Author Unknown quotes, page 1
Tug Swann: You look to me like a man that's got wife trouble.
Julian Dowd: You might call it that. You could also call it, "Tall and handsome and from south of the Red River".
Doc Morton: Jim Sammett doesn't want me to help the girl.
Bill Longley: What do you want - or do you do everything Jim Sammett tells you to do?
Doc Morton: He gives the orders in this town.
Bill Longley: You're a doctor!
Doc Morton: I'm also a human being.
Bill Longley: You could be both. Right now, you're not much of either.
Terry Lee: Well, another day, another dollar.
Hotshot Charlie: If we're lucky. We work for Chopstick Joe, sweatshop in the sky.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: I'll never make chief inspector... but I'm still a bloody good DI.
Ann Dowd: I knew Bill Longley when I was a child on my uncle's ranch in Texas.
Julian Dowd: Texas... Now you go for outdoor boys.
Ann Dowd: I don't go for boys - I go for men!
Julian Dowd: Message received. *Thanks!*
Big Jim Sammett: He'd be alive today if she hadn't taken him away.
Bill Longley: Seems to me if there's blood on anyone's hands, you're the one who oughta be washin'.
Chopstick Joe: Supposing Terry gets curious. Who shall I say wants to know?
Burma: Tell him one of Jimmy's relatives wants to know if he should come down to the airport to meet him.
Chopstick Joe: Something cooking old Chops should know about?
Burma: I'm just renting one sterling quality, not buying it.
Bill Longley: Do you know what a marshal is, Kate? It's the whole town standing in one pair of boots.
Bill Longley: If you don't mind, Mr. Dowd, I'd like to talk a little more privately.
Julian Dowd: Speak right up.
Tug Swann: Sure! You're among friends.
Bill Longley: I doubt that.
Terry Lee: Don't you guys think of anything but girls?
Jimmy Wong: [to Hotshot] Get him.
Hotshot Charlie: What else is there?
[looking at Wands' body]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: This guy Wands was always gonna take a piece of the world with him.
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: Well he certainly took out more than he left in.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: He was handed it on a plate. *We* gave him his inch... and he took his mile.
[Julian dumps a pile of luggage on the hotel lobby floor]
Julian Dowd: This far west and you insist on bringing hats.
Ann Dowd: This far west and you insist on bringing me!
Matt Ainsley: Be my pleasure to put the girl up.
Big Jim Sammett: Matt, I'm warnin' you...
Matt Ainsley: Why? Ain't nothin' you can take from me. You got it all, Jim.
Jeff Karger: Maybe you need another lesson.
[Bill slams Jeff into the bar]
Bill Longley: Maybe you're the wrong teacher.
Chopstick Joe: [answering phone] Air Cathay - who wants to fly where? What? You say a woman is having a baby and wants it born in Hong Kong? Sure thing - I got pilots who can outfly any stork. One moment... Flyboys! I have an assignment for you!
[Terry and Hotshot wave goodbye to Chopstick from outside his office and then hastily depart]
Chopstick Joe: You better call a taxi, Mister.
[Haskins arrives on the scene. Wands is dead and Monks is cradling him in his arms]
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: How did it happen?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: It happened the minute you gave in to them. If you'd have ordered us to fire when you had the chance, Dowland would still be alive, that girl's face wouldn't be scarred for life, a policeman wouldn't have been smashed up - and more important, the chances of a villain ever taking hostages again would be a lot less than their gonna be now.
Buck: [indicating Bill] Tug, look at that black hat down there. Don't that fella mean anything to you?
Tug Swann: No, that black hat don't mean anything, but I'll tell ya something; I'm goin' to get me the Texan that's under it.
Rush: You better quit while you're ahead, Tug. Seems like you're still carryin' that lead metal he gave you in Laredo.
Chopstick Joe: There you are flyboys - paid in full.
Terry Lee: I read in the paper where Harrison Koo's body was finally interred in the ancestral plot. Just thought you'd be interested.
Chopstick Joe: Very complicated plot I should say, but Air Cathay always delivers - coffins or coconuts, eh, boys?
Hotshot Charlie: The only other coffin we want to fly is yours.
Pimp: How 'bout you, sweet thing, hm? Pretty girl like you... could use a manager, you hear where I'm at?
Sylvia Vane: Yeah, well don't do me no favors, honey...
Pimp: Yeah, uh,
Pimp: just talkin' business, sweet thing.
Sylvia Vane: I'm gonna say this once, you touch me again and I'll shoot your dick off!
Pimp: Well you listen up, little girl! This is grown-up time out here, you wanna have an attitude, you might need some protection, yeah... pretty girl like you, could get ugly *real fast* with an attitude. You hear where I'm at, *sweet thing*?
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: I had an electronic surveillance device on test. It's disappeared. Matthews said you took it.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Yeah, that's right, guv. I locked it on the bottom of Moose's Range Rover.
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: Oh, all right. Where's the Range Rover now?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Well that's the point. It's disappeared. Right here.
[Regan points at a spot on a map]
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: With my ESD?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: That's right, guv.
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: You lost my ESD? Have you any idea how much those things cost?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Wait a minute. I haven't lost it, guv'nor. It lost itself. After all, it's supposed to be unlosable. That's the whole point of the machine, isn't it? Gives off these little bleeps so you can tell where it's going.
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: It cost a fortune.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Look, we were asked to evaluate it. Well, I just evaluated it. In fact, I can give you my considered verdict: it's useless. We've lost the Moose, and the dog, and the machine.
Jenny Brewster - the Duchess of Denver: Bill, can you ever forgive me?
Bill Longley: A gentleman can forgive a lady anything. Goodbye, Jenny.
Dragon Lady: My stalwarts, no one will believe you, so I trust you will be as discrete as you are valorous.
[Regan finds out that Bishop's dog is gone]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Are you telling me it clipped its way through a barbed-wire fence? It's a bleedin' dog, Thorpe! Next, you'll be saying it was all blacked up with a beret on its head.
[Marshal Pennock enters Kate's restaurant]
Kate Mulvaney: Speak of the devil - and that's an insult to Satan.
Colonel Garson: Do you think you can insult a lady in front of a gentleman and crawl away without having to account for it.
Bill Longley: A lady? A gentleman? You must be mistaken, Colonel. Ladies and gentlemen don't hire gunmen to steal wages from men who worked and sweated and risked their lives for them.
Colonel Garson: What are you talking about?
Bill Longley: You know what I'm talking about. You sent the gunmen.
Andy: If you want to substitute your horse for Dobie's, it's all right with us.
Mar Anderson: Any horse, any rider.
Charlie Norton: It was the night I got out. I came home...
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Is that your opening part? "It was the night I got out"?
Charlie Norton: Isn't that what I said?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Yeah, but come on, Charlie. You can do better than that.
DS Matt Mathews: Where were you the night you came out?
Charlie Norton: I was on the town, wasn't I? Celebrating. And I came home and there she was in bed, lying there with nothing on but a mink coat. "God," I said, "where did you get that?"
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: All right, Charlie, skip that bit. Tell us what happened on the night of the killing.
Charlie Norton: I'm leading up to it!
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Yeah, like a 19th-century novellist, three hundred boring pages.
Colonel Garson: I was right, wasn't I. Everything we had together was just a substitute for what you really wanted - your romantic memories of Longley. Well, memories can be erased!
Jenny Brewster - the Duchess of Denver: What are you going to do?
Colonel Garson: Call him out.
Jenny Brewster - the Duchess of Denver: If you do, he'll kill you.
Colonel Garson: At the count of ten, maybe... what about the count of nine?
Hotshot Charlie: You're on the spot, D.L.
Dragon Lady: Then it behooves me to move off the spot - and put someone else on it.
Pawnbroker: That's the way she used to look... she used to be so beautiful... now I need other women's beauty just to keep her that way... small price to pay, I think...
Sylvia Vane: Look, I don't know what kinda crazy voodoo shit you're into, and I don't really care! But, but, but, we had a deal, man! Look!
[tips her bag of valuables onto a table]
Sylvia Vane: All that's worth more than a hundred thousand dollars! Now I want it back! Give it back to me! I want my beauty back!
[Moose receives instructions on stealing Bishop's dog]
Moose: How will I know which is Archimedes?
Morgan: By the spikes on his collar.
Moose: And how will I calm him down and stop him from barking?
Morgan: Give him this sweater. It's one of his master's. He loves it.
Moose: That'll do the trick?
Morgan: Should do. Take these.
Moose: What are they?
Moose: For me?
Morgan: No! For the dog.
Jim Caldwell: [to Sheriff Brown] This is my play. Romer deserves to die - you don't, so stay out!
Bill Longley: Caldwell, the marshal's not exactly goin' it alone. He's got a piece of metal backin' him up... No, it's not gun metal; it's a lot more powerful than a gun. I'm talkin' about that badge he's wearin'.
Sheriff Brown: I'm not naturally nosy. You see, eleven months out of the year, this is a nice quiet place to live. Then longhorns come in for market and shipment and this town becomes a mess of sharp strangers, fast money and faster guns. That's when my nose picks up and asks questions.
Jenny Brewster - the Duchess of Denver: And what about your dreams?
Bill Longley: I haven't any.
Jenny Brewster - the Duchess of Denver: Your plans then.
Bill Longley: I haven't any of those, either.
Bill Longley: Looks like a Kentucky-bred animal.
Mar Anderson: Now there's a man who knows good horseflesh when he sees it. That's right, stranger, Diablo's fresh out of bluegrass country.
Dobie: Well now, it ain't so much where he's from that counts, it's were he can go!
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Tell me. I don't suppose you go out with married men.
Secretary: Only for money.
Winthrop Davis: I won't try to thank you. I speak four languages and there's no way of saying what... what I feel in any of them. Goodbye. Come back again.
Bill Longley: I will.
Dragon Lady: So where is the body?
Hotshot Charlie: You tell us.
Terry Lee: You don't think that we... Oh, hold on, D.L. We get mixed up in a lot of crazy things but body snatching is a little out of our line.
Hotshot Charlie: Unless it's five foot four, eyes of blue - and alive.
Raven: Shit... real smooth! You keep that shit up and you ain't gonna last another night out here!
Sylvia Vane: Yeah? Well what makes you think I wanna last another night out here?
Raven: Look, girlfriend, what else you think you got the right to be, huh?
Sylvia Vane: Hmmm...
[Sylvia points across the street, where Ronnie is seen exiting his limo and entering his apartment with a woman]
Raven: Oh, well, well, well, well, well! If it isn't Mr. GQ! I tell ya, for the rich, every night's a party night!
[Sylvia continues to stare and smirk]
Raven: Dream on, honey! 'Cos ain't nobody invited you!
Sylvia Vane: What's she got that I ain't got?
Sylvia Vane: Not for long, she don't...
Raven: Oh, right and I'm from Missouri, honey, show me, hmmm?
Sylvia Vane: You check this shit out!
Gerald Bishop: If I come back, certain irresponsible men will want to put me in jail.
Stanley Hedges: Such as who?
Gerald Bishop: Inspector Regan, for one.
Stanley Hedges: Oh no. There's nothing he can hit you with.
Gerald Bishop: Don't underestimate Regan. He can manufacture a case - he's done it before. He's so bent he cannot be straightened.
Sheriff Brown: Known Caldwell long?
Bill Longley: Long enough.
Sheriff Brown: He's a cattle buyer?
Bill Longley: He was.
Sheriff Brown: What's he now?
Bill Longley: A has-been that's tryin' to find out where he's goin'.
Bill Longley: I had a lot of respect for Marshal Jim Caldwell, one of the best in the business.
Jim Caldwell: I'm not in that business anymore.
Bill Longley: Yeah? Since when?
Jim Caldwell: Since the days when they gave me this.
[shows Longley a gold badge]
Jim Caldwell: Twenty years a lawman and I wound up with a medal, a few handshakes and a bunch of memories.
Maitre d': It is you, monsieur. Who would have known. Magnifique!
Bill Longley: Remember, you said clothes don't make the man.
Maitre d': It's not only the suit, it is the elan with which you wear it.
Hotshot Charlie: Curiousity killed the cat.
Dragon Lady: And you both are exceedingly curious.
Terry Lee: Yeah, well, if we got go, there's one burning question...
Dragon Lady: Your American humor escapes me.
Hotshot Charlie: Note the coffin, note the contents. Sandbags!
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Did anyone recall Thorpe?
DS Matt Mathews: From the dogs' home, you mean?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Yeah, you did put Thorpe onto the kennels, didn't you?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Yeah, but you haven't told me to take him off.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Yeah I know I didn't tell you to, but I can't think of everything, can I?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Sorry, Guv. I just got so carried away with this caper.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Well what were your last instructions to him?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Wait there till he was relieved.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: How long ago was that?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: [sheepishly] Three days.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: There are some times, George, when I believe you're incapable of looking after a potted plant, let alone personnel.
Jenny Brewster - the Duchess of Denver: Careful, Colonel. It used to be said Captain Longley was a very dangerous man to provoke.
Bill Longley: Some people don't stop until they find out.
Winthrop Davis: You're trespassing.
Coy Benner: On my own property?
Bill Longley: It isn't your property. That sale was illegal.
Coy Benner: Go ask the bank. It's all bought and paid. You're the one that's gonna leave. I'm going to count to three. One... two...
[Benner shoots Davis]
Winthrop Davis: He didn't count to three...
Hotshot Charlie: [to himself] Hurry up, Terry. It's not that I'm scared, it's just that fright runs in my family. What a lovely spot for romance and adventure... what a night to run in dark alleys.
Crypt Keeper: Mmm... pretty tasteless, wouldn't you say? I guess in the end Mr. Sweeney learned not to go *digging* in other people's business. Although you'll be happy to hear that he's found himself a new career... as a ghostwriter!
Crypt Keeper: So, still hungry for dessert? I hope you like cannibal soup... it's mmm-mmm good!
Det. Sgt. George Carter: We live in a world of supply and demand - and you are in demand.
Moose: Like a toilet roll.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: If you say so, Moose
Samuel Dickens: Well, a momentous day. The first herd into Denver. Do you kow what that really means, Mr. Longley?
Bill Longley: I think so - at least what it means to us.
Samuel Dickens: What's that?
Bill Longley: A hundred days on the trail from the Panhandle to Denver. I had to find feed and water each day, ford the Arkansas and the Big Sandy in flood, head off stampedes... Some of the trails went up to 4000 - straight down. Rough all the way, Mr. Dickens.
Winthrop Davis: Does that sound odd - to fight against war?
Bill Longley: I've heard of preachers speak of the armies of peace. You've made a start here. You could win.
Chopstick Joe: One more chance - a chance to get even.
Yat Chang Hoy: Chopstick, you are a fool and a son of a fool! You can trace your ancestry of fools into the shadow of time. Am I to risk your worthless pledges against your worthless words?
Chopstick Joe: Yat Chang Hoy, you are an unwashed hill bandit and you are the son of an even dirtier hill bandit, and have inherited from his ancestors that madness which comes when water first touched them.
Dragon Lady: Have done with the compliments, gentlemen.
Dragon Lady: You had better go now, Mr. Lee. You will learn nothing here!
Terry Lee: But you're the girl who can teach me. See you around, D.L.
Sheriff Bob Gleason: You cut off here, you can hit the Cheyenne Trail.
Bill Longley: Thanks, Oh, Sheriff... ah, I'm sorry we had to meet like this.
Sheriff Bob Gleason: Longley, we have a saying down this way... It doesn't matter how bogged down the trail gets as long as man finds his way home.
Bill Longley: Thanks.
[counting the number of cattle Bill has delivered to the stockyard]
Samuel Dickens: Four-legged ornery-looking twenty-dollar gold pieces, eh? Well, let's see... I make it 1234 by my tally. Does that check?
Bill Longley: 1236.
Samuel Dickens: No, 1234.
Bill Longley: Well, you want to run 'em through again?
Samuel Dickens: ...1236.
Winthrop Davis: [pointing to his new sheriff's badge] This isn't just a piece of metal. It's a symbol of authority; of public confidence. What confidence can they have in me.
Bill Longley: That might depend on how much confidence you have in yourself.
Terry Lee: Hotshot, old boy...
Hotshot Charlie: Terry, my lad...
Terry Lee: Dragon Lady.
Hotshot Charlie: Lu San.
Terry Lee: I'll take the high road.
Hotshot Charlie: And I'll take the low.
Chopstick Joe: And I'll take aspirin.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: I knew a feller, once. He was so mean, when he caught crabs he wouldn't kill 'em - he thought they were money spiders.
Cletus: Now, that's the contract. Here's the payment. Sorta non-negotiable.
Lionel Whitney: Non-negotiable? Non-negotiable? All business is based on the premise of negotiation. We have our side and you have yours. What exactly does that mean, non-negotiable?
Cletus: Well, it means if you don't go along, we're going to bury you right here in the alley and mark the spot with a white rock. Then we're gonna kill the girl so that she doesn't go out and hire another guy to check her cover. You boys best take the money and get on outta here.
E.L. 'Tenspeed' Turner: We'll take the money.
[the shot fired at Reverend Kilgore strikes the Bible in his vest pocket]
Reverend Kilgore: The bullet went all the way from Genesis to Proverbs... Chapter 29, the second verse.
Bill Longley: All I can say is the Lord provided a special shield for you, Reverend.
[reading the Bible passage under the bullet]
Reverend Kilgore: "When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice."
Terry Lee: The note - that perfume...
Hotshot Charlie: What about it?
Terry Lee: There's only one person with perfume like that in the Orient.
Hotshot Charlie: The Dragon Lady!
Chopstick Joe: Oh, no. She wouldn't double-cross an old pal like Chopstick Joe.
Hotshot Charlie: Aw, she'd dice you up for a dime, fat boy.
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: You were involved in a robbery.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: How else am I expected to get close? Put a small ad in Villains News?
Bill Longley: To bad we don't have a headstone, Hank. We could write an epitaph - "Here lies Luke Watson, shot in the back by his own brother".
Bill Longley: If I had to guess, I'd say you were from the East.
Winthrop Davis: Winthrop Davis, Esq. from Boston... late member of the faculty of Harvard College. Professor of Legal Jurisprudence with a thirst for knowledge... and a taste for whiskey.
Dragon Lady: Well, that should be interesting.
Lu San: And profitable.
Dragon Lady: If all goes well.
Lu San: That is why I have come to the Dragon Lady.
Dragon Lady: Then you have come to the right place.
Sheriff Ben Carter: If it's the last thing we'll do, we'll get action!
Bill Longley: You don't get action, Ben... you take action!
Waiter: Would you like your breakfast or are you waiting for someone?
Julie Bofert: I'm waiting for someone.
Waiter: Is he going to be long?
Julie Bofert: Three to five years.
Bill Longley: He'll be worth it.
Bill Longley: Well, what are you waiting for? Bring us some coffee.
Winthrop Davis: You said, "A drink".
Bill Longley: Coffee's a drink.
Winthrop Davis: Yes. The definition is legal and admissible. Too bad.
Dragon Lady: Do I understand you wish to kidnap a corpse and hold it for ransom?
Lu San: Yes, there is no family. Harrison Koo's estate will spare no expense to recover the body should it disappear before it comes to rest with his ancestors.
Dragon Lady: You are taking a chance. If you have been his trusted retainer for so many years, will you not be remembered in his will?
Lu San: Possibly, but Harrison Koo was not a sentimentalist and I should like something more than a token remembrance for the time I have devoted to him.
Dale Sweeney: Wait a minute, wait a minute, why me?
Robert: 'Cos you look hungrier than I do.
[Hotshort removes the Dragon Lady's gag and kisses her passionately, then regags her]
Hotshot Charlie: Egad, what a cad!
Winthrop Davis: [to Longley] It's unique, even for American politics. I'm afraid it's the least of our innovations.
Coy Benner: [to his henchmen] Shut him off.
Winthrop Davis: Some of our local customs are unorthodox. Frankly, it would take several hours to describe all our political heresies.
[reading Koo's obituary]
Terry Lee: Harrison Koo - King Midas himself!
Hotshot Charlie: So the old boy's finally grounded. Wonder what he looks like.
Chopstick Joe: A stiff countenance no doubt.
Terry Lee, Hotshot Charlie: Oh, no!
[the Sweeney are about to break into a shop to end a siege. They come to a locked garden gate]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: [humourously] It's all right, Guv, I've got the key.
[he delivers a hefty kick to the gate and it opens]
Bill Longley: You saw what happened in the Oriental Palace last night, yet you didn't do anything about it. Why?
Judge Hawks: I'm the judge here, not the sheriff. I don't go to work till after there's been a shootin'.
Bill Longley: Ohh. Well, who's the sheriff?
Judge Hawks: At the moment the position is vacant.
Bill Longley: Suppose he didn't steal the money. Suppose he just borrowed it. Suppose he was going to pay it back.
Will Crandall: Well, a man who borrows money - he's got to expect to pay some interest.
Bill Longley: How much?
Will Crandall: Three to five years.
Bill Longley: How much are the drinks?
Bartender: Two bits.
Bill Longley: You're a dollar short.
Bartender: I held it out for the box.
[indicated a contribution box for the sheriff's campaign contributions]