Author Unknown quotes, page 21
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Fran, you're late.
Fran: Am I? Or is the rest of the world early?
Baldric: I can't believe that worked!
Dr. Rodney McKay: What happened to positive thinking?
Baldric: I lied.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: So, the question is, why haven't you and Mr. Teal'c come down with the symptoms?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um, Mr. Teal'c... Teal'c's symbiote probably protects him.
Teal'c: That would be likely.
Dr. Janet Fraiser: W-What about you, Dr. Jackson?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, that beats me. You're the doctor, Doctor. Ah, maybe I have a natural immunity.
Teal'c: Perhaps you will develop symptoms later.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Thank you for the moral support.
Dr. Samantha Carter: You have to understand, my Jack had the same face, same voice, same hands.
Jack O'Neill: Which brings to mind an obvious question: How could you marry such a loser?
Baldric: What do you intend to do with it?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Blow a hole straight up to the surface, assuming I can get it to fly in a straight line. I've never actually done anything like this before.
Baldric: What'll happen if you succeed?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, two possibilities. Either we create a nice sturdy shaft that will give us some much-needed air and provide a big enough gap for the radio signal to get through, or it will bring the already unsteady ceiling down on us, burying us both alive.
Baldric: I prefer to imagine the first possibility.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, yes, the power of positive thinking. Very good. While you do that, I will rely on my experience and expertise.
Baldric: You said you'd never done this before.
Dr. Rodney McKay: General expertise. Will you be quiet while I do this?
[upon seeing a diseased Daniel flirting with a girl whom has the same disease]
Jack O'Neill: Daniel, you dog. You keep this up, you'll have a girl on every planet.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Let me ask you a question. Who would you trust with your life more than anyone else in the world? Don't worry, I won't be offended if you don't pick me. Could it be Teal'c?
Jack O'Neill: Sure.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ah, Teal'c, just refresh my memory. What was your previous occupation?
Teal'c: I was First Prime of Apophis.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right. Did a few nasty things back then?
Dr. Rodney McKay: If I can find the ZPM, then we can shut these people down whenever we want. Without the Drone Chair, they're just a bunch of primitive thugs with axes and knives.
Dr. Carson Beckett: Axes and knives can cause damage, Rodney!
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know what I mean.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We've been up against some pretty bad guys before.
Major General Jack O'Neill: Uhhh... not so pretty. Overdressed yes.
Neera: What is it like, your world?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's nice. Comfortable, good climate.
Neera: Tell me what it looks like.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Like every other world, I suppose. Trees, water, mountains, Starbucks on every corner.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: [about Sam] She, uh, she tried to seduce me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh. You poor man.
Jack O'Neill: For all we know you could be her evil twin. But then we'd be dealing with clichés, and you know how I feel about those. No, actually, *you* know how I feel about those.
Ronon Dex: So people just sit and watch this box for hours at a time?
Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah, people do.
Teyla Emmagan: Is it that engaging?
Maj. John Sheppard: Depends what's on it. There are lots of programs on dozens of channels, every day, all day.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Most of which are fictional representations of ridiculously attractive people in absurd situations
Maj. John Sheppard: There are educational programmes, all sorts of documentaries. Not many people watch 'em but, uh, well, they're on.
Ronon Dex: And that's what everybody on your planet does for entertainment? Watch a box?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Not everyone -- although I will confess to the occasional half hour of 'Jeopardy'.
Ronon Dex: Jeopardy?
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's the name of the show -- 'Jeopardy'.
Ronon Dex: Sounds dangerous.
Maj. John Sheppard: Double Jeopardy -- that's twice as dangerous
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So this iris is gonna hold, right?
Sam Carter: Pure titanium, less than three micrometers from the event horizon. It won't even allow matter to fully reintegrate.
Jack O'Neill: So this iris is gonna hold, right?
Sam Carter: If it doesn't, the fail-safe device will detonate, this whole mountain will vaporize, and there'll be nothin' to worry about.
Jack O'Neill: Ah, good. I feel much better.
Jack O'Neill: Alright, I gotta know.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, I'm about to turn it on.
Jack O'Neill: No, no, no, no, not that... What the hell does 'Cree' mean?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He's making a break for the coronasphere.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Would it be good to mention that we have less protection in this ship than we did on the Daedalus?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Not really.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't think so.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Take a break. Fraiser says Teal'c needs a little pep talk.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I've been practicing in front of a mirror for an hour.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Not 'peppy' enough?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Not really...
[Dr. Jackson nods and gets up]
Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: What are our options?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, let me see - we have slow death, quick death, painful death, cold lonely death...
Colonel Jack O'Neill: [Maybourne has stopped walking up the Gate ramp] Yes?
Colonel Harry Maybourne: You know the real reason I wanna do this?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Huh?
Colonel Harry Maybourne: I've never actually been through this thing before.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Really?
Colonel Harry Maybourne: I ran the off-world operation from Earth using a Goa'uld communicator.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Nervous?
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Me? Nah... I'm just taking a moment.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: [pause] Done?
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Yeah!
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Good.
Teal'c: Major Carter.
Major Samantha Carter: Teal'c, this is the women's locker room.
Teal'c: It appears there is no one else here but you, and you are fully clothed.
Major Samantha Carter: True.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Best case scenario?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I win a Nobel Prize.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Worst case scenario?
Dr. Rodney McKay: We tear a hole in the fabric of the universe... which is much less likely to happen than the Nobel Prize. I mean, look, the risks are nothing compared to the potential benefits. Elizabeth will listen to you. I have never asked this of you before, but I think I've earned it. Trust me.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Teal'c, Rya'c, Bra'tac, and Rak'nor have all been taken prisoner] This is my fault.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: How's that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: 'Cause I should have done something when I had the chance... when I had the power...
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I think we've already established that wouldn't've worked out either.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Nope! It's time for Plan B.
Major Samantha Carter: We have a Plan B?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: No, but it's time for one.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [the team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time] You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?
Dr. Radek Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm always like this.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: My point exactly.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I wasn't gonna let you die, Lieutenant. It's, like, a ton of paper work.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [via radio] Rodney, I cannot afford to lose either one of you. Now tell me: can you do this?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Are you sure?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Are you sure you're sure?
Dr. Rodney McKay: I said yes!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Because if you're wrong...
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: [to his radio] I'll call you back after the test - how does that sound?
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [via radio] You'd better.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [to John] I won't let you down.
Daniel Jackson: This tastes like chicken.
Sam Carter: So what's wrong with it?
Daniel Jackson: It's macaroni and cheese.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: You wanted to kill me from the start.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Ah, screw you, Maybourne. I was joking. Look what you did to my leg.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: I set the trap for the pig.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: With a grenade?
Neera: You have fought the Wraith before?
Maj. John Sheppard: Lots of times. Won some battles, lost some. War's not over by a long shot, but we're managing to hold our own.
Neera: And the clowns?
Maj. John Sheppard: The clowns? Oh, yeah, the clowns... we fight them too. Entire armies, spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending 'em in.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Sorry, Jack. I never should've dragged you into this.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes, Harry. You've been a very bad boy.
Dr. Rodney McKay: If you know of some way of manually retracting the mechanism...
Maj. John Sheppard: In the cockpit, on the left.
Dr. Rodney McKay: The cockpit is regrettably demolecularised at the moment.
[Daniel is studying the book of Origin]
Vala Mal Doran: Tell you what. Why don't you flip to the end and see how it all turns out?
Dr. Rodney McKay: If we're hoping these people have something to trade, we are wasting our time. From the looks of it, they barely have enough food to feed themselves; and their technology...
[showing a scythe]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, let's just say that this about sums it up, huh?
Teyla Emmagan: Establishing good relations with our neighbours is not just about trade.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Right, but do we need to make friends with every primitive agrarian society in the Pegasus galaxy?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Alright, that's enough. They can't all be planets with cool technology and open-minded women.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't see why not!
Colonel Steven Caldwell: A weapon that could effectively eliminate the Wraith threat is very attractive to me, and to the people that I work for. I'm not hiding that fact. But there's more to it, isn't there? No more hunting for ZPMs; the shield at full strength; faster, more powerful ships. How 'bout a power source that could provide the energy needs for an entire planet? No more fossil fuels.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I get it! And if it worked as advertised, it would be wonderful. I'm trying to tell you I know Rodney McKay and there are times when I have to protect him from himself.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I can do that. Let me go back with him - just him and me. You can activate the Stargate any time you want to contact us by radio.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: He really sold you.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He asked me to trust him.
Jack O'Neill: Look, I'm no expert on this thing. I generally remember one Commandment, I think it's the first.
Sam Carter: "I am the Lord, your God, and you shall take no other Gods before me"?
Jack O'Neill: Okay, it's not the first one.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: You know, I've never been on a-a stakeout before. Shouldn't we have, like-like donuts or something?
Hathor: How do we contact the Asgard, so that we might align with their forces?
Jack O'Neill: Try Roswell - little place in New Mexico.
Maj. John Sheppard: McKay will come up with something.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman.
[Sheppard looks around]
Maj. John Sheppard: Was anyone seriously thinking that?
[Weir, Teyla and the other scientist shake their heads 'No']
Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: No sir.
Dr. Zelenka: Never.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Fine.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: ...putting your life and other people's lives at risk. You destroyed three quarters of a solar system!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, five sixths. It's not an exact science.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Rodney, can you give your ego a rest for one second?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I hope it's important. I was right in the middle of translating that cuneiform tablet we found on P3L-255.
Major Samantha Carter: I still have to finish recalibrating MALP 3K sensors for long-term reconnaissance on P5X-3D7.
Teal'c: I was unable to complete my Kel no'reem.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: I was just about to do something important.
Jack O'Neill: Listen, um, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me.
Major Charles Kawalsky: We're friends.
Jack O'Neill: If you don't make it... can I have your stereo?
Martin Lloyd: They put an implant in my head. I always thought they were sending me signals.
Teal'c: To whom are you referring?
Martin Lloyd: You know, "Them"? The secret government?
[waits for them to understand, but they don't]
Martin Lloyd: The-the New World Order? Black helicopters, underground basses? Don't you guys read the papers?
Dr. Radek Zelenka: I'm more concerned about the Ancient database - its ability to back up data. It's incredibly redundant.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [confused] 'Incredibly redundant'.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: [laughs] Yeah, that one never gets old. But seriously...
[O'Neill hands Daniel night-vision goggles]
Jack O'Neill: Put these on.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Doesn't look like my prescription.
Lucas Randall: I don't want an invisible friend. People will think I'm crazy-er.
[Teal'c manages to effect the escape of the imprisoned SG-1 team from a hellish prison planet despite the obstructive efforts of Aldwin, who believed the task impossible.]
Teal'c: [seeing the team safely aboard ship] We have escaped.
Aldwin: I am sorry I doubted you.
Teal'c: I am as surprised as you that we have survived.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Hey, don't you die on me now.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: What difference would it make?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Because we're about to be rescued.
Colonel Harry Maybourne: Oh, that's nice.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Isn't it?
Dr. Carson Beckett: You wanted to see me Rodney?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes yes. I need something to keep me awake.
Dr. Radek Zelenka: Yeah, me too.
Dr. Carson Beckett: I've already given you something.
Dr. Rodney McKay: [irritated] Yeah? Well we're building nuclear bombs here. Staying awake is sort of a prerequisite.
[Daniel asks for a translation over the phone]
Teal'c: "Banished to oblivion."
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Right. Okay, uh, thank you.
Teal'c: If you require assistance, I would be more than happy to return to the SGC.
[O'Neill looks annoyed]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No, thanks. I-I think I can take it from here.
Teal'c: Are you certain?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Give me that!
[takes the phone]
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Goodbye, Daniel.
[he hangs up, removes the battery and throws it away]
Jack O'Neill: Alright, uh, just to clarify, this Carter is from an *alternate* alternate reality?
Major Samantha Carter: Why don't you try a glass of warm milk?
Teal'c: I would prefer not to consume bovine lactose at any temperature.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Alright, that's it. We're outta here.
Dr. Rodney McKay: It's not safe! The weapon's firing at random targets above the planet. This is the safest place to be right now.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: The place isn't gonna be safe for very much longer!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I can bring it back under control! Just give me a second!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: No, you can't!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Just one second!
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I've seen this before, Rodney: pilots who wouldn't eject when something went wrong - trying to fix their planes right until it hit the ground.
Dr. Rodney McKay: OK, we need to leave. I've waited too long - the weapon can't discharge enough power to avoid a catastrophic overload. This whole planet's gonna go up. Not that your speech wasn't working.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: So how do we fight these guys? And I mean the message as much as the men. A lot of folks out there are going to buy what these guys are selling.
Teal'c: Hopefully now many have been educated to the ways of false gods.
Vala Mal Doran: Yes, but we're not talking about humans with snakes in their heads with a slightly better understanding of technology.
Jack O Neill: [Tealc walks into gate room with active wormhole] Hey lets go! Know how much it costs to keep that thing on?
Ronon Dex: We need to split up. I'll take Sheppard, you go after Weir.
Teyla Emmagan: Why?
Ronon Dex: I know how he thinks. I don't have the slightest clue how she thinks.
Dr. Sarah Gardner/Osiris: Where is my brother, Setesh?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh, you mean Seth? Uh, he's dead. We, uh, we killed him.
Dr. Sarah Gardner/Osiris: You lie.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: No. No, we also killed Ra, uh, and Hathor, and, uh, who else? Um, Sokar.
Dr. Samantha Carter: If the Asgard could design this to give the gate extra juice, then they're just the little green men we're looking for.
Jack O'Neill: They're grey, actually. Roswell grey to be exact.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We got the drones, we got a few Jumpers. I even got the girl.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You got the girl?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, I mean I could have got the girl. I turned her down.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: What did you offer them in return for the drones and the Jumpers?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: A supply of medicines and an IDC if they need to reach us. We also offered to help them come up with a new way of running things when the time comes.
Dr. Elizabeth Weir: They didn't offer you King?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I turned that down too.
[after escaping "Hell"]
Jacob Carter/Selmak: Do you have any leave coming up?
Samantha Carter: Yeah, a little.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: I was thinkin' maybe we could take a little father/daughter vacation together.
Samantha Carter: That'd be great, Dad.
Jacob Carter/Selmak: I hear Alaska's cold this time of year.
Ori Prior #2: I have come to spread the word to the unbelievers who have been sheltered and raised by evil.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: You have no idea how much he sounds like my Grandma.
[being kidnapped, but wearing a wire]
Martin Lloyd: Nice van. What do you call that color? Kind of a grayish-green, huh?
[in a large extravagant room with big bull heads]
Jack O'Neill: Love what they've done with the place.
Captain Samantha Carter: I was gonna do my living room like this, but, it didn't go with my other stuff.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well, I suppose after you've saved the world seven or eight times.
Major General Jack O'Neill: Who's counting, huh?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Teal'c. Actually, he mentions it quite often.
Lucas Randall: Hey, Babe.
Josie Trent: [to Corrine] Please tell me he did not just say that to us.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You need to avoid flying predictably to prevent the weapon from locking onto us.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I know what I'm doing.
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm just saying: be sure not to fly in a straight line.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Rodney, shut up!
Dr. Rodney McKay: Can I just say there's no way the Jumper can take even one direct hit?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'll keep that in mind.
Teal'c: Are you able to translate any of this, Jonas Quinn?
Jonas Quinn: It's not Ancient, but it's definitely a language belonging to one of the races of the ancient alliance.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Nox? Asgard?
Jonas Quinn: Furlings.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Oh, no. Not those guys.
Jonas Quinn: What?
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Oh, I don't know. I just can't imagine cute, little, furry things making big powerful weapons, that's all.
Jonas Quinn: I don't even know what they look like.
Colonel Jack O'Neill: Furling. Sounds cute and fuzzy to me.
Jack O'Neill: [Jack and Daniel are in the infirmary. They have just had a major argue on a planet] Listen I, uh...
Daniel Jackson: No, no. Um... sorry, you were gonna say...
Jack O'Neill: No, it's just that, uh... Well... you know...
Daniel Jackson: No I know, I know. I know. You know that I...
Jack O'Neill: I know. It's obvious there's something...
Daniel Jackson: Something, something wrong with us.
Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson: Physically!
Janet Fraiser: [enters] Well, there's nothing wrong with you.
Daniel Jackson: What?
Janet Fraiser: Well, I've run every test I could, short of exploratory brain surgery and you're both in perfect health.
Jack O'Neill: Huh.
Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, I've never actually been inside one of these before today. It's a little, uh, cramped, huh?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Just relax, Rodney. We're safe... for the moment.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Great. Quick question, though, just out of curiosity: how much, uh, air do these things carry?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Lots.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Uh, I'm just saying, because if this doesn't work, we'll have to go over the whole plan and who knows how long we could get stuck in here, and, and, so it-it-it would...
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You know what, Rodney? You're exactly right. It's a limited supply, so why don't we conserve it by you not talking? At all.
Jack O'Neill: Alright, I gotta know.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, I'm about to activate it.
Jack O'Neill: No, no, no, no. Not that. What the hell does 'Kree' mean?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, actually, it means a lot of things.
Jack O'Neill: Uh-huh.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Loosely translated it means attention, listen up, concentrate.
Jack O'Neill: Yoo-hoo?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes. In a manner of speaking.
Teyla Emmagan: We have a problem. They took Colonel Sheppard.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What? Who did?
Teyla Emmagan: Soldiers from the Tower. They confiscated our weapons.
Dr. Rodney McKay: What, and you let them?
Teyla Emmagan: We didn't exactly have much of a choice.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Alright. I'm on my way back.
Doci: Take the unbelievers back to Ver Eger. Let its cleansing mark forever the beginning of a new Age. Evil has raised a great many unbelievers in a far-off place. They must be shown the path.
Prior: Hallowed are the Ori
Doci: Hallowed are the Ori
Lucas Randall: The Lukester's got it goin' on.
Josie Trent: Maybe it's time we find out exactly what the Lukester's got goin' on.
Teyla Emmagan: Are you alright?
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: We're in a holding cell?
Teyla Emmagan: Yes.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: On a hive ship?
Teyla Emmagan: Uh huh.
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Then no, I'm not doing so good.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What year is it?
Captain Samantha Carter: 1999 more than likely.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: So this is all a hoax.
Jack O'Neill: Big hoax. I'd say so.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I have more questions, but that can wait.
Neera: The Wraith will not allow us to escape.
Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah, well, I try not to let them tell me what I can and can't do.
Neera: [surprised] You do not fear them?
Maj. John Sheppard: The Wraith? Naah. Now clowns - that's another story. Scare the crap out of me.
Colonel Makepeace: Don't you worry, boys. That's why the SG-3 Marines are comin' with. You can count on us to watch your backsides.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually, it's - it's more my frontside I was worried about.