[Marty has handed Jack a toothpick]

Martin Lloyd: I propped it up against the inside of my door. When I got home, it was on the ground, meaning someone was there.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: If you prop it up against the inside of the door, how do you get out?

Martin Lloyd: Through the window! You think I'm so stupid I go out my own front door?

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to John] Don't you understand? This explosion is gonna take out three quarters of the solar system. There's no way we can fly far enough or fast enough. We have to head for the Gate.

[Maybourne tosses an explosive in the lake to 'catch' some fish]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: That is just wrong on so many levels.

Dr. Peter Grodin: The Stargate transmits matter into discrete units... the front half of the ship cannot rematerialize till the whole ship is crossed into the event horizon. The Stargate is essentially waiting for the continuous component, that's meaning the Jumper and everything inside to enter completely before it can transport them...

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [Beckett stares then lookes at Weir] He says the Gate only sends things through in one piece.

Josie Trent: Mr. Person I, I, when did you get hair?

Maj. John Sheppard: R2, I need you to turn the auto pilot off!

Teal'c: If I were still loyal to the Goa'uld, you would know it.

Colonel Frank Simmons: Really?

Teal'c: It would be immediately apparent, as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

Bra'tac: This Tretonin seems to have had an effect on your memory.

Teal'c: Why would you say such a thing?

Bra'tac: Because you have forgotten that a warrior's true strength comes from his heart and his mind. You have had a physical advantage over me for a long time, and yet I have never lost a sparring match to you.

Teal'c: Because for years, Old Man, I have let you win.

Bra'tac: [laughs] Better. Much better.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Rodney.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, maybe you are on the enzyme. Maybe Ford lied, because no rational person would think that was a good plan.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Look, a million things can go wrong, I know that, but just... look, stop! Shut up and listen. You fix that Dart - we all get outta here. I know it's risky but Ford's not thinkin' straight. So...

Dr. Rodney McKay: What are you talking about?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'll insist you're all on the away team. I'll scoop you up and instead of flying out to the hive ship, we fly out to Atlantis.

Dr. Rodney McKay: How?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: That Dart's gotta have its own DHD, right?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Of course.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: Well, then, get that thing fly-worthy, we all go home!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Right, of course. Now, you see, I would have thought of that myself before I became a drug addict.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: I'm sure you would have.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: It's alright.

[John pats Rodney comfortingly on his arm]

Dr. Rodney McKay: OK.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: You know, Harry, it's not that I can't believe you lied to me again. It's that you

[shouting]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: lied to me *again*!

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: Somebody call for a cop?

Inspector Steve Keller: Well, I called for one about an hour ago, but you know they're never around when you need 'em.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: Well, here I am.

Teal'c: I would prefer not to consume bovine lactose at any temperature.

Inspector Steve Keller: [Exiting the ACT Theater after a staging of "Othello"] Play really works too, doesn't it?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: I guess.

Inspector Steve Keller: You guess? Whaddaya mean, you guess? Sixteenth Century play that comes to life like that? With such contemporary values? A theme that still holds up?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: Holds up? I'll tell you what holds up: "Abie's Irish Rose."

Inspector Steve Keller: "Abie's Irish Rose"? How can you even compare those two plays?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: They're both plays, aren't they?

Inspector Steve Keller: Yeah.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: They both have actors, don't they?

Inspector Steve Keller: You're puttin' me on.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: No, I'm not.

Hermiod: What are you doing?

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm just checking something; I'm sure it is impossible...

Dr. Rodney McKay: Crap.

Hermiod: What did you do?

Dr. Rodney McKay: I just ran it through a translation program. It's Wraith.

Hermiod: Crap indeed.

[O'Neill and Teal'c are fishing at O'Neill's cabin]

Teal'c: There appears to be no fish here, O'Neill.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: T, it's not about the actual fish, themselves. Fish are not important in this context. It's about fish-ing, the act of fishing itself.

Teal'c: I see.

[cell phone rings]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: You didn't?

Teal'c: By request of General Hammond.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [mutters] No way.

[Teal'c slaps a mosquito as he answers phone shouting]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: What?

[calmer]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes Daniel, he's right here. Please hold.

[hands the phone to Teal'c]

Teal'c: Daniel Jackson. We have caught nothing. We are fishing.

Martin Lloyd: A top secret government program involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a Stargate.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Sounds like a good idea for a TV show. If you're into that sort of thing.

Maj. John Sheppard: Sorry if I woke you. Just came by to see if there's anything you needed. Magazine, fresh towels.

Wraith Warrior: You hide your fear poorly, major.

Maj. John Sheppard: You know, we've been having these conversations for a couple of weeks now, and I don't even know your name. You guys do have names right? Let me guess... Steve?

Wraith Warrior: I am your death. That is all you need to know.

Maj. John Sheppard: I prefer Steve.

Wraith Warrior: What do you hope to gain from this?

Maj. John Sheppard: Just trying to bridge the gap between our two cultures, get to know you better. That and try to figure out how to keep your kind from sucking the life out of millions of innocent people!

Amanda Durst - 1977: I've never yelled at a student before. I like it.

Maj. John Sheppard: Wonder what hurts more, the gunshot wound or the hunger? I'd love to help out but, how'd McKay put it?

[pause]

Maj. John Sheppard: We can't meet your dietary requirements.

Wraith Warrior: When I'm free, you'll be the first that i feed upon.

Maj. John Sheppard: Okey dokey. I'm gonna go make myself a sandwich.

Carson Beckett M. D.: It's not that I mind lending people a hand...

Maj. John Sheppard: No, of course not.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You're a generous man, Carson.

Carson Beckett M. D.: But it's the principle of the thing, isn't it? You can't go volunteering someone for something without consulting them first. That's not even volunteering, is it? It's being pressed into service. Not to mention the fact I'm not...

Maj. John Sheppard: ...military and I can't give you orders. I know.

Dr. Rodney McKay: No, he just doesn't like going through the Stargate.

Maj. John Sheppard: He's worse than Dr McCoy.

Teyla Emmagan: Who?

Maj. John Sheppard: The TV character that Dr Beckett plays in real life.

Carson Beckett M. D.: Converting the human body into energy and sending it millions of lightyears through a wormhole. Bloody insanity!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Come on, how often do you get to travel to an alien planet?

Carson Beckett M. D.: I was already on an alien planet!

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Their whole world is in flames, and we're offering gasoline. How is that help?

Teal'c: We are in fact offering water.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Thank you.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I was speaking metaphorically.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Well, stop it. It's not fair to Teal'c.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Hey, what happened to the, uhm, to the blue jello? My favourite - all of a sudden it's off the menu. What gives?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: We have to warn Earth.

Major John Sheppard: Even if it's the last thing we do?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Especially if it's the last thing we do.

General Vidrine: How does she fly, son?

Teal'c: The vehicle performed within expected parameters.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Woohoo!

[pause]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Sorry, sir. I couldn't help but get caught up in Teal'c's enthusiasm.

Marshall Wheeler: [after explaining to Professor Z how to make a goudy board] And that's how you make a goudy board.

Professor Zachary: Marshall, you just aced your midterm.

Dr. Carson Beckett: What shall I say?

Lt. Aiden Ford: Uh, uh, "I miss you"? "I wish you were here"?

Dr. Carson Beckett: I wish who was here?

Lt. Aiden Ford: I don't know. Who do you wish was here?

Dr. Carson Beckett: Nobody! I wish I wasn't bloody here!

Dr. Rodney McKay: What?

Boy: Is it true? You're going to hunt the Deimos?

Dr. Rodney McKay: It looks that way.

Boy: I heard it has two heads, and can turn you to stone just by looking at you!

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, you heard wrong.

Boy: My uncle says it'll come and take me if I don't do my chores.

Dr. Rodney McKay: He said that, huh? Well then, if we get rid of it, you've got nothing to worry about. You'll never have to do chores ever again.

Boy: Really?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes. Look... go away!

Dr. Radek Zelenka: Lt. Ford, would you mind being a subject of research paper

[starts chuckling]

Dr. Radek Zelenka: on statistical improbabilities?

Lt. Aiden Ford: Is this some sort of payback for guys like me beating up guys like you i high school, right?

Major Samantha Carter: Jonas, you are such a chickensh...

[alarms start going off]

Dr. Radek Zelenka: 7,549.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, please. Prime. 4,021.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: .Uh, nice try try. Not prime. OK, Lt, Ford, 599.

Lt. Aiden Ford: I don't care if it's a prime number or not.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: Come on. Yes or no?

Lt. Aiden Ford: No.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: [laughs] It's incredible. 10 for 10.

Dr. Rodney McKay: He is terrible.

Lt. Aiden Ford: So I suck at prime/not prime. Somehow I'm going to sleep tonight.

Dr. Radek Zelenka: At this point, it's gone way beyond not knowing your prime numbers.

Dr. Rodney McKay: It's a true/false game. Statistically, just by guessing, you should be getting at least half of these right. Look, 993.

Lt. Aiden Ford: Prime.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, come on. That's an easy one. Are you hearing this, Hays?

Hays: Not really. I guess I've been too busy doing my job.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Let me see if I can make you understand, okay? these results don't just say the Zed-p.m. won't work, they say this reality isn't governed by any natural laws. It's like looking through a microscope at a cell culture and seeing a thousand dancing hamsters.

Major Paul Davis: Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Samantha Carter, Dr. Daniel Jackson, allow me to introduce to you Lieutenant General Vidrine.

General Vidrine: Colonel.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: General.

General Vidrine: Major.

Major Samantha Carter: General.

General Vidrine: Doctor.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: General.

Josie Trent: Do I really have to kiss Lucas?

Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: War and Peace. Mmm some heavy reading.

Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah. Well back on Earth when i was getting ready for this mission I realized there was a good chance I might be here for a while so i figured 'why not bring along a book that takes a while to read.'

Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Page 17.

Maj. John Sheppard: I'm right on schedule.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Uh, Teal'c. On our "6", is that what I think it is?

Teal'c: If you think it is Earth, yes.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: It's shrinking.

Teal'c: Its size remains constant. Rather, it is we who are moving away at extreme velocity.

Dr. Rodney McKay: We're talking about a lot of energy here.

Maj. John Sheppard: How much is a lot?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well in terms of joules or ergs?

Maj. John Sheppard: In terms of... lots.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Lots... and lots.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [opening his eyes] What happened?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You did it.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I did?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: It went through the Gate.

Major John Sheppard: You must have passed out.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh. Well, thanks for not saying the other thing.

Dr. Rodney McKay: This is a bad idea.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: You said that already.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, it's worth saying again.

Samantha Carter: You think it might be a booby trap?

Teal'c: Booby?

Dr. Rodney McKay: If this thing feeds on energy we could be in big trouble, and when I say we, I mean you because I won't actually be around for much longer.

Jack O'Neill: Teal'c, you don't have to stick around.

Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.

Jack O'Neill: Wild horses, Teal'c.

Corrine: [to Josie] Who did you really kiss, Vaughn or Lucas?

Carson Beckett M. D.: He fainted.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, there's gotta be a better word!

Carson Beckett M. D.: Faint is the proper medical term.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I passed out from... manly hunger.

Major John Sheppard: Well, hang in there.

[He turns his radio on]

Major John Sheppard: Doctor Weir, this is Sheppard. Uh, McKay's OK. He, uh, he fainted.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, yes, very sympathetic! Let's all mock the dying man! Thank you!

Samantha Carter: If Daniel's right, this artifact has been doing this since Neanderthals were still a dominant species on Earth.

Jack O'Neill: Ah, that takes me back.

Major John Sheppard: Listen, Teyla. Uh, don't tell McKay what I said about hockey not being a real man's sport 'cause, uh, it's a Canadian thing, a little touchy about it.

Jay Felger: Something hinky's definitely going on here, and it's up to you and I to find out what it is.

Simon Coombs: 'Hinky'?

Jay Felger: Yeah, it's a word.

Simon Coombs: In what dictionary?

Teal'c: The symbiote I carry appears to protect me.

Jack O'Neill: Way to go, Junior!

[in a scout ship, being questioned by a mothership]

Jacob Carter/Selmak: All right, we're almost finished. Sam's just finishing up.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Uh, that's good, 'cause I don't think they bought my act.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: Why? Who'd you say you were?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: The, uh, Great and Powerful Oz.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: [shouting] Sam!

Carson Beckett M. D.: This may be more serious than I suspected.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Why, thank you! I'm hungry already. What am I going to do? If I don't get this stupid thing off, I'll be dead by the end of the day.

Carson Beckett M. D.: Relax. You can live three or four days without water.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, I'm talking about food!

Carson Beckett M. D.: Well, you found some Ancient text with the device. What did it say about taking it off?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, yeah, there were some explicit instructions which I chose to completely ignore!

Dr. Peter Grodin: Well, some Ancient technology uses a mental component for operation.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Just shut up. I'm thinking.

Dr. Peter Grodin: Is there any chance that the gene therapy isn't permanent?

Carson Beckett M. D.: It's possible.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm a dead man.

Simon Coombs: Oh, come on, Felger. We might as well be wearin' red shirts.

Jay Felger: I don't get that.

Oma Desala: There is really only one thing we can ever truly control.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: What's that?

Oma Desala: Whether we are good or evil.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Hit me.

[Grodin hits him, but a force shield stops him]

Dr. Peter Grodin: Ow, God!

Dr. Rodney McKay: You didn't have to swing so hard, and notice he didn't even hesitate.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.

Major John Sheppard: I shot him. In the leg!

Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm invulnerable!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?

Dr. Rodney McKay: [singing] Invulnerable.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Alright, take it off. Let's go have this meeting.

Dr. Rodney McKay: You're just jealous.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Oh yes, green with envy!

Colonel Jack O'Neill: You've got that look.

Teal'c: To which look are you referring, O'Neill?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: The one that says, "I have misgivings about this mission, but deep down I know we're doing the right thing"?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: No, the other one.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh.

[talking to a dying Daniel Jackson]

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Because despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have... might have, um, grown to admire you, a little. I think.

Jerri Blank: Dr. Trepanning, can you get all the crazy out of my daddy?

Dr. Trepanning: I can't make any promises, Jerri, but I promise I will. I'll use every tool at my disposal: medication, drugs, *and* pills.

Jerri Blank: Well how long will it take?

Dr. Trepanning: What is it, Wednesday? Thirty years.

Jerri Blank: What? I need him by this afternoon!

Dr. Trepanning: Jerri, the brain is a delicate and highly complicated organ. I know, I've taken a few of them apart and every time I put them back together, there's always a few extra parts laying around.

Jerri Blank: Why can't you just drill a hole in his skull to let the demons out?

Dr. Trepanning: [chuckles] Jerri, drilling a hole in the skull to let the demons out is a pretty archaic treatment of mental illness. Today, we sedate the demons until they become addicted, and then we coax them out with a piece of meat. It takes years.

Dr. Peter Grodin: If both codes are properly entered the Naquada generator will overload. It will take thirty seconds.

Lt. Aiden Ford: You sure it'll do enough damage?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Ever seen a 20 kiloton nuclear explosion?

Major John Sheppard: I have.

Major John Sheppard: [everyone stares, he shrugs] Not up close.

Oma Desala: [talking about ascension] Many roads lead to the great path. Only the willing will find their way.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay, well I'm willing. So let's go. I mean, you know, do your thing. Glow me.

Marshall Wheeler: [to Vaughn] Your middle name is Jody?

Dr. Peter Grodin: I'm thinking, Mr. Invincible!

Carson Beckett M. D.: Captain Untouchable!

Dr. Peter Grodin: [both laugh] Ooh, that's good!

Dr. Rodney McKay: You guys done?

Carson Beckett M. D.: I've been working on this gene therapy for months, forgive me for wanting to celebrate the fact that it worked on the first human trial!

Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastic] Oooh, Let's all have a toast!

Major Samantha Carter: Maybe she has some sort of programming that prevents her from acknowledging she's anything but human.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Robot denial?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Looks that way.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Has it occurred to anyone that this thing may have been laying around that planet for quite some time and that maybe it's broken? Or perhaps it never worked right in the first place.

Major Samantha Carter: So you think we should just shut her down?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Oh, I don't know. Let's ask the man who just had his head cracked open.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I don't think she meant to hurt me, I just don't think she liked what I was saying.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: I don't like most of what you say but I try to resist the urge to shove you through a wall.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Well, we were kinda hopin' that you could, um, like, beam them out, or...

Jacob Carter/Selmak: [chuckles] Beam them out? What am I, Scotty?

SG-3 Leader: Colonel, you said to look for anything uncharacteristic of the indigenous technology.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: *I* would never say anything like that, Major.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [to the mouse] Got your eye on anyone?

Carson Beckett M. D.: Umm, not really.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Actually I was talking to the mouse. But now that you mention it, some of those Athosian women are pretty hot, and we DID just save them from the Wraith, so we gotta trade on that while we can. You know, before they discover that we're not actually that cool.

Samantha Carter: [talking about fixing the hyperdrive buffer] It's like a... a light bulb that's burned out. You can't just fix it.

Jack O'Neill: Do we... have any extra bulbs?

Colonel William Ronson: There is no redundancy for that particular system.

Jack O'Neill: So, you're saying there's no redundancy?

[Teal'c who's zoned out by now, looks back at O'Neill at that repetition]

Maj. John Sheppard: It almost smells like I'm on vacation.

Dr. Rodney McKay: [putting on sunscreen lotion] Could it be the simulated tropical aroma of cocoa butter?

Maj. John Sheppard: Strong enough for anyone within five miles to smell you.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Like they haven't been tipped off by the Aqua Velva.

Maj. John Sheppard: It's dark.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, well the sun will be up in 2 hours, 43 minutes and... 10 seconds.

Maj. John Sheppard: It's raining.

Dr. Rodney McKay: So we'll be cold and miserable. Look, the cloud cover will depreciate a small percentage of UV rays but 95 per cent of deadly is still dearly.

Major Lorne: Dr Parrish said a day or two of exposure wasn't going to kill us.

Dr. Rodney McKay: And Dr Parrish has a PhD in what? Right, botany!

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Alright, I'm here two hours early. When did you get here?

Major Samantha Carter: I haven't left yet.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Didn't I order you to get a life?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Have ya looked around?

Monk: I cannot teach you what you already know.

Jack O'Neill: Oh, I don't think I know as much as you think I know.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: How's it going?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh, swell. It's kinda like Goa'uld Mardi Gras here.

The Storyteller: And from that day, our lovers lived peacefully. Babies came to bless them and the sun forever shown. And they kept a statue of the lion, whom they both called the Thought Lion. And they told their children he could come alive in an instant if he wanted to, or if they ever needed him. But the children found that hard to believe.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: You know, we really should come up with a new strategy. One that does *not* include us dying.

Monk: If you immediately know the candle light is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.

Aldwin: Are you interested in Tok'ra engineering?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Oh. Interested doesn't quite describe how I truly feel.

Aldwin: Well, you're welcome to join us.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Thank you Aldwin, but I have to go help Teal'c... wait for Daniel.

Jack O'Neill: [about Apophis] Somebody's gotta teach that guy how to die.

Major Lorne: Wow, you must really be some kind of genius.

Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, as a matter of fact I... eh, wait a minute, why would you say that now?

Major Lorne: Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: The monk is just someone who's sort of taken up a curatorship.

Jack O'Neill: Kind of a janitor?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: More of a guide.

Jack O'Neill: An usher?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: So, how are you gonna get me in?

Jacob Carter/Selmak: Yu will be among the System Lords attending the meeting.

Major Samantha Carter: I thought you said he was going in as a slave.

Jacob Carter/Selmak: The System Lord, Yu.

Major Samantha Carter: Little joke there.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: [dryly] Funny.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: It's always suicide-mission this, save-the-planet that. No one ever just stops by to say 'hi' anymore.

Monk: Lightning flashes, sparks shower, in one blink of your eyes you've mis-seen.

Jack O'Neill: Lightning you say?

Monk: I only know a snowflake cannot exist in a storm of fire.

Jack O'Neill: What?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Jack...

Jack O'Neill: No, I - You know me, I'm a huge fan of subtlety, but that's downright encrypted!

Jerri Blank: Can't you just drill a hole in his head to let the demons out?

Dr. Trepanning: Jerri, that practice is obsolete. These days, we subdue the demons with drugs until they become addicted. Then we draw them out with meat.

Master Bra'tac: I believe he wishes us to take off our boots.

Jack O'Neill: Yeah, look, uh, we've been walking a ways today...

Monk: Your journey is only begun.

Jack O'Neill: Yeah, I'm just sayin', I think I'm doin' us all a big favor by keepin' these babies on.

Master Bra'tac: Two evenings ago, do you remember clearly what you did?

Maz'rai: Bra'tac, I do not remember what I ate yesterday. Very sad, I admit, but proof of nothing other than old age.

Trollop: Come back! My goldies, my silknesses, my di-dies!

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: How'd you resist the brainwashing? I figure I might be in that situation some day, and I don't recon I'm going through the Rite of M'al Sharran.

Teal'c: To resist the influence of others, knowledge of ones self is most important.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Right. Thanks.

[Teal'c leaves]

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, I'm workin' on it.

Samantha Carter: The clue for seven-down is "celestial body" and he wrote Uma Thurman.

Jack O'Neill: Yes.

Tonané: How does it feel to see the wind, Sam?

Major Samantha Carter: What's eight down?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Um...label. With those empty spaces I think the answer is supposed to be identification. Thirteen across is sphere. Jack, this is it.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Now, see I assume we still speak the same language...mostly.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Sphere...planet. Label...name.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Following...still...you...not!

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Praclarush taonas. I...I think you wrote the name of the planet we will find the Lost City in the crossword.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Bit of a jump?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Why else would you do that?

Major Samantha Carter: The clue for seven down is "celestial body" and he wrote Uma Thurman.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes!

Dr. Rodney McKay: What kind of special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission?

Major Lorne: You guys?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, you know... Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. It's a great place to start.

Major Lorne: And by "this mission" you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on Wraith drugs in the pitch black of an alien planet?

Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.

Major Lorne: Actually, I skipped that course in Major School.

Anubis: I am Anubis.

President Hayes: [steps forward] You've got to be kidding!

Anubis: You are the leader of this world?

President Hayes: Henry Hayes, President of the United States of America, one nation among many.

Anubis: No more. Bow before your god.

President Hayes: [laughing] I don't think so! However, I am willing to discuss your surrender.

Anubis: If you possessed weapons matching mine, you would have used them.

President Hayes: Don't let the suit fool you, fella. We're gonna fight.

Anubis: You bring destruction upon yourselves.

President Hayes: [pointedly] Never going to happen.

[the Anubis hologram disappears and President Hayes turns around to face the others]

President Hayes: Too much?

Tonané: She's right there.

Samantha Carter: I can only see a wolf, Tonané. A-A beautiful animal, granted, but not a spirit.

Tonané: You can't see the wind either, Sam, but you know it's there. You can hear it, you can feel it, you can see its effects on the trees. It's the same with the spirits. You see a wolf, but T'akaya is there.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Well, have you got everything you need? I think there's still a sink in the kitchen.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Is that a joke?

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: Perhaps. A bad one.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes, very bad. But I sense hope for you.

Jack O'Neill: Is anyone at the Pentagon, or along the chain of command, remotely concerned about their Aboriginal rights, repeating history, that annoyingly pesky moral stuff?

Principal Onyx Blackman: Are you insane in the membrane?

[a wolf has walked up]

Tonané: T'akaya, my friend. My your coat shines beautifly today.

[the wolf just looks at them]

Tonané: A little flatter couldn't hurt, Sam.

Samantha Carter: [Sarcastically] My, what big eyes you have.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [over the telephone with the president] Prometheus can't win against an entire Goa'uld fleet, but it could buy SG-1 enough time to complete their mission.

Vice President Robert Kinsey: Mr. President, that is downright insane! I am relieving Dr. Wier and taking command of this facility!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: [interrupts] Sir, from what I've looked at...

President Hayes: Will you shut the hell up!

Dr. Elizabeth Weir: I'm sorry, sir.

President Hayes: Not you, Doctor.

Vice President Robert Kinsey: Excuse me?

President Hayes: Consider your resignation accepted, Bob.

Vice President Robert Kinsey: You can't do that!

President Hayes: Oh please! I got enough on you to have ya shot.

Vice President Robert Kinsey: This is the biggest mistake you will ever make.

President Hayes: But I think I'll stick with my original thought which is shut the hell up!

Vice President Robert Kinsey: I promise, you will only live to regret this!

[exits the room]

President Hayes: Go ahead Doctor Weir.

Prisoner 1: Your honor, how can you sleep at night with the beauty singing by your bed?

Prisoner 2: Beloved she calls you, and dearest.

Prisoner 3: You're true bride she cries 'I am your true bride'.

Prince: When do you hear these things?

Prisoner 1, Prisoner 2, Prisoner 3: All the night, all the night.

Major Samantha Carter: [Takes a folded up crossword puzzle from Jack] The fate of the world is hanging in the balance and you've been sitting in your truck finishing this?

Colonel Jack O'Neill: I believe it was double or nothing.

Major Samantha Carter: OK, 23 across, the atomic weight of Boron. The answer is ten.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Yes?

Major Samantha Carter: You wrote the word 'fat.'

Colonel Jack O'Neill: Your point?

Major Samantha Carter: What is this?

Warrick: A complete operations manual for the Seberus. I had it translated for you.

Major Samantha Carter: Thank you.

Colonel Jack O'Neill: That's not our language.

Major Samantha Carter: It's mine, sir.

Jack O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition! Bastard!