[last lines]

Wraith Scientist: I see you have awakened.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Really? I was sort of hoping this was just a nightmare.

Ronon Dex: Why aren't we dead?

Wraith Scientist: The Queen wants you to live long enough to witness the fruits of your labour. If it wasn't for you, Doctor McKay, we would never have been able to get there.

Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you talking about? Get where?

Wraith Scientist: Earth.

K'tano: I honor he who would kill his god. And to his brethren of the Tau'ri, slayers of Ra, Hathor, Setesh, Heru-ur, Sokar, Cronus and Apophis.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Well... somebody's been keepin' score!

Chris 'Ace' Bane: I take it personally every time a Maggie Ames gets chopped down. Mike, how much good is there left in this world? And how many people are there trying to help what little there is left? You pull Maggie's columns, any one of them, see how she looked at life, at people. Everything she wrote had a smile. Blue skies and whitecaps. Summer storms and rainbows. Snowflakes and holly. The man who killed her scrubbed all that.

Dr. Svetlana Markov: The gauge must be malfunctioning.

Daniel: But it's Swiss.

[Daniel recognizes a series of markings to be part of the Asgard language]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is Thor's race.

Ernest Littlefield: Thor was an alien?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, yeah. That's, ah - that's another long story. But a good one.

Jack O'Neill: What kind of archaeologist carries a weapon?

Daniel Jackson: [raising his hand] Uh, I do.

Jack O'Neill: Bad example.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [two rebel Jaffa are battling] Hey! The hell you doin'?

Rebel Jaffa: We are training.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Where I come from that's called beatin' the crap out of each other.

Teal'c: If the coordinates are for a Goa'uld world which is not on the Abydos cartouche, the Goa'uld will most likely not expect us. I believe a medical attack could be successful.

Jack O'Neill: Surgical attack, Teal'c. It's called a surgical attack.

Samantha Carter: I surrender! I have information that can help Apophis! There is technology he will want to know about! This is a remote control to an interdimensional portal. I can tell Apophis how to find it!

Jaffa: Hashak Kreyak!

Samantha Carter: [pulling out a grenade] Thank you. Oh yeah. I also wish to blow us all to hell.

Soldier: I hear you like a game of cards?

Devil: [the devils cackle with laughter] I love a game of cards.

Soldier: Well, what shall we play for?

Devil: His soul...

Devil: His whislte!

Devil: His teeth. I collect teeth.

Thor: This is your prison. Your technology will not function here. There are no luxuries, no worshipers, no slaves to do your bidding.

Jack O'Neill: Teal'c, I think we just got the answering machine.

Thor: Only basic sustenance, and time.

Jack O'Neill: Yeah, well, great. Thanks - thanks for the chat.

Daniel Jackson: Anyway, I'm sorry, but that just happens to be how *I* feel about it. What do you think?

K'tano: I see you are a man who speaks his mind, O'Neill

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes, which is why I don't say much...

Sgt. Walter Harriman: General O'Neill, Mark Gilmour. He's your new administrative aid.

Mark Gilmour: General.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Did I order one of these...

Sgt. Walter Harriman: [speaking over him] No, sir.

Brigadier General Jack O'Neill: Do I really need...

Sgt. Walter Harriman: [speaking over him] Yes, sir.

Jack O'Neill: Uh, excuse me, George.

[hands the General some papers]

Major General George Hammond: Colonel, what are you doing out of uniform?

Jack O'Neill: Handing you my resignation.

Major Samantha Carter: You're resigning? What for?

Jack O'Neill: So I can do this.

[kisses Carter and the loop resets]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: This

[holds up Goa'uld staff]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: is a weapon of terror. It's made to intimidate the enemy. This

[holds up P90 machine gun]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: is a weapon of war. It's made to kill your enemy.

Devil: That's a nice whistle. I want to have it.

Jack O'Neill: I distinctly remember sitting here, listening to Carter prattle on about solar activity and a... corona... something.

Major Samantha Carter: Coronal mass emissions - I was just about to bring it up.

Jack O'Neill: There you go, how would I know that?

Major Samantha Carter: Maybe you read my report.

Daniel Jackson: Maybe he *read* your report?

Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson; they will in fact calm up.

Madison: Are you smiling?

Josie Trent: No, I was suppressing a laugh.

Soldier: Well my friends, I suppose we'd better call it a day.

Devil: No we will not! We will call it a breakfast, and you the meal!

Richie: Still working on your Backstreet Boys shrine?

Frieda: We're busy Richie.

Richie: That's too bad because I know something about a certain boy group that you might want to hear about but I ain't talking.

Daisy: What could you possibly know about the Backstreet Boys that we don't?

Richie: Two words... LO-CATION.

Frieda: What do you mean?

Richie: Ah I will say no more. Once a secret gets into the ole Foley vault it stays locked.

Daisy: Well, then...

Frieda: Who's up for a cheeseburger

[Richie looks disgusted]

Det. Dave Starsky: [Upon discovering a dead body in a shower stall] Tell me he slipped on a bar of soap.

Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson: He slipped on a bar of soap.

Det. Dave Starsky: I don't believe it.

Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson: Neither do I.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Is that doughnuts?

Teal'c: Indeed.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [impersonating Mr. Burns] Ex-cellent!

Jack O'Neill: Ol' Doc Fraiser says you haven't been eating.

Captain Kyle Rogers: It's poison.

Jack O'Neill: It's hospital food. Of course it is.

Jack O'Neill: How's it goin'?

Sam Carter: Never seen this kind of technology before.

Jack O'Neill: Hey, you're supposed to be a genius. That's why I brought you along.

Sam Carter: I'm working on it. I think the power relay was overloaded. I may be able to reroute the circuit to the control interface...

[pauses and sees Jack staring at her]

Sam Carter: What?

Jack O'Neill: It's just a little weird hearing that kind of stuff come out of someone so...

Sam Carter: [apparently taking offence at what she thinks Jack is about to say] So what?

Jack O'Neill: Hot.

Sam Carter: [chokes, then stutters] Really?

Jack O'Neill: Yeah.

Sam Carter: [pauses] Wow. Um... it's just... you-you're not the kind of guy that I usually attract.

Jack O'Neill: No?

Sam Carter: No.

[sputters]

Sam Carter: Heh, God. Wow. This is kinda awkward.

Jack O'Neill: Yeah, it's gettin' there.

Sam Carter: I'm kinda... attracted to-to Daniel.

Jack O'Neill: [long pause] What?

[Sam shrugs, he pauses again; then incredulously]

Jack O'Neill: Really?

Sam Carter: Sorry.

Jack O'Neill: No, that's okay, no problem there, I just, you know... first impressions, I thought he was...

[he pauses, Sam looks confused, he does hand motion for "gay," but sees Sam doesn't understand]

Jack O'Neill: Nevermind.

Static: Well, I've gotta jet. Do yo mind? It's for a friend.

A.J.: What's her name?

Static: Just make it out to V.

Static: Thanks.

A.J.: Anytime.

Huggy Bear: Welcome to Rodent Downs, gentlemen. Just a friendly game of chance amongst friends.

Det. Dave Starsky: Mouse racing?

Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson: I don't believe it.

Huggy Bear: Well, you ever try to get ten horses in a basement?

Shen Xiaoyi: [In Mandarin] How's your Mandarin?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [In Mandarin] Not as good as your English.

Shen Xiaoyi: [In Mandarin] It shows.

[Indicating Mitchell]

Shen Xiaoyi: You're bringing him along?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [In Mandarin] We have to babysit him.

[Shen lauughs]

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, that's very funny.

[In Mandarin]

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Screw you!

[Shen and Jackson do a double take]

Major Samantha Carter: Question is, will they listen?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Well, the real question is, will they have ears?

[in an alternate timeline, Carter is practicing a speech]

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Dr. Carter] Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't- God that's horrible! Who would ever say that?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Wanna glass? I can wash one.

Static: So you guys on tour or something?

A.J.: No. I'm working with this songwriter Adam Evans. Have you heard of him?

Static: Yeah. When he's not writing songs he's my sidekick Rubberband Man.

A.J.: So that explains the purple underpants.

Static: So why are you working with him?

A.J.: Adam's beats are on the one and he's great to work with.

Static: I might argue with you about the work part but I've gotta admit... I like Adam's music.

Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson: [Explaining pro wrestling to Starsky] Now, see, what happens is you get some Idaho potato picker in here, you give him a funny name and a fancy pair of tights and a bottle of ketchup.

[Fifth is torturing Sam]

Major Samantha Carter: Part of being human is having compassion, learning to forgive.

Fifth: Yes. I'm not there yet.

Major Samantha Carter: And then it will overwhelm his nervous system, and the colonel will...

Colonel Jack O'Neill: What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushin' up daisies here and there?

Samantha Carter: Colonel...?

Jack O'Neill: It's my sidearm, I swear.

Frieda: Shh! He's on TV.

Daisy: Turn it up.

A.J.: Yeah I was working with this Adam dude but I just wasn't feeling it. Okay so Adam's tunes were tight but they were synthetic. Me? I'm all about the real. You know what I'm saying?

Virgil: Yeah right!

Frieda: I don't care what you say Virgil. A.J.'s not like that.

Virgil: Look I know that you and Daisy have mad cap love for the guy but he is just fickled and two-faced.

Daisy: Just because we all like Adam's sound doesn't mean A.J. has to.

Richie: She's got a point V.

Virgil: Way to be on my side bro.

Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson: I didn't know Little Orphan Annie was still around.

Det. Dave Starsky: Yeah. She's developin'.

Jack O'Neill: Come to retrieve your vastly superior stuff? You know it'd be a lot more superior if it wasn't so easy to steal.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [about which System Lords are coming] And the last one is Lord Yu.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Yu?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Eh, don't. Every joke, every pun, done to death, seriously.

Colonel Alexi Vaselov: How is he? Dr Jackson. Dr Brightman told me what happened.

Teal'c: His condition is improving.

Colonel Alexi Vaselov: Good.

Teal'c: And your condition?

Colonel Alexi Vaselov: Not so good. But not so bad as the time I went drinking with General Dashkevich in Novgorod. That was worse headache.

Olivia: [Pinching Starsky's cheek] Anyone ever tell you you're as cute as a teddy bear?

Det. Dave Starsky: [to Hutch] I can't help it.

Richard Woolsey: Just to clarify. I'm going to be disassembled at the molecular level, then reassembled on the other side.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: That's right.

Richard Woolsey: And the chances of my being reassembled incorrectly.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Highly unlikely.

Richard Woolsey: But not impossible.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: That's a word I stopped using nine years ago when I joined the Stargate Program.

Commander Rigar: Let us talk about your friend in the woods.

Jack O'Neill: I have no friends... in the woods or otherwise.

Teal'c: Daniel Jackson's preliminary electroencephalogram proved anomalous.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: I dare you to say that again.

Master Bra'tac: [the practice wedding has just gone sour] I can see why one must rehearse these events.

Adam: Thanks for your help

A.J.: Anytime. I hope it all works out for you.

Replikon: Not if I can help it.

Detective Joan Meredith: Look, Starsky, I remind you, I did not ask for this assignment.

Det. Dave Starsky: I guess I'm just lucky.

Detective Joan Meredith: It's called quota time.

Det. Dave Starsky: Come again.

Detective Joan Meredith: You read the papers, watch the news, pressure is on the department to hire more minorities, to hire more women. So I'm a veritable find in this one beautiful black person. I fill two quotas.

Det. Dave Starsky: Great, why don't you sit closer to the window so everybody can see you.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I'm just a glass half full kinda guy. We found the cure to the Prior's plague and we got it out to the planets that needed it.

Teal'c: And it has been some time since the last reported outbreak.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That's right, so I'm chalking that one up to the win column.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Look, all I'm saying is let's just not get carried away. Yes we stopped them this time but you can be damn sure they're already thinking up some other means of spreading fear and destruction through this galaxy.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, that's why we call 'em the bad guys.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: And by the looks of things the next one's going to be something big. Priors are already starting to step up the rhetoric with all this talk of doomsday when all shall witness the final battle between the light and darkness.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That's what they said about Tyson-Holyfield. There's always a rematch.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Someone duplicated the duplicators?

Sam Carter: [Takes gun extended to her] I don't really Like Guns.

Jack O'Neill: Neither do I, how do you feel about explosives?

Daniel: Why are you so quick to jump to the conclusion that I'm crazy? I mean I'm dangerous, I'm out of control? It's 'cause I'm kinda acting that way, aren't I?

Det. Dave Starsky: You know, if this was a cowboy movie, I'd give you my boots.

[Starsky and Hutch hold hands]

Det. Dave Starsky: You're my pal, Hutch.

Vala Mal Doran: I never killed anyone, I never tortured them, I was a wonderful god. Just ask them.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think we will.

Vala Mal Doran: Why? You don't believe me?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: That and I'm not totally convinced they're ultimately going to follow your command, not should that be the only reason they don't follow the Priors.

Vala Mal Doran: I am still supposed to be their god. I can't exactly go out there and ask them if they're going to listen to me.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I wasn't expecting you to.

Vala Mal Doran: What makes you think they're going to tell you the truth? You're supposed to be my faithful servant.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Then I'll sort of explain we're not so faithful as you like to believe and if necessary I'll also tell them we're plotting to kill you.

Vala Mal Doran: I have heard better plans.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: I kinda like it.

Vala Mal Doran: Shut up!

Colonel Jack O'Neill: I hope you diplomatically told him where to shove it.

Sam Carter: Look, if we don't make it...

[kisses Jack]

Jack O'Neill: Wait a minute! I thought you liked Daniel.

Sam Carter: I lied. I just wanted to get to know you better. You see, I'm a very cautious person, and I tend to take things-

[Jack interrupts, kissing her]

Jack O'Neill: I'd like to apologize in advance for anything I may say or do that could be construed as offensive, as I slowly go NUTS!

Adam: There's a back way out.

A.J.: Lead on.

[Frieda and Daisy peek around the corner]

Frieda: That's him!

Daisy: Okay. Let's be cool. Remember we're members of the press.

Frieda: Right. We're total professionals...

[Frieda and Daisy scream]

Ian Stark: You hugged the world's greatest children's author to death!

Henry: I didn't kill anybody.

Ian Stark: You didn't use a gun or knife, but surely, sir, you took his life.

Henry: Would you cut that out?

Ian Stark: If you hadn't let him get so near ya, he wouldn't have died from your bacteria.

Henry: Please, Ian, would you show some respect? My childhood hero just died!

Ian Stark: No one's denied the man just died. His death is surely bona fide. But you must confide, he wouldn't have died if you hadn't committed homicide.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That is a classified file.

Vala Mal Doran: Priors have been reported on 43 different planets already.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, that's what the file says.

Vala Mal Doran: Well it just so happens that I have a very good relationship with the people on the one you've designated P8X 412.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Define "relationship".

Vala Mal Doran: They trust me.

Vala Mal Doran: [Mitchell gets up and starts to leave] What? Where are you going?

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: To talk to Landry.

Vala Mal Doran: Why?

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Because anyone who trusts you is obviously in a great deal of danger.

Jack O'Neill: You know, I can navigate my way across a galaxy, but I get lost every time I come to Washington.

Samantha Carter: Don't worry, sir. These are my old stompin' grounds.

Jack O'Neill: Sorry to hear that.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: ...introduce yourself and talk about the weather.

Student: [stands up] Hello, my name is Carlos. You make me so hot.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay...

Jack O'Neill: Okay, uh... fun is what you do to make yourself happy, like music, games. It's whatever you do when you're not learning to be a Rocket Scientist.

Merrin: I am here to teach Major Carter about the reactor.

Major Samantha Carter: sounds like fun to me.

[Sees the mob of fans coming]

Adam: RUN! I'll hold them back.

A.J.: If you say so.

Henry: In case you hadn't noticed, I don't go around hugging people. I'm Protestant!

Sam Carter: Sir, I think it has something to do with the Goa'uld that invaded me. Lately I - I get this weird feeling when I'm near Teal'c.

Jack O'Neill: Hey, who doesn't?

Jack O'Neill: So Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.

Merrin: Yes.

Jack O'Neill: How old are you?

Merrin: I'm eleven. How old are you?

Jack O'Neill: So... Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.

Jack O'Neill: [Jacob is skeptical about SG-1's cover-story] I retired myself one time. Couldn't stay away.

Jacob Carter: From your analysis of Deep Space Radar Telemetry?

Jack O'Neill: [deadpan] Well, it's just so damn fascinating.

Sharon: That looks good... Hey! We're eating in half an hour.

Virgil: Yeah. I saw what you were cooking. I thought that I'd build up my strength.

Sharon: By the way. Daisy called. Said something about a big scoop.

Maj. John Sheppard: We have something they need and they have something we need. I thought that's what negotiating was all about.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Oh, well it is. Personally I stop short of offering nuclear weapons.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: Obviously I'll need Dr. Jackson, and there may be some complicated mathematical calculations to be done, so Sam would be a big help, too.

[Jack clears his throat]

Jacob Carter/Selmak: Of course, Colonel O'Neill is always lots of fun to have around.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: So, you guys are the talk of the Tok'ra water cooler.

Jack O'Neill: For what?

Jacob Carter/Selmak: Kickin' some major Hathor behind.

Jack O'Neill: Yes. We do take pride in good work.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Hammond] I give this no more than a 50/50 chance of working.

Lieutenant General George Hammond: According to the tape, it worked for eight years.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.

Daniel Jackson: [wormhole is established] Wow.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I'm certainly glad it's not me going through that... um... thing.

Jack O'Neill: Any idea what to expect?

Sam Carter: Not really. According to the tape, we're going to be de-molecularized, transmitted over two thousand light-years through subspace, and then, uh, remolecularized on the other side.

Major Charles Kawalsky: I did not need to know that.

Jack O'Neill: OK.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Gateship 1, you're go for launch.

Jack O'Neill: Gate ship?

Daniel Jackson: [with hand gesture] Well, it's a ship that goes through the gate.

Jack O'Neill: [somewhat reluctantly] Alright.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Hammond] What? It's a ship that goes through the gate. Gateship.

[pause]

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, I thought it was clever.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, you would think that a race smart enough to fly around in space would be smart enough to have seat belts.

Jacob Carter: I just prefer not to crash.

A.J.: Okay I'm dead.

[Static lifts A.J. up and puts him on his flying disc]

A.J.: Thanks for getting me out of there. I guess you have fans too?

Static: Oh yeah. Can't keep them off of me.

Maj. John Sheppard: You know how to make an A bomb?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Major, most of my high school chess team could design an A bomb.

Sam Carter: [Daniel returns to the mines in royal robes after being healed, visiting the remaining SG1 members who presume him dead] Hi guys Daniel Ow... wow... surprisingly difficult to kill you isn't it? We are pleased to see you Daniel Jackson

Jacob Carter/Selmak: He's Sokar's eyes and ears here.

Jack O'Neill: Well, *eye* and ears.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: He ensures there are no uprisings.

Jack O'Neill: Keeps the conditions livable.

Jack O'Neill: Helloooo Newman!

Static Shock: Richie. It's V. Look I couldn't sleep.

Richie: Thank you for passing along that important piece of information. Goodnight.

Static Shock: Richie. I need you to stay focused. This whole A.J. thing is really bugging me. I think that was Replikon we saw on TV not A.J.

Richie: You serious?

Static Shock: Like Frieda said his tattoo was on the wrong arm. I figure Repilikon was facing A.J. when he disguised himself so everything got flip flopped.

Richie: Yeah. Like looking in a mirror. Then where's the real A.J.?

Static Shock: I checked the hotel. He wasn't there. I went by the studio. Same thing. Now I'm at Adam's house and he's gone too.

Richie: Poor Adam is probably still down about his deal going bad. There he was about to see his face in every record store in the country.

Static Shock: Record store? That's it. Richie I need an address for a Stone Gas records.

Richie: You've got it V. I just hope that Replikon hasn't gone wacko on A.J.

Static Shock: You and me both bro.

Dr. Rodney McKay: What is it you said they grow here anyway?

Teyla Emmagan: Many things, but they are best known for a bean known as Tava.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Java?

Maj. John Sheppard: Ta-va!

Colonel Jack O'Neill: So what's your impression of Alar?

Teal'c: That he is concealing something.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Like what?

Teal'c: I am unsure. He is concealing it.

[Teal'c walks into the interrogation room and sits down, never taking his eyes off of Dr. Langham]

Dr. Langham: Look, this is a waste of time. I got nothin' to say.

[Teal'c continues to stare at him]

Dr. Langham: Okay, yes. I took the mimic devices. I switched them with the fakes. But I didn't know what they were planning to do with them.

[Teal'c continues to stare at him]

Dr. Langham: What? You think I'm part of some kind of murder conspiracy? Well, you're wrong.

[Teal'c raises an eyebrow and leans slightly towards him]

Dr. Langham: Alright, I'll tell ya what I know, but you have to promise me protection.

Daniel Jackson: [into the radio] Sam, Jack, it's all clear. You can come out now.

Jack O'Neill: [into the radio] In a minute.

[turns back to Sam. Daniel flicks his eyes nervously, viewing the celebration; Jack resumes kissing Sam]

Sam Carter: [muffled, after something in the ship sends out sparks] I can fix that.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: My lungs are burning.

Jack O'Neill: Well, at least it's a dry heat.

Daisy: Wait.

Frieda: We're reporters. He's so cute.

Daisy: I know!

[Daisy and Frieda start screaming]

Dr. Rodney McKay: You know, if people could just learn to keep their secret underground hatches locked...

Apophis: Who are you?

Daniel Jackson: Name's Daniel Jackson. Uh, if you give me back my eyeglasses, I could actually see you.

Teal'c: He claims he's of the Tau'ri.

Daniel Jackson: You weren't supposed to tell him that.

Apophis: The Tau'ri have no Chaapa'ai.

Daniel Jackson: Oh! Sorry, guess I was wrong. I'm-I'm sure your information is correct and - In fact, I'm usually quite wrong, quite unreliable actually. I'm - To be honest with you, I'm-I'm insane.

Apophis: Speak!

[pause while Daniel doesn't speak]

Apophis: Bring him.

[Teal'c hauls him forward]

Apophis: I think there is much you can tell me.

Daniel Jackson: Well, if you wanna know about the early settlements of Mesopotamia, I am somewhat of an expert...

Jack O'Neill: By all means... To Hell with us.

Jack O'Neill: It's O'Neill, with *two* L's. There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one L. He has no sense of humor at all.

The Storyteller: Each one who came the same story: the Griffin, please, for love, for justice, for fame, for fortune. But always in the end for the Griffin's supper.

Adam: I'm going to get Virgil. I am SO going to get him.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You do realise that long term exposure to these levels of radiation is extremely dangerous?

Cowen: Our scientists tell me otherwise.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, they're wrong.

Maj. John Sheppard: [nervously, to Rodney] Are we in danger now?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, it would take days or weeks at these levels of radiation, but I assume the Genii spend days or weeks down here?

Cowen: Many of our people have spent their entire lives here.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Their entire short lives.

[to John]

Dr. Rodney McKay: We'll be fine, just as long as you weren't planning on having children.

Samantha Carter: Teal'c, what about these?

Teal'c: They are intar.

Jack O'Neill: Short for?

Teal'c: Intar.

Sam Carter: [studdering nervously] I'm-I'm kind of attracted to Daniel.

Jack O'Neill: [long pause with blank expression then incredulously] What?

[long pause while stepping closer and then again incredulously]

Jack O'Neill: Really?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: You said "Hell," right?

Jack O'Neill: Well, I'm gonna end up there sooner or later. Might as well check out the neighborhood, huh?

Lucky: What are those lights on the shore?

Ferryman: Jewels, riches. No one brings them back...

Lucky: I shall, I shall come back.

Ferryman: If you do, perhaps you may discover why I must continue this weary way back and forth? Without ending... I am weary and sick to the soul.

Lucky: I'll remember.

Frieda: That's weird!

Richie: What?

Frieda: His tattoo. I thought his Chinese symbols were on the other arm?

Daisy: Yeah, they are.