parts to marry.
Hank Landry: We have the top minds from eighteen different universes working on a way to get you home.
[Jonas is having a burger, fries, and milkshake for lunch. Sam arrives just in time to see him dunk a fry in the shake and eat it]
Sam Carter: Nice... lunch.
Jonas: Mmmm. I'm really starting to enjoy this, uh, "Traditional American Food." Mmm.
Sam Carter: We have another tradition. It's called "hardened arteries".
General George S. Hammond: Can we determine what threat they pose?
Jack O'Neill: Apparently all desserts on base are in grave danger.
Jack O'Neill: You're obviously misreading a basic philosophical difference of opinion on how to handle a chrisis.
Daniel Jackson: Oh please! We have a-a difference of opinion on just about everything!
Jack O'Neill: Give me an example.
Daniel Jackson: U-u-u, I don't know! Pick something! How - how about - how about mythology!
Jack O'Neill: Rumors, lies, fairytales.
Daniel Jackson: You see! See! See! See! See! See!
[jumps around in a circle in frustration]
Daniel Jackson: Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development!
Jack O'Neill: Maybe it is! What's that got to do with *filming a plant*!
Daniel Jackson: Exactly!
Jack O'Neill: What does *that* mean!
Daniel Jackson: I don't know!
[they silently look at each other]
Jack O'Neill: [calmly] Okay. What was that?
Daniel Jackson: I don't know. I don't feel so good.
Jack O'Neill: I've got a headache.
Hank Landry: Another SG-1 came through twenty minutes ago, which puts the count at twelve teams, not including yourselves.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, at least we're in good company!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wow, this coffee's great!
Samantha Carter: I was just thinking that.
Jack O'Neill: Yeah, is that cinnamon?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's, uh, it's chicory
Jack O'Neill: [contemplative] Hm, chicory.
[Teal'c unscrews the lid from the coffee pot and drinks the contents]
Samantha Carter: Teal'c?
[He continues to drink as everyone looks, then finishes]
Jack O'Neill: Isn't that hot?
[the others look shocked]
General George S. Hammond: Just stay on the base. We're going to need to keep and eye on you for the time being.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I feel fine.
Teal'c: As do I, Daniel Jackson.
General George S. Hammond: For someone who just drank a half gallon of steaming hot coffee?
Jack O'Neill: Right.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: No offense, Jackson, but you do not strike me as the drug dealer type. In fact, you're not even close.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think I'm as close as you are!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Come on! You're miles away.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Teal'c, which one of us is closer?
Teal'c: I believe the three of you to be equidistant.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh, please! Mary Poppins is not even in the running!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Hey!
Poppy Downes: And meanwhile, our brothers from the east were eating bowls of rice safely nestled in their internment camps.
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Excellent report, Poppy. It's important that we never forget the atrocities the Japanese committed against our boys.
Tinker: You will give me forty shillings if I could frighten ya?
Tinker: Heh heh, I see, said the blind man. Let me think. Shut your eyes.
[Fearnot closes his eyes, Mr. McKay shouts loudly in his ear]
Tinker: Whoa! Whoa!
Fearnot: Something the matter?
[after making a trick shot in pool]
Big Guy: How the hell did you do that?
Major Samantha Carter: You wanna go double or nothing?
Big Guy: No. I think I'll cut my losses.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [chagrined] smart move
Cassandra: Dominic's waiting.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Fine. Invite him in. I'm sure he'd love to have a piece of birthday cake that Sam went to all the trouble to bake.
Major Samantha Carter: Buy.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: Bring.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sam is right, we are not equipped to take these guys on.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I have no intention of taking anybody on. I'm just going to pose as a buyer.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well no offense Jackson, but you do not strike me as the drug dealer type.
The Storyteller: The second son of the second cousin of my second wife's second niece, who died, and left her husband, a tailor, two sons. The one good, the other good for nothing. And he was called Fearnot.
[the Tok'ra have showed up with a box]
Anise: You may call me Anise.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Anise?
Anise: It means "noble strength".
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um, I'm Daniel. It means, uh, "God is my judge".
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I'm Jack. It means...
[gestures at the box]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: What's in the box?
Alternate Daniel Jackson: [Alternate Teal'c pushes Mitchell into a bulkhead, knocking him out] Wouldn't it have been easier to zat him?
Alternate Teal'c: Easier, yes. But far less gratifying.
Alternate Cameron Mitchell: Did he just insult me?
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: Sir, if you don't mind my asking...
Major General Hank Landry: How did we plant the beacon on Nerus?
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: Yes, sir.
Major General Hank Landry: It was a piece of cake.
Jerri Blank: All you need is some TLC and some vitamin P. What I'm trying to say, Paul, is I find you sexually attractive.
Paul Cotton: Jerri, everyone in school says ...
Jerri Blank: I like the pole and the hole, and right now, I'm as moist as a snack cake down there. So, why don't you come to my crib after school and I'll make your pinky all stinky.
Storyteller's Dog: [frightened of a spider] Have ya killed it?
The Storyteller: Yes.
Storyteller's Dog: Promise?
The Storyteller: Promise. I popped it between my fingers. Come and see. It's quite a mess. Blech!
Storyteller's Dog: Good. Yuck! They're foul. they don't even know the meaning of the world bone.
The Storyteller: What a noodle you are, frightened of a little thing.
Storyteller's Dog: You're afraid of rats!
The Storyteller: Everyone frightened of rats. They're rattish. Thats normal. Why? Have you seen a rat?
Waitress: What can I get you?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Um, three of the biggest steaks you've got, with everything, rare, and baked potato.
Waitress: You got it!
[She starts to walk off]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Excuse me... That was for me!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, I'm gonna have three as well.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Four?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Four... Four is good, yeah.
Major Samantha Carter: Me too, and French fries with mine... oh and a diet soda!
[O'Neill and Jackson give her a funny look]
Major Samantha Carter: I like the taste better!
Dr. Bill Lee: Given the fact that previous trips through this black hole didn't produce a rupture in the subspace structure...
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: They may not have produced the rupture but it is entirely possible that their repeated trips contributed to the deterioration space-time fabric that eventually seeded to the singularity, creating a bridge between the various realities.
Dr. Bill Lee: And I'm thinking that the proximity of these realities in relation to each other may account for the absence of the entropic cascade failure. But this still doesn't help us with main problem... how do reverse the process?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I don't have any answer to that, because if I did
[camera pans around to show 15 Samantha Carters behind her]
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: we all wouldn't be here.
Major General Hank Landry: If you tell me what I need to know, I'll arrange a feast the likes of which you've not seen since you set foot on this planet.
Major General Hank Landry: I do not use the word lightly.
Nerus: Nor do I.
Jerri Blank: Do a lot of the people die of the syphilis?
Chuck Noblet: Oh, absolutely. Historically, syphilis is right up there with Germans. It wiped out the Romanovs, it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor, and of course, Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave President Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off.
The Storyteller: And not a minute it seemed, before there he was: a son, a boy. And the young mother would have given anything, everything to say his name, sing to him, whisper... But she couldn't, so she didn't.
The Storyteller: So that's how a story was lost and then found. And it's still told today for the king will hear no other. Only it's changed now, the wife comes back to the storyteller, the storteller becomes king, you know how it is in stories. She was a lovely. Lovely red hair...
Storyteller's Dog: Are you hungry? I've got a bone somewhere.
Major Samantha Carter: So, has it occurred to anyone that we're defying a direct order?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, it's not like we haven't defied orders before.
Major Samantha Carter: Well, yeah, but that was to save Earth.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Earth. Steaks. There's a difference?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: We have got the best jobs in the world, don't we?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I'm gonna hit the shower.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm gonna find a doctor.
Teal'c: We are indeed suitably employed
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, it was a good day.
Jerri Blank: First of all, I don't like people. I like me.
Mr. Geoffrey Jellineck: Does everything have to be about you?
Jerri Blank: Well, I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.
The Storyteller: As for the cook, he threw out the pot of oil and kept the stone instead. Whenever a poor unfortunate came a begging, he would make them a most delicious soup.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Uh, General, sir? About the obviously impending court-martials, I'd like...
Major General: You were all under the influence of an alien technology, Colonel. That's a pretty solid defense.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Even so, I... I'm sorry.
Major Samantha Carter: Me too.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Me three.
Teal'c: I have no need to apologize.
Major General: Teal'c was actually following orders.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: [resignedly] Of course he was.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We're supposed to stay under the radar.
Teal'c: I doubt if this world possesses such technology.
The Storyteller: And then I understood what the beggar had done: he'd given me a story. When I was a story short, he made me one.
Cameron Mitchell: Now, let me get this straight. We figured that you guys would try to escape, and we set this trap for you. Not realizing that you'd figure out that we'd figure you out, and you set your own.
The Storyteller: And so, majesty, I have no story to tell.
King: [tearful] But that's the best story I've ever heard
[claps his hands]
Cook: And me!
[cries and claps also]
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh please, Mary Poppins is not even in the running.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Hey!
[about to blow their way through a blast door with C-4]
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Use two of those things.
Colonel Reynolds: Sir?
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: It's a *blast* door.
Dr. Trepanning: Well, Jerri, it's been a tough night, but we finally subdued him. I tell you, your son Stew sure can take a blow to the head.
Jerri Blank: Well technically, he's not my son. He's my stepmother's lover.
Dr. Trepanning: Oh, good, then you can sign these release forms.
Jerri Blank: How's he doing?
Dr. Trepanning: Well, aside from the insanity, he's as healthy as a horse that's been beaten unconscious by a gang of savage orderlies.
Maj. John Sheppard: [stranded on the other side of the time-dilation portal] This is Sheppard. I appreciate you can't hear me, but I don't have a volleyball to talk to, so what the hell.
Major General George Hammond: Colonel Chekov feels that, as a symbol to our joint efforts, a Russian officer should be assigned to join SG-1.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Over my rotting corpse, sir.
Major General George Hammond: Colonel?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?
Major General George Hammond: I said I would discuss it with you and that I was sure you would give it some careful thought.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: And that I will, General, but I'm still pretty sure I'll say: "Bite Me".
The Storyteller: This morning a man blessed, by lunch a flea. This does not bode well for the evening. Unless I find my story, it's a boil in the oil...
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: So he just looks crazy.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sure I do but only because Dr Fumbles McStupid over here was in way of his head!
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Yes, yes. I made a mistake trying to save your life! Now, do you want try to fix it or do you want to continue to berate me some more?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time!
First: Your iris code is 903224637.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Wow, that's... close. Here's one for you. I'm thinking of an animal.
[Sam, Teal'c and Jonas are sitting in a restaurant/coffee shop located in a small town, where they are investigating the disappearance of Richard Flemming]
Jonas: Don't tell me you haven't noticed how strangely the people have been acting around here.
Sam Carter: What are you talking about?
Jonas: Well for instance, that man there right behind Teal'c, he doesn't realize it, but he just put eight cubes of sugar into his coffee, and that lady over at the counter, she's been reading the same article for a half an hour. Since we sat down, that waitress has dropped her tray twice, the cook has gotten three wrong orders *including* my hamburger, which I ordered medium rare, but is in fact well done. I've been noticing similar behavior all morning. It's like, uh, the entire town is half asleep.
Hank Landry: It's possible the first spatial tear may have caused a ripple effect across several realities, transforming an area of their subspace into into a kind of funnel that's redirecting their gate travel into this universe. Any wormhole passing close enough to the black hole is being drawn into the singularity and rerouted here.
Hank Landry: So you're telling me that we're the hub?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: A convergence point, yes sir. It might account for why gate travel in this universe isn't affected.
Hank Landry: Inform all off world teams to proceed to the Alpha Site. Until further notice gate travel to and from Stargate Command will be suspended indefinitely.
Cameron Mitchell: What if there are more teams coming in hot?
Hank Landry: I'm willing to make the occasional exception but I'm not about to turn this base into the Grand Central Station of the multiverse.
Storyteller's Dog: The witch! But she was married to the other king!
The Storyteller: The other king was dead, poisoned.
Storyteller's Dog: Ow!
The Storyteller: Oh no, the witch had a taste for kings now, for countries. For the princess was a thorn pricking at her ambitions. The princess could not speak, but she accused with her looks: killer of my father, bewitcher of my brothers. And the witch knew she must have done with her. And so the battle began: the good princess and the wicked witch.