Author Unknown quotes, page 2
Copard: Good evening, Mr. Sweeney. Nice of you to drop by for dinner.
Dale Sweeney: Who the hell are you people?
Copard: Well, that depends. 'Til recently we were known as the infamous homeless killer. But now you may refer to us as the Grateful Homeless Outcasts and Unwanted Layaway Society.
Dale Sweeney: Ghouls?
Copard: It's been so long since we've had fresh meat...
[Jack is telling Haskins that he failed to capture Tim Cook]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: George Carter got stabbed.
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: Stabbed?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: With a fork...
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: Anyone eating with it at the time ?
Will Crandall: Me, I'd just have soon waited until morning, but there's no holding back the U.S. cavalry. This here's Corporal Haynie. He's one of Captain Lurie's boys from Company C.
Lacey Winans: Last time I met a man in that uniform, nobody bothered to introduce us.
Moses: I was conceived in slavery... and born in the stink of death. Our tribes had multiplied, Ramses saw mutiny striding towards him, and subtracted the psace between birth and death. One swift harvest rid him of our last born sons... and his fear. And who was I after all this dark arithmetic, to be the remainder? A cuckoo, floating in Egypt's nest.
[remarking on a multi-millionaire's death]
Chopstick Joe: Harrison Koo - somehow you figure I guy like that, if he can't take it with him, he just wouldn't go.
Benny: Have you ever seen a pocket that deep?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Only on a Scotsman!
[Phillips slaps Longley on both cheeks]
Bill Longley: I follow the teachings of the man who said, "Love they neighbor". He's also the man who ran the moneychangers out of the temple with his own hands - and this seems like a good example.
[Bill slugs Phillips]
[speaking of her husband]
Julie Bofert: He prides himself on buying things cheap. I was the cheapest.
Child: Moses... a cloud of dust, but wide as the horizon... and chariots! The sun glinting on armour...
Moses: [looking into the storm] Meneptah is still Meneptah. Bring the people to the waterside.
Hotshot Charlie: Chops, I think you'd sell your own right arm to the highest bidder if you...
Chopstick Joe: Only for money, chum, only for money.
Dale Sweeney: Jess, Jess!
Jess: I know... I said I don't eat meat. I lied.
Dale Sweeney: Help me, help me!
Jess: If you don't mind, I think I'll just help myself. Mmm. I knew you were good enough to eat!
Tim Cook: There's two things I like - really like. One's kicking Micks and the other's thumping birds.
[Sheriff Crandall pistol-whipped Longley and then discovered he'd hit the wrong man]
Will Crandall: Drinks are on me - so's the apologizin'.
Bill Longley: This the way you welcome all your guests to Laramie?
Meneptah II: [crushing a roach] So, this is the measure of your God's mercy?
Moses: It is the measure of a Pharoah's soul. Let my people go.
Meneptah II: I would shake them like dust from my sandals, but I have come too far.
Moses: Once step further takes you into the dark.
[the plague of darkenss falls upon Egypt]
Moses: The edge of silence.
Meneptah II: Why is the sun god powerless? The darkness depresses... chokes me.
Moses: Terror is as old as the world Pharoah. But until now it fed on a different people. Gather your own life around you. Meneptah... you have a son.
Meneptah II: No! You will not touch him!
Moses: Your son, and the first born of all your people. The Lord God chooses life. Chose with him now. Let my people go.
Meneptah II: No. Let them stay and suffer.
Chee Lu: [to Chopstick Joe] You are a kind and generous man.
Terry Lee: Then how about a honeymoon flight for Chee Lu and Kim back to the province on Air Cathay.
Chopstick Joe: Nix! Air Cathay is for rent but not for free. They want to fly, they pay the same as everybody else. I'm just a poor, hard-working businessman with a...
Terry Lee, Chopstick Joe, Hotshot Charlie: ...shoestring airline.
Dale Sweeney: Oh God, Climsky?
Climsky: Don't mind me, Sweeney. I just stopped in for a scoop. I'm not really hungry. I'll just pick.
[talking about Hargreaves]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: The man doesn't swear, he doesn't drink - or when he does drink, it's cider... in halves.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: He's a cricketer.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Yeah, I was coming to that. And a pound to a penny, he's a God-botherer.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Well with his size, you see, his prayers don't have to go far!
[Longley and his prisoner are caught in a violent windstorm]
Bill Longley: Lots of sand working in under the blankets will rub a horse raw. We'll get in the lee of those rocks and stop.
Yancey Lewis: Don't hurry. You ain't goin' to make it to Prescott.
Bill Longley: We'll make it.
Yancey Lewis: Didn't say "we" - said "you". You ain't gonna make it, Longley.
Meneptah II: A petition from the Hebrew Slaves?
Aaron: From the God of the Hebrews.
Meneptah II: Original, though less than tactful.
Aaron: Our God says 'Let my people go into the deser to make a sacrifice and a feast for me.'
Meneptah II: Can't he do it here just as easily as in the desert?
Hotshot Charlie: Uh-oh. Gander at 9 o'clock. Aircraft.
Terry Lee: Ditto at 3 o'clock.
[the mysterious fighter planes close to attack Terry's aircraft]
Hotshot Charlie: And the dawn comes up like thunder...
Dale Sweeney: You sure you don't want a bite?
[offers his burger to Jess]
Jess: I don't eat meat.
Dale Sweeney: Oh god, you're not one of those, are you?
Jess: Not exactly...
[after being reprimanded by Haskins for failing to catch Cook and Ames at the caravan site]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Do I write my statement, then get drunk? Or get drunk and then write it?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Why not just get drunk.
Jessie Martin: I can't ever repay you.
Bill Longley: You just did. Goodbye.
[Regan has just heard that Hargreaves has beaten up Tug Wilson, and is giving him a bollocking for it]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: There's a routine. There's a reason. You *talk* - you don't kick their tripes in!
Det. Sgt. Robert Hargreaves: They'll laugh at you. It's the toecap they understand.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Oh, you're a right one, you are. You kick the daylights out of some cheapskate petty crook who wouldn't say "boo" to a goose. But when you're on a *real* job - when we *need* you to come out fighting - you lose your bottle!
Bill Longley: Why is Phillipsburg so tough on preachers?
Sheriff: I wouldn't know.
Bill Longley: Aren't you curious?
Sheriff: I'm a married man. That kind of curiosity is a luxury that only a single man should indulge in.
Bill Longley: Why didn't you face him?
Johnny Hinshaw: Oh, sure. I say, "Weeb, I want to marry your sister." And he says, "What have you got to offer?" And I say, "Three years in prison, a bad name and a couple of brothers on the run from the law."
Ramses: I was too merciful Meneptah. I allowed this Hebrew to betray my trust. Beware of such weaknesses when you rule.
Meneptah II: A Pharaoh must be just.
Ramses: To Egyptians. For Hebrews the penalty for disobedience, is death. I will make the Nile red with their blood!
Dale Sweeney: I need an assignment, Tillman.
Elaine: You must be joking. I'm gonna have to hire somebody to come in and clean up the mess you made just walking in here.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: 'Ere, George. This jacket. Does it fit?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: You got a new bird or something?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Is it all right?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Here and there, yeah. How much did you pay for that whistle?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Forty quid.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Forty quid? You know you could have got a new one for that, don't you? No seriously, guv. If you ever want to get rid of it, I'll buy it off you.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Really?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Yeah, really.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: My mum's dog needs something to sleep on, you see!
[Jack throws his sandwiches at George]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: You git!
Weeb Martin: He's dirt, just plain dirt! He ain't fit to walk on the street with you.
Jessie Martin: Who is?
Weeb Martin: I had a duty put on me. I-I tried to bring you up decent.
Jessie Martin: Decent? So that no man would look at me twice?
Terry Lee: Good morning, Chops. Me and Charles reporting.
Hotshot Charlie: Ready, willing and, if no planes are disabled, able.
[Carter is interviewing Eileen Shaw over a drink in the pub where she works. Her drink is a sickly yellow colour]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: What do you call that?
Eileen Shaw: It's a snowball.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Looks like you could do with some stewed rhubarb in it, or an apple crumble, or something.
Bill Longley: You know, I don't think you're much of a doctor - and no part of a man!
Jonah: In my distress, I called to the Lord.
God: And he heard your voice.
Jonah: When waves closed over me and I seemed to be at an end, I cried out.
God: And he answered you.
Jonah: As I sank into the ocean depths, I remembered the Lord.
God: And he saved your life.
Chopstick Joe: So sorry, little one. You can ride Air Cathay for yen, pesos, piastras or the American buck, but nothing on the cuff. No exceptions
Chee Lu: But I will pay you when I land - believe me!
Chopstick Joe: I believe you, little one, but ticket office is in Tanzan, not Tayling.
[talking about DS Hargreaves]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Tall for his height, isn't he?
Hotshot Charlie: What do you figure? I didn't see any cargo back there.
Terry Lee: Probably loaded in the tail. But 55 pounds of what?
Hotshot Charlie: Gold, diamonds, platinum, radium, penicillin, jade, narcotics... I got it!
Terry Lee: What?
Hotshot Charlie: Bubblegum.
David: [narrating] In life, in death, they were not divided. They were swifter than eagles, stronger than lions... how the mighty fall.
Dragon Lady: Lotteries, yes; many other things, yes. But this, Mr. Lee - that you would believe...
Terry Lee: But the way it looked, you can't blame me.
Dragon Lady: You wronged me, Terry Lee.
Terry Lee: Yeah, I guess I did.
Dragon Lady: I can vindicate myself in only two ways. The first is to kill you...
Terry Lee: I'll take the second.
Dragon Lady: Come here, then.
[they kiss passionately]
Gary: In spite of all her success, my mother was just a greedy, hateful, wretched, old, shriveled up bitch! I hope you're in hell, Mother, because that's what you made my life!
[Regan and Carter have just found DS Hargreaves sobbing in a phone box after he panicked and deserted his colleagues during a shoot-out with Cook and Ames]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: What happens to him now?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Chief Medical Officer. If he's lucky, he'll end up helping old ladies across the street.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: It's a hard world, Guv.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Yeah, but keep it to yourself, George. No-one else wants to know.
Gus Phelan: Come on, boys, this ain't no debatin' society!
Bill Longley: And it ain't no hangin' society.
Dr. Neal Carter: If I saved him, he tried to kill you just like his brother did.
Bill Longley: Sure... and I shot his brother. That's Texas - and that's the way things will be until law and order take over.
Saul: In the name of the Lord God, we fight the enemy today.
Jonathan: As you command father.
Saul: I have wronged you Jonathan, and I have wronged my son David.
Jonathan: I forgive you father.
Saul: Today will decide... Forward!
Terry Lee: The Dragon Lady!
Dragon Lady: Terry Lee fighting to see me. I have long waited for such fervor.
Hotshot Charlie: Hi, gorgeous. You turn up in the oddest places - or is it us?
Do I Need One?: Something happened. A while ago, I made someone unhappy.
Nick Marvin: A guy?
Do I Need One?: How'd you guess?
Nick Marvin: There's always a guy in these stories.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: The first hairy one I was on - you know, shooters etc - there was a real old sweat. "Weren't you nervous?" somebody asked him afterwards. "Nah!" he says. "Not even a little bit?" "Nah! Funny thing is, though, some bugger peed my pants."
Eric: Hey would you guys respect me if I got a job at the town dump?
Donna Pinciotti: Town dump no? State dump? why are you getting a job anyway?
Eric: Everything costs money, gas, clothes, fun
Michael Kelso: Dates, dates cost money
Fez: No Kelso that is prostitution
Steven Hyde: Dates are prostitution man , except you don't always get what you paid for
Donna Pinciotti: Says the man who's never had a girlfriend
Steven Hyde: Hey you guys remember Andra the biker chick?
Eric: Whatever happened to her?
Steven Hyde: [proud] She's dating my uncle
Ricky: Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?
Eric: I think it will be a wonderful experience.
Michael Kelso: My girlfriend's dad owns it.
Fez: I love the uniforms.
Steven Hyde: To unionize the workers, man.
Ricky: What do you consider to be your best quality?
Eric: I'm a real people person.
Steven Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Michael Kelso: My eyes. Oh and I guess my butt too.
Ricky: Name something about yourself that is a weakness.
Eric: I allow people to boss me around.
Fez: I love chocolate.
Steven Hyde: I'm brutally honest. Pinhead.
Michael Kelso: Um...
[falls backwards on chair]
Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains.
Michael Kelso: Rock star. No, movie star. No, yeah rock star.
Steven Hyde: Prison.
Fez: Guys, Nina agreed to let me meet her parents. And to seem completely normal, I've come up with the perfect opening line for Nina's mother: "Hello Mrs. Bartel, I can see where Nina gets her lovely ass."
[the Oriental points his gun at Terry's chest]
Terry Lee: Will you put that thing away? It might go off.
Chopstick Joe: Shall I tell him the facts of life about 5000 feet, Terry my boy?
Terry Lee: Gently, Charles. It's a nervous weapon.
Chopstick Joe: The threat's over, old man. If we act up and you shoot us down, who'll fly this crate? You're a dead pigeon, too.
Michael Kelso: I don't see why you can't serve us our food, Frank. We are paying customers, you know.
Frank: Hey, I didn't lose a leg in Vietnam so I can serve some hot dogs to teenagers.
Michael Kelso: You have both of your legs, Frank.
Frank: Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam!
Frank: Hey, you. Buy something or get out. I have a big wedding coming in.
Steven Hyde: Frank, you don't have a big wedding coming in.
Frank: Oh, did I say I have a big wedding? What I meant to say was, buy something, or get out!
[Buddy kisses Eric and freaks him out]
Eric Forman: [stammering] You're gay!
Buddy Morgan: Me? No, I'm not gay.
Eric Forman: You're not? But you just kissed me!
Buddy Morgan: OK, I'm gay.
Samuel: Today the Lord God has torn the kingdom of Israel from out of your hands. He will pass it to another man, a better man than you.
Saul: Another man?
Samuel: We shall not meet again. Not til your dying day.
Hyde: Forman's first suspension... I'm so proud.
Michael Kelso: Wow, back up. Why'd he get suspended?
Donna Pinciotti: Because he's stupid.
Michael Kelso: [terrified] They can do that?
Chopstick Joe: The Baron de Bolai is old-time intrigue pal of many years. He comes to me to hire airplane after you boys wing off with Little Mandarin. He has own pilot.
Hotshot Charlie: Holy cats! Don't you ever lose?
Chopstick Joe: Since I already have vested interest in venture, to wit one plane, two flyboys...
Hotshot Charlie: Ah, we're expendable.
Chopstick Joe: But not the plane.
Michael Kelso: I'm just saying... how can I tell you this without hurting your feelings?... Oh, I know! Jackie, I don't want your stupid things in my cool van.
[Jackie gasps and storms out]
Michael Kelso: Wait! I didn't say you were stupid, just everything you like!
Steven Hyde: This just in: Your weirdo boyfriend sleeps in the nude.
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah? So? I do too.
Michael Kelso: Oh yeah!
Fez: Oh, I can see it now. And it is glorious!
[looks around nervously]
Fez: Excuse me.
[he runs out]
Hyde: The blonde's blonde and hot.
Fez: Yes, and since I set us up on this date she is mine, right?
Hyde: Well, I can see why you'd think that. But, actually, since I came along to help you out, American custom dictates that I get the blonde.
Fez: Once again the local custom bones the foreign guy.
Donna Pinciotti: Hey, check it out. I've got an F on my report card.
Eric: An F? What did you fail?
Donna Pinciotti: English.
Eric: Isn't that... what we speak?
Darius of the Medes: I admire your people Daniel.
Daniel: Then why keep us all hostage Highness? Why keep us here?
Darius of the Medes: [laughs] Daniel! If I freed the Israelites, this whole empire would collapse. Let one tribe go free... and it's the end.
Daniel: And yet you allow us to worship the one true God, who will one day destroy all earthly empires.
Darius of the Medes: Worship what you want, I don't care. It's order I want.
Eric: [Eric is caught holding Donna's cigarette and Red is going to make him smoke a whole pack to punish him] Dad, I don't smoke! I give you my word!
Reginald "Red" Forman: Your word, huh?
Reginald "Red" Forman: What a load of crap! Light up!
Hyde: Hey, I got a B in Spanish... I didn't even know I was taking Spanish.
Eric: [Moments later] Donna! You're smoking a cigarette.
Hyde: Even worse, man. It's a menthol!
Kitty Forman: [Kitty is recording an audio tape for Eric in Africa] Eric! Steven just punched Michael!
Kitty Forman: And although I am upset with Steven for hitting Michael, it was *very* exciting!
Boy: I want you in my royal air force. You will be commanders.
Hotshot Charlie: Commanders? Not bad for two ex-GIs.
Terry Lee: How many in Chi Nan's air force?
Boy: Two - you and you.
Fez: [his host parents are playing a record backwards] In my language, the record just said, "I want to sex your monkey."
[they stare at him in horror]
Fez: [quickly] Which I have never done!
[Raph pushes Mikey down a hole]
Michelangelo: Not funny, Raph!
Raphael: Oh, yes it is.
Michael Kelso: Eric! 'The Omen' is playing at the drive-in! Do you know what this means for us? It's make-out city!
Eric Forman: I... I really like you as a friend, Kelso. But can I bring a girl?
Ford: The bank's just up ahead, I know it.
Cutter: Ain't here, mate.
Ford: Well I don't remember askin' you, assbag! Maybe you should pay more attention to the pecking order around here, huh?.
Belshazzar: [seeing the writing on the wall] Magus! Magus! Read it and you'll have riches beyond man's dreams! Gold, silver, frankincense armies of slaves, anything, yes?
Caldeum - Chief Magus: I... well... it looks like...
Belshazzar: You'll be my chief minister, viceroy...
Daniel: Would Your Majesty care to hear the interpretation?
Belshazzar: You can read it?... Everything I've offered!
Daniel: Keep your gifts! Reward someone else. Even your father, proud as he was came to understanding in the end, but not you.
Daniel: Mene, mene, The Lord God has numbered the days of your reign and brought it to an end. Tekel, you have been weighed in the balance and found wanting! Upharsin, your kingdom will has been divided amongst the Medes and Persians!
Caldeum - Chief Magus: How dare he! How dare this foreigner insult the King of Babylon in this way? This is our King! And who are you? An Israeliste, a hostage! Don't listen to him Your Majesty, this is nonsense!
Guard: Your Majesty! Your Majesty, look!
[hundreds of troops are outside]
Guard: Your Majesty! Your Majesty, the Medes are inside the city walls! What should we do? Your Majesty?
Belshazzar: My sword. My shield. We will fight.
Reginald "Red" Forman: Eric is that Kid from not America down here?
Eric Forman: Dad it's Fez!
Reginald "Red" Forman: Yeah whatever! The Erdmans called and they they want him to Go Home! Kelso stop saying Porno!
Michael Kelso: I didn't say it Mr. Foreman. Fez did!
Fez: [to Kelso] You are a bitch!
Michael Kelso: Hey guys, check out this article in "Boy's Life."
Eric: "The Square Knot Not Just For Squares"?
Michael Kelso: No the one about being an astronaut. I think I'm gonna do that.
Jackie Burkhardt: Michael, I think in order for them to let you be an astronaut, you have to be not dumb.
Michael Kelso: No, 'cause if they can send a monkey into space, they can send me.
Steven Hyde: I don't know. Monkeys are pretty smart.
Michael Kelso: All right, fine, make fun of me. But when you see my shoe prints on the moon, what are you gonna say then?
Eric: Probably "Hey some monkey is wearing Kelso's shoes!"
Cynthia: You're trying to kill me!
Jack: Here we go again! Another bitch fit!
Cynthia: Look at this shit! Rutabaga, bok choy, daikon, tofu, celery juice! Celery juice? This isn't food! It's leftovers from the compost heap!
Jeri: [to Fez, who wants the shampoo boy job] You're a little creepy. But you're cute, so I'll try you out on one of our regular customers.
Donna Pinciotti: Yes! That's great, Fez. I have complete faith in you.
Jeri: You're gonna wash Donna's hair.
Donna Pinciotti: Ooh, you know, I'm kind of exclusive with Paulette.
Jeri: I can't just test him on anyone. He seems kind of pervy.
Fez: She gets me.
[Kelso comes running into the basement]
Michael Kelso: Hey guys, guess what I got!
Steven Hyde: V.D.?
Michael Kelso: No. A 100 bucks!
Eric: Money to treat your V.D.?
Leo: You know why they call it beer?
Eric: No, why?
Leo: I'm just curious, man.
King Nebuchadnezzer II: [to the young trainee magi] I really can't see the point in training you any more.
Caldeum - Chief Magus: But your Majesty surely...
King Nebuchadnezzer II: You are now full King's Magi, get them their proper robes Ashpenaz. They'll be teaching you soon Lord Magus.
Caldeum - Chief Magus: [to the magi] Don't think you can get the better of me.
Armed Robber #1: Drop it, bitch!
Cammy: Who the *hell* do you think you're talking to?
Armed Robber #1: Drop it, or he's dead!
Cammy: In your dreams! I'm gonna wear your ears on a fackin' necklace, kato!
Armed Robber #1: Don't call me kato, bitch!
Cammy: Then don't call me bitch, kato!
[Red forgot to put a tape in the video recorder, it's still on the table]
Kitty Forman: This tape? How do they get the movie on to the tape when it's way the heck over here, Red?
Cynthia: You miserable bastard! I hope it hurts worse than it looks! You want to know the first thing I'm going to do? I'm going to find myself a real man, a young one, with balls... and money!
Donna Pinciotti: Well, last time I was here, they were looking for help. And they have no idea how weird you are.
Fez: That IS an advantage.
[to the Mounties]
Steven Hyde: You got us. We're here to take over your country.