Cody Martin: [when Carey comes to the mall] Why did she come in here? She can't afford this stuff! I should know! I do her taxes!

Maddie: [to Emily] Now, Emily, I don't care what your teddy told you to do, but it's not nice to stick crayons down someone's back.

[Sam and Dean sneak into the sorority house where Lori's roommate has been murdered; they see the message scratched on the wall]

Sam Winchester: "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light." That's right out of the legend.

Dean Winchester: Yeah, that's classic Hook-Man all right.

[touching his nose]

Dean Winchester: And it's definitely a spirit.

Sam Winchester: Yeah. I've never smelled ozone this strong before.

Cody Martin: So, we're grounded?

Carey: Grounded in a suite full of video games and TV? No, you're spending the day with me picking my outfit for my acts.

Zack Martin: With shoes?

Carey: Lots and lots of shoes.

Cody Martin, Zack Martin: Noooo!

Sam Winchester: Hey, check this out. 1862, a preacher named Jacob Carnes was arrested for murder. It was like, he was so angry over the red-light district in town that one night he killed thirteen prostitutes. Uh, right here, "some of the deceased were found in their beds, sheets soaked with blood, others suspended upside-down from the limbs of trees as a warning against sins of the flesh."

Dean Winchester: Get this, the murder weapon? Looks like the preacher lost his hand in an accident, had it replaced with a silver hook.

Sam Winchester: Look where all this happened.

Dean Winchester: Nine Mile Road.

Sam Winchester: Same place where the frat boy was killed.

Dean Winchester: Nice job Dr. Venkman. Let's check it out.

Mr. Moseby: Esteban I need you.

Esteban: When I am good and ready!

Mr. Moseby: What did you say?

Esteban: Now I am good and ready!

Sam Winchester: And listen to this, she heard scratching on the roof, found the bloody body suspended upside-down over the car.

Dean Winchester: Bloody body suspended, that sounds like the...

Sam Winchester: Yeah, I know, the Hook-Man legend.

Dean Winchester: That's one of the most famous urban legends ever, you don't think that we're dealing with *the* Hook-Man?

Sam Winchester: Every urban legend has a source. The place where it all began.

Dean Winchester: Yeah, but what about the phantom scratches and the tire punctures, and the invisible killer?

Sam Winchester: Maybe the Hook-Man isn't a man at all, what if it's some kind of spirit?

Esteban: No one calls Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez a thief!

Zack Martin: No one's got the time!

Zack Martin: If you like video games, come over to my place and I'll crush you like the pretty boy you are!

Jesse McCartney: Hey, that's Mr. Pretty Boy to you!

Cody Martin: Hey, Max!

Max: Hey, Cody! Where's Zack?

Zack Martin: I'm Zack! Hey, there, sweet thang!

Max: He hurt himself, didn't he?

Cody Martin: Yep.

Dean Winchester: Man, you've been holding out on me. This college thing is awesome!

Sam Winchester: This wasn't really my experience.

Dean Winchester: Let me guess. Libraries, studying, straight A's?

[Sam nods]

Dean Winchester: What a geek.

Carey: What's wrong with your old bikes? They're still perfectly good.

Zack Martin: Mom, their tricycles.

Dean Winchester: Saved your ass! Talked the sheriff down to a fine, dude, I'm Matlock!

Sam Winchester: But how?

Dean Winchester: Told him you were a dumb-ass pledge and that we were hazing you.

Sam Winchester: What about the shotgun?

Dean Winchester: I said that you were hunting ghosts and the spirits were repelled by rock salt. You know, typical Hell Week prank.

Sam Winchester: And he believed you?

Dean Winchester: Well, you *look* like a dumb-ass pledge.

Cody Martin: What's Mom doing here at the mall?

Zack Martin: I don't know she works like 2 hours a day, she has to spend the rest of her life somewhere.

Zack Martin: Hey, Maddie, I'm recycling. You know why? Because I love this planet almost as much as I love you.

Maddie: [rubs Zack's hair] Good for you.

Zack Martin: She wants me.

Sheriff: Put the gun down now! Now! Put your hands behind your head.

Dean Winchester: W-w-wait, okay, okay!

Sheriff: Now get down on your knees. Come on, do it! On your knees!

[They get down]

Sheriff: Now get down on your bellies. Come on, do it!

Dean Winchester: He had the gun!

Zack Martin: [holds a teddy bear around the corner; talks as the bear] Hi, there, Emily!

Emily: [looks at the bear] Teddy?

Zack Martin: [puts a black market to the bear's face] Come quietly or the bear gets a mustache.

Emily: No!

[runs to the bear, but gets caught by Zack]

Emily: I hate you.

Zack Martin: Get in line.

Officer: We catch you around here again, son, we'll put the fear 'a god in you, understand?

Dean Winchester: Yes sir, fear of God, got it.

Cute Librarian: Here you go. Arrest records, going back to 1851.

Dean Winchester: Thanks.

[to Sam]

Dean Winchester: So, this is how you spent four good years of your life, huh?

Sam Winchester: Welcome to higher education.

Mr. Moseby: [see Maddie's massaging London] What's going on with them?

Esteban: Well, I do not think I just talk about Maddie personal business with her employer, sir.

Mr. Moseby: Don't tell me.

[puts doll on the counter]

Mr. Moseby: Tell the dummy

Esteban: [talk to the dummy] Can you keep a secret?

Mr. Moseby: [as the dummy] My lips are sealed.

Esteban: Good.

Lori Sorenson: Dad... This is Sam and Dean, they're new students.

Dean Winchester: Pleasure to meet you sir. I must say, that was an inspiring sermon.

Reverend Sorenson: Thank you very much. It's so nice to find young people who are so opened to the Lord's message.

Dean Winchester: [ironically] Hm.

Dean Winchester: So you believe her.

Sam Winchester: I do.

Dean Winchester: Yea, I think she's hot too.

Mr. Moseby: Oh, dear, did I just hear you say there's another new Mrs. Tipton?

London Tipton: Ah uh.

Mr. Moseby: I wish I would've known. I would have bought them an extravagant gift, although the warranties on my last two gifts lasted longer than the marriages.

London Tipton: I don't get him anything, he gets me a "Sorry I got married again without telling you" charm for my bracelet. Look, I got five of them now, they're all solid gold.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Oooh, can I try it on?

[London puts the bracelet on Maddie]

Maddie Fitzpatrick: It's kinda heavy.

[Maddie falls over with the weight of the bracelet]

Randall: Maddie, I hurt my finger again. Can you kiss it?

Maddie: Randall, I've already kissed it five times.

Randall: I think I cut my lips.

Maddie: Nice try.

Randall: [to Johnny] She wants me.

[Dean falls on top of Sam as they sneak through a half open window]

Dean Winchester: Oh, sorry!

Sam Winchester: OK, be quiet!

Dean Winchester: Me be quiet? You be quiet!

London: See, I can be a regular person.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Hey, regular person, you want a snack.

London: Sure.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Sal, send up some peanuts.

London: and caviar.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Regular person?

London: Yo, caviar.

Cody Martin: Let's start off with something simpler... cereal.

London: Ok. I can handle that. Wait, what goes first the milk or the cereal?

Zack Martin: Doesn't matter as long as you remember the bowl.

Zack Martin: I'm not going to let you throw this away. We've put too much in to it.

Cody Martin: And by "we" you mean "me". I'm the one wearing a dress.

Zack Martin: And you've never looked better.

Dean Winchester: Your, uh, half-caff double vanilla latte is getting cold over here, Francis.

Sam Winchester: Bite me.

London: [tries to open fridge] Your fridge is broken.

Cody Martin: Other side.

London: [opens fridge] Fixed it.

Cody Martin: I'm confused. I thought you hated cheese.

Zack Martin: Yeah, but you love cheese.

Cody Martin: Oh.

London: Oh, they're already in little slices. Cooking is easy.

Cody Martin: So if I'm Zack and I don't eat cheese, does that mean you're the one that likes ham?

Zack Martin: No, we both like ham.

Cody Martin: Then who likes liverwurst?

Zack Martin: No one.

Cody Martin: Then why do they make it?

Tia: [during yoga class] Let's start with a Bhastrika breathing technique.

London: [laughs] Where'd you get that? The back of a cereal box?

[laughs again]

Tia: Excuse me?

London: Well, it's just when I was taught yoga, the right way, we always began with a Bhramari breathing technique.

Tia: I'll have you know I have been teaching yoga for twenty years.

London: [coughs] Badly!

Sheriff: [disbelieving] And you saw him too, the man with the hook.

Dean Winchester: Yes, I told you, we all saw him. We fought him off, and then he ran.

Sheriff: And that's all.

Dean Winchester: Yeah, that's all!

[pause]

Sheriff: Listen, you and your brother...

Dean Winchester: [exasperated] Oh, don't worry, we're leavin' town.

Maddie: London, money can't buy you friends. You make friends by being nice to people.

London: But that seems harder.

Maddie: No, no, no, no. It's really easy to say nice things to people. Watch. London, you are, uh...

London: Yes?

Maddie: This is hard. Oh, wait, got one. Deep down, I suspect you're a good person.

London: Aww, thank you.

Maddie: Uh, you're supposed to say something nice back.

London: Well, I said thank you.

Maddie: You're welcome.

Missouri Moseley: Is that an EMF?

Dean Winchester: Yeah.

Missouri Moseley: Amateur!

Sgt. Shirley Marsh: Where are we, Johnny?

Lt. Johnny Quayle: I don't know. Somewhere between Australia and one of the Americas - probably South.

Corrie: I love this one!

Mary-Margaret: It's gibberish

Corrie: Wait, I thought it was Finnish?

Maddie: [after being punished for something London did] That is cruel and unusual punishment.

Sister Dominick: No, reading your Svetlana story was. "Gently froze to death." Give me a break!

Missouri Moseley: Boy, you put your foot on my coffee table, I'm 'a whack you with a spoon!

Dean Winchester: I didn't do anything!

Missouri Moseley: Well you were thinkin' about it!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: [to Zeke] Open the door!

Zeke: I'm too big a loser to open the door.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: That doesn't even make sense.

Zeke: I'm too big a loser to make sense.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Oh shut up!

Zeke: I'm too big a loser to...

[Maddie slams the door, scaring Zeke and makes him pull down the window cover]

Corrie: London Tipton's undercover!

London: London Tipton's gonna smack you silly if you don't shut up!

London: Do you promise not to tell?

Maddie: I promise. Or may the evil Fitzpatrick leprechaun steal me away in the night!

London: You believe in "evil" leprechauns?

Maddie: They're not all nice you know!

[first lines]

[Sergeant Marsh is desperately sending out a distress call]

Lt. Johnny Quayle: No luck?

Sgt. Shirley Marsh: None.

Lt. Johnny Quayle: Keep trying!

Sgt. Shirley Marsh: Why?

Lt. Johnny Quayle: Something may happen.

Missouri Moseley: [to Jenny] Don't you worry, Dean's gonna clean up this mess.

[looks at Dean]

Missouri Moseley: Well what're you waitin' for, boy? Get the mop!

[reading his mind]

Missouri Moseley: And don't cuss at me!

Zack Martin: Times up Bob. Please come again

Bob: Okay, Well I did find out that the blonde likes boys who are honest, sincere, and trustworthy.

Zack Martin: Great, if you ever date her, be sure to tell her that you first spotted her through a hole in the walll

Bob: Maybe I'll leave that part out

Cody Martin: London drives?

Zack Martin: Yeah, but not very fast. That's why it took us five hours to get here.

Cody Miller: Fishbaum is right there.

Emily Roberts: I don't wanna kiss him.

Missouri Moseley: Well, let me look at you. Haha, ooh, you boys grew up handsome.

[laughs, looks at Dean]

Missouri Moseley: And you were one goofy-lookin' kid, too.

[Sam grins widely, amused]

Missouri Moseley: Sam.

[she takes Sam's hand, her tone turns sympathetic]

Missouri Moseley: Oh, honey. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. And your father. He's missin'?

Sam Winchester: How'd you know all that?

Missouri Moseley: Well, you were just thinkin' it, just now.

Dean Winchester: Well, where is he, is he okay?

Missouri Moseley: I don't know.

Dean Winchester: Don't know? You're supposed to be a psychic, right?

Missouri Moseley: [irritated] Boy, you see me sawin' some bony tramp in half? You think I'm a magician? I may be able to read thoughts and sense energies in a room but I can't just pull facts outta thin air!

Zack Martin: The red-headed goalie is mine. Keep your eyes off her

Cody Martin: You can have have her. I like the mid-fielder who's reading. Would you read cody-wody a bedtime story? I knew that you would

Arwin: [singing after being ordered to burn furniture] Joy to the World / Let's burn some chairs.

Dr. Dana Stowe: [Lu just saw Dana half naked in her office with Peter] Lu I can explain.

Dr. Luisa 'Lu' Delgado: I don't wanna know.

Dr. Dana Stowe: I'm trying to get pregnant.

Dr. Luisa 'Lu' Delgado: Well then you had the wrong half naked.

[on the phone]

Dean Winchester: Dad? I know I've left you messages before. I don't even know if you get 'em... But, I'm with Sam. And we're in Lawrence, and there's something in our old house. I don't know if it's the thing that killed mom or not. But, I don't know what to do... So whatever you're doing, if you could get here... Please. I need your help Dad.

London: [after Maddie throws a crumpled-up piece of paper at Sister Dominic] Ooh, somebody's in trouble!

Sister Dominick: No, TWO somebodies are in trouble.

London: Oh! Who?

[points to Corrie]

London: The creepy, weird girl?

Sister Dominick: No, the rich, spoiled hotel heiress.

London: Is Paris Hilton in this class?

[repeated line]

Zack Martin, Cody Martin, Carey, Mr. Moseby, London, Maddie: WHAT!

Eve Morton: You should have told us that your lady friend is white.

Dr. Andy Campbell: [awkward silence] I brought a pie.

Soccer Player #1: You know what really makes me melt? A good poke in the eye!

[Zack, Cody, Bob and Warren are all poked in the eye]

Sairie: Mom? Ask them if it was here when they lived here.

[pause, Jenny looks at the brothers]

Sam Winchester: What, Sairie?

Sairie: The thing in my closet.

Jenny: Oh no, baby, there's nothing in their closets.

[to Sam and Dean]

Jenny: Right?

Sam Winchester: Right. No. No, of course not.

Jenny: She had a nightmare the other night.

Sairie: I wasn't dreaming! It came into my bedroom. And it was on fire!

[cut to Dean and Sam walking out of the house]

Sam Winchester: [agitated] You hear that? A figure on fire!

Dean Winchester: And that woman, Jenny, that was the woman in your dreams?

Sam Winchester: Yeah! And you hear what she was talking about? Scratching, flickering lights, both signs of a malevolent spirit!

Dean Winchester: Yeah well, I'm just freaked out that your weirdo visions are comin' true.

London Tipton: I looked out my window and saw this big, glowing disc in the sky!

Cody Martin: That's called the moon.

London Tipton: I knew that! And during the day, it's called the sun.

[walks off]

Dr. Luisa 'Lu' Delgado: Your subject is a rat?

Dr. Dylan West: They prefer "Rodent-Americans."

Carey Martin: I thought I taught you to have more respect towards women.

Zack Martin: You did! But those weekends with Dad...

Carey Martin: Enough!

London: Somebody's in trouble!

Corrie: [Mimics London] Yeah Somebody's in trouble

Sister Dominick: Actually, two somebody's!

London: Who who? The creepy weird girl

Corrie: [Corrie throws London a shocked look]

Sister Dominick: No, the spoiled hotel heiress!

London: Is Paris Hilton in this class?

Sister Dominick: No, I'm talking about you. You and your friend Maddie just bought yourselves two hours of detention

Maddie Fitzpatrick: But I've never gotten a detention in my entire life?

London: Me either!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: That's because you never go to school!

London: And now you know why! Thanks to you, Mary-Margaret and I can't go to the fashion show. I hate you

Mary-Margaret: You were gonna take me?

London: Yeah

Mary-Margaret: I hate you too!

Sam Winchester: Look Dean... I dreamt about Jessica's death. For days before it happened.

Dean Winchester: Sam, people have weird dreams, man. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

Sam Winchester: [increasingly agitated] No, I dreamt about the blood dripping, her on the ceiling, the fire, everything, and I didn't do anything about it because I didn't believe it, and now I'm dreaming about that tree, about our house and about some woman inside screaming for help, I mean, that's where it all started, man! This has to mean something, right?

Dean Winchester: [freaked] I don't know.

Sam Winchester: You don't... what do you mean you don't know, Dean? This, this woman might be in danger! I mean this might even be the thing that killed Mom and Jessica!

Dean Winchester: All right, just slow down, would ya? I mean, first you tell me you've got 'The Shining' and then you tell me that I've got to go back home? Especially when...

Sam Winchester: When what?

Dean Winchester: When I swore to myself that I would never go back there?

Sam Winchester: Look. Dean, we have to check this out. Just to make sure.

[pause, Dean nods]

Dean Winchester: I know we do.

Prince Sanjei: I will summon them!

[claps]

Prince Sanjei: You may aproach me!

[girls leave]

Hoop: Stroker and Hoop, back in action, going down on you!

Areola: [revealing her hypnotic breasts] Look into my nipples look into my nipples not AROUND the nipples but IN the nipples, good...

John Strockmeyer: Don't look at her - breasts, Hoop! She can't hypnotize us if we don't look...

Areola: Look! Look at them bouncing, you like it, look at them jiggling, you love it! You can't not look!

John Strockmeyer: Yes... I can! Shake 'em all day for I care!

Areola: Perky brea-ests! You love 'em!

John Strockmeyer: No, it's over! Once we land, we're calling the cops and bringin'... you two... to justice!

John Strockmeyer: [cuts to Stroke at home in bed, in his underwear; he's obviously failed to resist] Aw, crap! Damn it!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Your a painen in my flugen

[walks away angrily]

London: Love you too!

[after damaging a wall]

Cody Martin: Oh, no. What's Mr. Moseby going to say?

Mr. Moseby: Well, I don't know. Let's ask him.

Dean Winchester: Trust you? C'mon man, that's weak, you gotta give me a little bit more than that.

Sam Winchester: I can't... really explain it, is all.

Dean Winchester: Well tough! I'm not goin' anywhere until you do!

[pause]

Sam Winchester: I have these nightmares.

Dean Winchester: [nods] I've noticed...

Sam Winchester: And sometimes... they come true.

[a beat]

Dean Winchester: Come again?

London: [pulls Maddie up to show Moseby the school uniform] You mean I have to wear plaid three times a week?

Mr. Moseby: School is five days a week.

Mr. Moseby: [both London and Maddie burst into tears] Glad to see your bonding.

Zack Martin: Why don't you bake me cookies whenever I get a C?

Carey Martin: There's not enough dough in the world

Zack Martin: Well it's true!

Herself - Contestant: [Cole slaps her butt] Does he always slap people on the ass!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Now I'm not even going to get into Big Al's Beauty School

London: Not with that hair!

[they pull up outside their old house]

Sam Winchester: You gonna be all right, man?

Dean Winchester: Let me get back to you on that.

Corrie: I can't believe London Tipton is in our English class!

London Tipton: Maddie, if an alien were really cute, would you date him?

Maddie Fitzpatrick: No. I don't belive in long-distance relationships. Would you?

London Tipton: Yeah. If his spaceship was a convertable.

Inspector Steve Keller: Roy, it's been an hour and a half since Mike and I split up. Now I...

Lt. Roy Devitt, SFPD: You're talkin' about maybe the most experienced guy in the department.

Inspector Steve Keller: I'm just talking about my partner, a guy I know better than anybody. A guy who would not wander around without checking in and leaving a 10-7.

Sam Winchester: I know where we have to go next.

Dean Winchester: Where?

Sam Winchester: Back home, back to Kansas.

Dean Winchester: OK random, where'd that come from?

London: [about Corrie, who seems to be obsessed with London] She scares me!

Zack Martin: I've got a plan!

Angela Barberio: [Discussing the Cobra streetgang] They were like a lot of the boys. The traditions are breaking down. They live on the streets.

George Barberio: I tried to help them at first. Maybe I was wrong. I gave them groceries, or a couple bucks.

Angela Barberio: They took advantage. It just got out of hand.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: It happens, Mrs. Barberio.

Mr. Moseby: London, I have a message from your father. He is outraged your poor attendance record at school.

London: How'd he find out?

Mr. Moseby: He went to your school open house, and they've never heard of you.

[Dean reads stories from the news, Sam is sketching a tree in a notepad]

Dean Winchester: All right, I been cruisin' some websites, think I found a few candidates for our next gig. A fishing trawler found off the coast of Cali, its crew vanished. And uh, got some cattle mutilations in west Texas...

[notices that Sam doesn't seem to be listening]

Dean Winchester: Hey! Am I boring you with this "hunting evil" stuff?

Sam Winchester: No, I'm listening. Keep goin'.

Dean Winchester: And here, a Sacramento man shot himself in the head... three times.

[holds up three fingers, starts waving at Sam]

Dean Winchester: Any of these things blowing up your skirt pal?

Cody Martin: [praying and staring to the ceiling] Forgive him Great Kanish. He's lost his lentils.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: [Admiring a Mattisse print on Gilliam's wall] It's framed beautifully. Yeah, they all are.

Amory Gilliam: I have them custom-made to complement each particular piece.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: Who does the work for you?

Amory Gilliam: Various people. But why do you ask, Lieutenant? Are you planning on having someone framed?

Bev: Miss Carey, how would you like to do a song duet with Mr. Tim?

Tim: When pigs fly.

Carey Martin: [to Tim] You fly?

Cody Martin: I'm going to go speak the language of love with MY girlfriend.

Zack Martin: [sarcastically] Darn you, DARN YOU TO HECK!

Sam Winchester: Where is he? Where's Dean?

Shapeshifter: I wouldn't worry about him, I'd worry about you.

Sam Winchester: Where is he?

Shapeshifter: You don't really want to know. I swear the more I learn about you and your family... I thought I came from a bad background.

Sam Winchester: What do you mean "learn"?

[pause, the shifter concentrates, drawing on Dean's mind]

Shapeshifter: He's sure got issues with you. You got to go to college, he had to stay home. I mean, *I* had to stay home. With Dad. You don't think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

Sam Winchester: [quiet, threatening] Where... is my brother?

Shapeshifter: I'm your brother. See deep down, I'm just jealous. You got friends, you could have a life. Me? I *know* I'm a freak. And sooner or later everybody's gonna leave me.

Sam Winchester: What're you talking about?

Shapeshifter: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to and he ditched me too. No explanation, nothing, just... left me with your sorry ass.

Cody Martin: I can't believe I thought that a girl could be more useful than a bike!

Zack Martin: It's ok, buddy, we all make mistakes.

Cody Martin: Well, I'm never making that mistake again! From now on, it's just you and me.

Zack Martin: Hey ladies! Didn't I see you on the cover of I Like Blonde Guys magazine?

[girls leave]

Prince Sanjei: If you were a snake charmer, you'd be dead!

[laughs]

Amory Gilliam: We belong, Kim, together. Here or some place like this. Have you ever been to the Tower?

Toni Craig: What tower?

Amory Gilliam: Robinson Jeffers' tower. Down the coast, south of here, near Big Sur. It's a fortress against the world.

Toni Craig: Who is he?

Amory Gilliam: A poet.

Toni Craig: And he built his own home?

Amory Gilliam: Yes. With his own hands. Stone by stone.

Toni Craig: What does he write about?

Amory Gilliam: The sea. Nature. Man's failure. Violence. Wildness. The power of passion. Love.

Toni Craig: I'd like to read him some day.

Amory Gilliam: I intend for you to.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: I promised Sister Dominic, Mr. Moesby, and God, that I would look after you, and right now I'm not sure who I'm more scared of!

Sam Winchester: Don't move! What have you done with him?

Shapeshifter: Dude, chill. It's me, alright?

Sam Winchester: No, I don't think so. Where's my brother?

Shapeshifter: You're 'bout to shoot him. Sam, calm down.

Sam Winchester: You grabbed the keys with your *left*, your shoulder was hurt.

Shapeshifter: Yeah, it's better. What do you want me to do? Cry?

Zack Martin: I consider you more like a friend.

Carey Martin: And friends don't give friends their allowances.

Record Clerk: [Discussing McFee's transfer from Chino to San Quentin] They sent him to us to straighten him out. How do you unkink a corkscrew?

Sam Winchester: We gotta find a phone, call the police.

Dean Winchester: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You gonna put a APB out on *me*.

Rebecca: [to Cody] You're just in time! We're playing "What do you want to be when you grow up"!

Brianna: Okay, me next.

[poses on a chair]

Brianna: A supermodel.

Rebecca: Tyreesha, What do you wanna be?

Cody Martin: I wanna be a hockey player.

[contestants stare]

Cody Martin: [in a girlish voice] Or a princess. Which ever pays better.

[all giggle]

Mr. Woodburn: Remember, this counts towards one third of your final grade.

Cody Martin: [shrieks]

Zack Martin: Would you relax? You're gonna do fine.

Bob: No, he won't. He's hopeless.

Zack Martin: Not helping!

Bob: Not lying!

Inspector Steve Keller: [In response to Stone implying that because of work he'll cancel his planned Hawaiian vacation] You know you really are a character. You don't trust anybody with your city, do ya?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: My city? What are you talkin' about, "my city"?

Inspector Steve Keller: You know what I'm talking about; it's the truth. You don't take ten minutes for lunch, how are you gonna go take ten days sittin' under a tree?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: I'll tell you what I'm gonna take - I'm gonna take you apart in just ten seconds!

Inspector Steve Keller: All right, Lieutenant, that's it.

[Pulls a card from his billfold and reads from it]

Inspector Steve Keller: You have the right to remain silent...

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: Oh, c'mon! OUT!

Sam Winchester: I got this email from this girl Rebecca Warren, one of those friends of mine.

Dean Winchester: Is she hot?

Sam Winchester: I went to school with her and her brother Zack. She says Zack's been charged with murder. He's been arrested for killing his girlfriend and Rebecca says he didn't do it but sounds like the cops got a pretty good case.

Dean Winchester: Dude, what kind of people were you hanging out with?

Arwin: Mother was giving me a pep talk from the side lines.

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: [after spotting Angus Ferguson in a passing Winnebago] Gypsies, buddy-boy. Modern-day Gypsies. The Fergusons... They're like locusts. They pick a town and they pick it clean.

Inspector Steve Keller: Bunco, huh?

Detective Lt. Mike Stone: Yeah. None better.

[seeing that Sam is not listening to him]

Dean Winchester: Sam wears women's underwear.