Dr. Daniel Jackson: [Major Carter has been invited on a dangerous space race in exchange for alien technology] You really think this is worth it?

Major Samantha Carter: Absolutely!

[pauses packing]

Major Samantha Carter: Why? Don't you?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: N-no-yeah. I just- You just seem unusually... gung-ho.

Major Samantha Carter: "Gung-ho"?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is kinda more than about attaining new technology for you, isn't it?

Major Samantha Carter: You mean helping Warrick? He did once risk his life for me.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah, I heard that. I just think that there's something else.

Major Samantha Carter: Look, I know that this could be dangerous. But this is our job, right? It's what we signed on to do. We take risks in the hopes of achieving new levels of technology. If- and I stress 'if'- participating in this race happens to be a little bit...

[inhales through her teeth, faining ignorance]

Major Samantha Carter: ... I dunno...

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Fun?

Major Samantha Carter: [grins, shrugs] What's a girl to do?

[Jack has filled a crossword with Ancient words]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack, this is it.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Now see, I assume we still speak the same language, mostly.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sphere: Planet. Label: Name.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Following still you not!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I understand time is short.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Actually, it's all relative, ma'am. Carter could explain better if we had more time.

Eamon: Has it occurred to you that maybe the reason you've been passed over so many times is not because you are human, but because you're a moron?

Captain Griffin: Columbus was Spanish - he figured out the Earth was round.

Dr. Rodney McKay: He was Italian.

Captain Griffin: So I wonder what it is that makes Spaniards so good at debunking bad science? You're not Spanish, are you?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, yes! Of the Barcelona McKays! Now, if you don't mind...

[Anubis is planning to attack in three days]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Three days from now's a Thursday. Thursday's not good for us.

Samantha Carter: What's wrong with your chest?

Jack O'Neill: I think I cracked a rib too

Samantha Carter: Why didn't you say something?

Jack O'Neill: I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it

Mr. Chuck Noblet: At the end of "West Side Story," why do the lovers strangle each other?

Jerri Blank: To prove that love is worth dying for?

Mr. Chuck Noblet: No, I think what Shakespeare was getting at is that death is preferable to having your secret relationship revealed.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to the sea monster] Oh, see, pal. Sorry you don't get to eat me today.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: He's the reason we found you.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Really?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Almost thought we lost you.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I knew you'd think of something... subconsciously, at least.

[Bra'tac comes to the SGC]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: This is Dr. Elizabeth Weir. She's the new leader of this facility.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [extends her hand] Hello.

Master Bra'tac: [concerned] Has Hammond of Texas fallen in battle?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: No, sir. He's-he's fine.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Teal'c and I were flung out of this 'gate at this end so fast I don't even remember hitting the ramp.

Anja: It's magic, your majesty. It cannot be sold, only exchanged.

Trollop: Exchanged, for what? Be more clarrified.

Anja: A night with your betrothed.

Trollop: [gasps] With my new ornaman? Ragious!

Anja: Then you must keep what is yours and me what is mine.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: The way I see it, you're scared. You're a little panicked, you're a lot lonely. You knew you could use some help, so your subconscious is manifesting the one person you know is smarter than you.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, I don't think so!

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Oh, don't start with me, McKay!

Dr. Rodney McKay: You are very clever, I will even give you brilliant; but there is brilliant, and then there's me.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Every time we've worked together you've been wrong and I've been right.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Even if that were true, and no-one is saying that it is, the fact that you could assert...

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Why else would I be here?

Dr. Rodney McKay: I don't know. Maybe one last romp before I die?

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: One last romp? Please, we never...

Dr. Rodney McKay: Okay, one first romp but it's romping that comes to mind, not your brains, blondie. Now you've got to admit I am a handsome man...

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: You're essentially arguing with yourself.

Her'ak: His true loyalties were well known. Once his betrayal bore fruit, his existence was no longer required.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: You callin' us fruit?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I've been awake all weekend. I-I... The reality of this is-is-is... It's an adrenaline rush.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Hey, at least I know you have a beating heart!

Dr. Daniel Jackson, Teal'c: General, permission to...

General Hammond: Granted.

Dr. Rodney McKay: We make a good team, you and I.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Suuure...

Dr. Rodney McKay: No, I mean it. I really enjoy working with you. Always. I wonder why we never hooked up.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Well aside form the fact you're petty, arrogant and treat people badly?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes?

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: No, that's pretty much it. Petty, arrogant, bad with people.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, but you find me attractive? Physically?

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Stick to working on my idea.

Dr. Rodney McKay: But this is my idea.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: How do you figure?

Dr. Rodney McKay: You don't exist. You think what my subconscious tells you to think. So really the idea was mine. Oh, wow. I'm arguing with myself about who had an idea first, me or me. I really am petty, aren't I?

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: And arrogant and bad with people, yes.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Is that a-a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Subtle, huh?

Samantha Carter: What's wrong with your chest?

Jack O'Neill: I think I cracked a rib too.

Samantha Carter: Why didn't you say something?

Jack O'Neill: I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it.

Samantha Carter: Try to stay put, Sir, I think your leg's broken.

Jack O'Neill: No, my leg's definitely broken. What's the bad news, 'cause unless they've redecorated the Gate room, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [about the president and vice-president] Does anyone know anyone who voted for those two shrubs?

Captain Griffin: So, let me ask you something. As a scientist, does it bother you that most of your work, no matter how brilliant, will eventually be considered misguided? 'Cause that would bother me.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry?

Captain Griffin: Well, given enough time, everything's pretty much proven wrong, right?

Dr. Rodney McKay: No.

Captain Griffin: Everything from the Earth being flat, to the sun revolving around us.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, if you wanna go back hundreds of years!

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [Hammond has accepted O'Neill's offer of beer] I hope you like Guinness, sir. I find it a refreshing substitute for... food.

Samantha Carter: Sshhh. Try to sleep.

Jack O'Neill: Is that what we're doing?

Samantha Carter: You're exhausted, you passed out. I just thought we had to combine body heat or we wouldn't make it through the night.

Jack O'Neill: That's fine. It's just... very hard to sleep with broken ribs when someone's lying on you.

Samantha Carter: Sorry.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: [McKay kisses Carter] You do realise what you're actually doing, right?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh come on! You're a figment of my imagination. The least you could do is take your top off.

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter: Your subconscious mind knows I would never be into that.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You are the worst hallucination ever.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: [to Teal'c] What happens when you dial your own phone number?

[Daniel quickly realizes Teal'c has no idea]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Wrong person to ask.

[to Hammond]

Dr. Daniel Jackson: What happens when you dial your own phone number?

General Hammond: You get a busy signal.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Exactly.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Teal'c's like one of the deepest people I know. I mean, he's *so* deep. Go on, t-tell them how deep you are! You'll be lucky if you understand this.

Teal'c: [lifts one eyebrow] My depth is immaterial to this conversation.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ooh! See?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: No more beer for you.

Passerby: That Trollop's so greedy. She sees gold, she wants it. Silver, she snatches it. She collects handsome men like ornaments. My 'Ornamen' she calls them.

Bill Miller: [Judy is making little pizzas for a book club meeting she is hosting] Oh look, some baby pizzas too young to defend themselves.

[starts picking one up]

Judy Miller: Hey, hands off! Did I say you could touch those?

Bill Miller: Wow, it's our first date all over again.

Bill: [after Judy realizes she's like Bill's mother, Louise] Ha ha, you're like my mother. I married my...oh *my* God.

Judy Miller: That was one rad eighties dance!

Bill Miller: Yeah, but back in the eighties, poppin' and lockin' didn't mean my shoulder poppin' and my back lockin'.

Judy Miller: Honey, don't worry about it; we'll drop some Advil later.

Linda Michaels: Let me get this straight: You broke up Brian from the love of his life and Bill taught some jock how to get lucky with your daughter. Why don't you go for the hat trick and kill Tina's gerbil?

Bill: Brian, I am so disappointed in you! You spend all afternoon at the strip club and you didn't bring any wings home for me?

Prince: You are my true bride.

Anja: Am I? Then let no one else ever kiss your cheek.

Prince: Never. Never ever.

The Storyteller: Never he says, never ever. But I'm sorry, hurt lurks, pain prowls, sorrow simmers.

Storyteller's Dog: Why, what happens, does the troll come back? Oh no!

The Storyteller: No... well yes, in a manner of speaking... yes, he does.

Judy: I used to work out all the time!

Linda Michaels: Running from the cops is not working out!

Boabby: [Jack and Victor enter The Clansman] Oh, Here comes Francie and Josie.

Jack Jarvis, Victor McDade: Shut up Dick!

Boabby: For the millionth time, it's Bobby!

Victor McDade: [Victor is clearing out Jack's fridge when he comes across a dated looking can of Tennants Lager] Jeezo Jack, there's a lassie on this tin, it'll be well past it's sell-by.

Jack Jarvis: Ahh right, mind you, they never put sell-by dates on the cans back then, so it should be ok.

Boabby: [Jack and Victor enter the pub] Oh, here they come, Batman and Robin!

Victor McDade: We'll accept that, so long as you go catwoman, you big pussy!

The Storyteller: When word spreads of a lovely thing alone in a grand palace, well they flocked to her, the suitors in droves. Prince Lahdeedah of here and Prince Lahdeedah of there. But they're a trifle to much Lah or a little too much Dee and occasionally, plain Dah.

Boabby: [Jack and Victor enter the Clansman] Ho-ho, it's the two Ronnies!

Victor McDade: Oh, the two Ronnies, now? Well, then, it's shut-up-ya-prick frae me...

Jack Jarvis: And its shut-up-ya-prick frae him!

Steve: You wanna see whats on BET?

Regina: Sure.

Steve: Yeah, maybe we'll catch one of those old shows. Whats Happenin', Good Times, maybe even the Jeffersons. Or maybe that show Me and the Boys.


Steve: That was a good show... Wonder why they cut that off?

Steve: Lovita you are late, as acting vice principal, I find that very unacceptable.

Lovita: Well, I find you triflin'.

Sophia Ortiz: Where is Mr. Jordan? Why you teachin' all those subjects? And, why we gotta take this class anyway?

Steve: I don't know. I got played out. And, I don't know.

[Johnny and Frank are escaped prisoners on the run who want the Steptoes to lend them their car so they can make their getaway. Harold offers them the carthorse instead]

Johnny: An 'orse? We can't make a getaway on an 'orse!

Harold Steptoe: Why not? Dick Turpin did...

Johnny: Right, gimme that keys to your car.

Harold Steptoe: Car? What car? We haven't got a car.

Johnny: Come off it, everyone's got a car.

Harold Steptoe: We haven't.

[Albert has been talking all through the film, and the man behind him can finally take no more]

Threatening Cinemagoer: I'm a very peaceful man, but I warn you - if I hear another word of you I shall stuff that ice cream right down the back of your dirty little neck!

[Albert is trying to get seats for Nudes of 1964, very much against Harold's wishes]

Harold Steptoe: We're going to see Fellini's 8 and 1/2!

Albert: [pointing at a girl in the Nudes of 1964 poster] I'd rather see her forty-eight and a half.

Albert: Fellini's Eight'n'Arf... Eight'n'Arf what?

Vicar: I say... isn't that an old What the Butler Saw machine? I haven't seen one of those in a month of sabbaths!

Anja: Let me catch a light.

Troll: A troll can see perfectly clarified!

Harold Steptoe: [after seeing Albert on a mutoscope reel] You Marquis De Sade!

Dr. Carson Beckett: My theory is that the Ancients unwittingly allowed humans to evolve on a planet with, uh, insect species on it. At some point the insects fed on humans and somehow incorporated our DNA into theirs. The Wraith are an evolution of that combination.

Lt. Aiden Ford: So what you're saying is the Ancients actually created the Wraith?

Dr. Carson Beckett: By accident.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Or negligence.

Albert Steptoe: 'Ere, that's a What the Butler Saw machine!

Harold Steptoe: Ah, you recognize it! Takes you back to your lecherous youth, does it?

[Harold is fantasizing about his forthcoming cruise]

Harold: Ivory smuggling up the coast of Africa, whale hunting off Antarctica...

Albert: Shipwrecked off Southend!

Cody Lambert: Have no fear! The CodeMan's here!

Papa Larson: Hold on there, Lambert! He's not family!

Cody Lambert: Dude! I'm her fiancé.

Dana Foster: What?

[plays along]

Dana Foster: Hi, honey.

Ivy Baker: Why do we have to eat outside? Every time we eat outside I end up with bugs in my teeth!

Penny Baker: Why don't you try chewing with your mouth closed?

Ivy Baker: Why don't you try talking with your mouth closed?

The Storyteller: The devils rushed to hell and slammed shut the doors for fear of being followed by the soldier and his sack. And they trembled and quivered and fumed, fumed, fumed. But the soldier had no time for devils. He was the toast of the town and the star of the Tzar. But howsoever life smiles on us, the last laugh is reserved for death...

Dana Foster: J.T.? Where is J.T.?

Alicia 'Al' Lambert: J.T.!

[J.T. screams as he falls down the chimney]

Dana Foster: J.T., you're under the fireplace!

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Tell me something I don't know.

Alicia 'Al' Lambert: Well, are you all right?

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: [sarcastically] I'm great. I'm thinking of moving my bed in here! Can you get me out? Hel-lo!

Teyla Emmagan: That is why they are coming here. They know that Atlantis is the only way to get to a new, rich, feeding ground.

Major John Sheppard: Earth.

Troll: Oh... dear oh dear, the palace is here but Anja didn't do it. There is being a contradiction. And when there's being a contradiction, we have to speak with our friend, don't you think?

[holds up his contradiction stick]

Anja: I don't know, probably.

Troll: Very probably, certain in fact!

Carol Foster: Oh, and one more thing... no parties while we're gone.

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: Don't worry, Carol. You can trust us.

[the kids say goodbye as Frank and Carol close the door]

John Thomas 'J.T.' Lambert: It's party time!

David: $98 for new swim flippers? What was wrong with the swim flippers you got last summer?

Michael: Look at them, David! I'd be the laughingstock of the Aquatics Center! They're hopelessly out of fashion!

Michael: They are, David. Besides, what are you, beyond reproach? I mean what about all that surgical gauze you bought?

David: That was for my appendectomy, Michael.

Michael: Daivd, that appendectomy was cosmetic and you know it.

David: It was not.

Michael: Was too!

David: Was not!

Michael: Was too!

David: Was not!

Michael: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear!

David: Was he?!

Michael: ...I dunno!

David: [murmurs and peers at Michael]

Michael: You guys, while you were arguing I coming up with a list of ideas about how we can save some money.

Michael: I'll be the judge of that...

Michael: [takes the list]

Michael: [shaking his head] No. No. No. No.

Major John Sheppard: You're saying Teyla's part-Wraith?

Dr. Carson Beckett: A very small part.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Which makes her about as different from us as you, because of the Ancient gene you possess.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, and some other things!

Michael: Well we are gathered here tonight, for a fight But I say, man that's not all right Fighting is not the right solution, It just adds to all of this polution

David: Well I'm David Wain and I'm here to say, That there has to be a better way. Fighting is not a good activity, Let's use our creativity Painting, and dancing, and drawing, yo Now I would like to introduce my friend Michael Sho

Michael: A-ra-ca-ca-ca A-ha-ha-ha-ha Boom Shakalaka Boom Shakalaka Get up, Get up, Get up, Yeah!

Dr. Carson Beckett: It was very easy to miss. In fact, I couldn't even make the kind of comparison necessary to isolate the specific strand. We needed Wraith cells, which we eventually got, but then we need a full mapping of the genetic code contained within those cells, which wasn't even fifty percent complete...

Teyla Emmagan: Please! Tell me.

Dr. Carson Beckett: You have some Wraith DNA in your genetic make-up.

David: Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Michael: You betcha'! I'm kickin' you Oouuu-!

David: Well if that don't beat all! First Michael kicks us out and then you kick me out? Prince Machiavelli himself couldn't have orchestrated a more murderous coo!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You were right.

Dr. Carson Beckett: Lovely! About what?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Your theory of the Wraith evolving after the Ancients arrived in Pegasus galaxy...

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, you're kidding me!

Dr. Radek Zelenka: Pay up.

Dr. Carson Beckett: How d'you know?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: The Wraith language... It's a derivative of Ancient.

Troll: See, observe this pond. Deep, you'd say and you'd be right. Depth a plenty. Drain it. Drain it with your spoon. And if I be recurring and find a drop of water, If I so much as get my bootsy wett, heaven help me.

Michael: The gall! The unmitigated gall of those girls!

Michael: [mocking] If you want to change things, run for board president. Yeah right!

David: They think they're SO funny

Michael: So funny I forgot to laugh!

Michael: I remembered to laugh, but I didn't, because it specifically wasn't funny!

David: Yeah, like the great Irish Potato Famine!

Michael: When they said that, it literally was the great Irish Potato Famine!

Michael: That was such a great famine

Michael: I love that famine

Michael: Can I say something about the nature of tragedy? I think it's so sad. I think like, by definition, tragedy is sad. Like war?

David: You know, I've never been a fan of tragedy. I hate war too.

Michael: Like, that's what the 60's were all about. People don't understand that, like, that's what we were doing back then

Michael: It's like when Bob Dylan said "I have a dream", THAT'S what he was talking about

David: What about Madonna? I mean, is she Like a Virgin or is she the Material Girl? I mean this girl's had more reinventions than Thomas Edison

Michael: She's had more boyfriends than Madonna

Michael: I like English Muffins

Michael: Totally!

Dr. Carson Beckett: I'm a medical doctor, not a magician!

Mrs. Barnett: Let's get out of here... Oh. What's happening to my beautiful body?

Toyman: I may be a fool for love, my dear but I'm no dope. Oh, it's just a new element that I added to your body just in case you tried to betray me again.

Mrs. Barnett: What have you done?

Toyman: Right now the nactinides are liquifying your new body and


Toyman: I have the antidote.

[Toyman throws the antidote into a nearby vat of acid]

Dr. Rodney McKay: [Kolya is holding him by the edge of one of Atlantis' balconies] Trust me, I'm not that brave. I would help you if I could.

Kevin: Well, well, well. If it isn't little Jimmy Osgood.

Jimmy Osgood: [pointing his father's gun] Yeah, and I've got a way to protect myself.

Kevin: [classmates gasping] Come on, Jimmy put the gun down. That's not funny.

Jimmy Osgood: You know what else isn't funny? Breaking my computer isn't funny. Shoving me into the gym lockers and humilliating me in front of everyone isn't funny.

Kevin: You're right. I'm sorry Jimmy.

Jimmy Osgood: No, you're not.

[Static Shock suddenly bursts into the school gym shortly before the gun goes off hitting Richie in the leg]

Richie: Ow! Ow! It's not like on TV.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to Kolya] I don't know if you noticed or not but I'm an extremely arrogant man who tends to think all of his plans will work.

Virgil: Hey Daisy. You're getting counseling too.

Daisy: Everyone who was involved is getting counseling.

Virgil: What about him?

Daisy: He's getting community service and so are his buddies.

Dr. Carson Beckett: The dots don't tell us much about who's who. How do we know which one's the Major?

Lt. Aiden Ford: He'll be the dot taking out the other dots.

Static: [to Ritchie after seeing his future counterpart] Better lay off the chili fries

Major John Sheppard: Son of a bitch beat me to it. He's fast.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Then you should get back here.

Major John Sheppard: Negative.

Dr. Rodney McKay: There's no point being out there...

Major John Sheppard: He's aboard my ship.

Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you, Captain Kirk?

Terry McGinnis: [to Bruce About Static] He calls himself *Beyonce*.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Major, what the hell was that?

Major John Sheppard: I almost blew myself up!

Dr. Rodney McKay: What?

Major John Sheppard: Stay off the radio, I'm busy!

The Storyteller: Trolls come at the bottom of the list of people you want as friends. They are revolting, trolls, they can't even stand each other. The troll in this story had a daughter, and she left home straight off. In her place the troll found an orphan. A young girl to wait on him hand and foot. But this girl had more in store than to do for a troll. Oh no, she had a destiny.

Adam: I've waited for a long time but this deal proves that if you stick to your dreams they'll come true.

Richie: Our friend is going to be a star. Think about it V. Superstretch limos, craft service munchies.

Virgil: Richie, he's in a really tough business. One minute you're the hottest thing around the next you're in the close-out bin.

Daisy, Frieda: Hi guys.

Virgil: Who's that on your shirt?

Daisy: Adam of course.

Frieda: He's so cool.

Virgil: Then again there's nothing wrong with being a one-hit-wonder.


Virgil: My name is Virgil and I'm here to say nobody sings and raps my way.

Richie: I'm his pal Richie and I must agree. Together we make great harmony.


Daisy: Friends of yours?

Frieda: Nope. Never seen them.

Major John Sheppard: Thanks.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, you too. You OK?

Major John Sheppard: Other than this and a few cracked ribs. What about Gall?

Dr. Rodney McKay: No.

Major John Sheppard: We'll have to put the ship back together, provided you can disarm the shield.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Fine. As long as we get to go home.

Major John Sheppard: You can drive.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, thank you!

Virgil: Here you go Adam. Hey I didn't know there was a recording studio here?

Adam: Yeah it's a trade secret now if you don't mind.

Virgil: Hey Slow down. I want to have a look

A.J.: Yo Adam. You got them tunes yet?

Virgil: Hey! You're A.J. McLean! You're a Backstreet Boy?

A.J.: Right on both counts. Let me guess? You have all our CDs.

Virgil: Well, No.

[A.J. fakes a heartattack]

Virgil: But the girls at school. They're crazy about you.

A.J.: That's cool.

Virgil: One question: why are you with him?

A.J.: We're thinking about using some of Adam's music on our new CD.

A.J.: [Female voice calls AJ over the loudspeaker] Later.

Virgil: No way! Adam, this could be it for you man.

Adam: Yeah I know. That's why we have to keep this on the down low. Nobody knows that A.J. is in town and I want it to stay that way.

Virgil: No problem. Don't sweat it. My lips are sealed.

[Over the telephone]

Virgil: Richie you will not believe who I just saw.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Major!

Major John Sheppard: McKay!

Dr. Rodney McKay: What do I do now?

Major John Sheppard: Keep firing everything you've got!

Richie: Wait! What are you doing?

Virgil: I'm logging on to the class website.

Richie: You can't do that.

Virgil: Why not?

Richie: The site crashed. Believe me there's nothing there to see.

Virgil: Richie. Let go of the chair.

Richie: D'oh! You see it's like this. You're with friends, you talk and next thing you know...

Virgil: [shouts] Richie! You told them about A.J.?

Richie: No, not really.

Virgil: Informed sources indicate that A.J. McLean is here in Dakota.


Virgil: Richie!

Richie: Those are unconfirmed rumors. That's all

Virgil: They posted the address of the recording studio!

Richie: Okay it's not my fault. Frieda and Daisy, they forced me to talk. It was double chili cheeseburger with grilled onions.

Chuck the Technician: I don't know what happened, it just stopped working. I got some little functionality back, but it still isn't doing everything it used to.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: Yes, well, maybe if people stop insisting on having food and liquid in such close proximity to the *ten-thousand-year-old equipment*!

Chuck the Technician: Hey! We're very careful! We're not the problem here!

Dr. Radek Zelenka: [sarcastically] Ah, yes. Uh-huh!

[while Zelenka isn't looking, the technician touches the laptop. The Ancient screen flashes]

Dr. Radek Zelenka: What did you touch?

Chuck the Technician: Nothing! I didn't touch anything.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: [in Czech: ] Jesus, I can't work with these actors!

Virgil: [Yawning] Rough night.

Richie: You look tired. Were you out on patrol all night?

Virgil: No. I couldn't sleep. I kept banging on the wall trying to get Sharon to turn her stereo down. She was up all night listening to Adam's CD.

Richie: Well now you'll know what to get her for her birthday next time?

Virgil: What's that?

Richie: Headphones.

Maj. John Sheppard: [the team are being forced to try to solve a puzzle one after another and an incorrect answer kills the one solving it] Two heads think better than one.

Dr. Rodney McKay: That's a common misconception.

Maj. John Sheppard: Give me a gun and I'll shoot him myself.

Frieda: And while the Backstreet Boys may not be fully appreciated by a few of our more closed minded, inmature, reactionary, peers...

Daisy: Mmm hmm!

Frieda: ...they are clearly the pre-emininant musical voices of their generation.

Maj. John Sheppard: Well? Good stuff?

Side Character: I can't begin to tell you how fascinating this is.

Maj. John Sheppard: Anthropologist fascinating or actual fascinating?

Side Character: Yeah, well maybe fascinating's not the right word.

Maj. John Sheppard: Maybe not.

Storyteller's Dog: Yes, but it wasn't three years, three months, three weeks and three whole days, was it?

The Storyteller: No, clever cloggs. The princess spoke three minutes too soon. And because of that her youngest brother kept one wing forever. But he didn't mind, and nor do I and nor my dear, should you.

Adam: Marvin?

Marvin Roper: Adam?

Static: You two know each other?

Marvin Roper: Yes we were producing partners back in the day.

Adam: Yeah now we're ex-partners. He promised me that he could make me a star until I found out he was all talk and no action.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [Talking about food rations] We have to make do. If that means you have to eat my favorite food two days in a row, so be it.

Dr. Zelenka: You enjoy military rations?

Dr. Rodney McKay: I know, it's weird, hospital food too. Only reason I don't like airplane food is you can't get seconds.

[singing Everybody Backstreet's Back]

Virgil: Ahh de phone. Hello? Dis is chef Virgil.

Adam: Hi Virgil. Is Sharon there?

Virgil: No she's not. Can't you tell by my good mood?

Adam: Shoot! I need my CD back right now.

Virgil: I can bring it. Adam?

Adam: Okay I'll give you the directions but you have to come by yourself. Understand?

Teyla Emmagan: You suspect an athosian?

Maj. John Sheppard: Dr. Weir wants to meet them that's all, it's not personal. Well I mean it is, in the sense that she wants to meet them all personal.

Replikon: Yo Backstreet Bum. Lester Biggs is going sign Marvin Roper, me, to an overall deal. Mansions, stretch limos, I'm going to live on the hills.

A.J.: Yeah in a penthouse prison cell.

Replikon: Ah ha ha! He's just a funny pop star. After I get through with you, you won't be laughing.

A.J.: Is that right?

Replikon: You see I was just keeping you around to make sure my imitation of you looked real but now that I have my record contract... All you're good for is lunchmeat.

Chaya Sar: I am what you call an Ancient and it is also true that I can never offer your people sanctuary. But you are wrong about as to why I came here.

Major John Sheppard: Why did you come here?

Chaya Sar: You, John.

Major John Sheppard: Me?

Chaya Sar: I have lived in solitude for so long that when you asked me to come to Atlantis, I...

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh my god, he is Kirk!

Rita Velasquez: Lester we have a big problem here. What if they wreck the studio? Think of the expense? Think of the lawsuits?

A.J.: Think of the publicity. In Dakota today A.J. McLean and his new discovery Adam Evans attract thousands of devoted fans.

Rita Velasquez: Lester cancel the call to 911 but send a photographer over.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Word of caution? The whole Captain Kirk routine is problematic to say the least, let alone morally dubious.

Major John Sheppard: What routine?

Dr. Rodney McKay: The romancing of the alien priestess? It's very 1967 of you. Actually, I'm surprised...

Major John Sheppard: [interrupting Rodney] If and when anything I do becomes your business...

Dr. Rodney McKay: It becomes my business, Major, when an alien woman who is clearly not who she claims to be has the ranking military officer wrapped around her little finger!

Major John Sheppard: Don't go there, McKay.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry - I know I'm not normally Mr Sensitive, but you gotta believe me when I say there is something about her. I know it's intangible but I can feel it.

Major John Sheppard: I said don't go there!

Dr. Rodney McKay: It's just a matter of time before I prove it, Major. I'm just recommending that in the meantime you keep your...

[Chaya Sar appears and he shuts up]