Zack Martin: What rhymes with orange?
Max: Nothing! Everyone knows nothing rhymes with orange!
Tapeworm: Oh yea what about... phnaorange
Max: Thank you, Dr.Suess.
Maddie: When did you start becoming so interested in school?
Zack Martin: When you said you wanted someone smart.
Maddie: Stop making Jeff think you're fabulous. I want him to think *I'm* fabulous.
London: Is he rich?
Maddie: No, but he's sweet, kind, smart and funny.
London: Ew, loser, you can have him.
Zack Martin: [excited, to Cody] Did you hear that? Maddy wants me to go to the prom with her! I better practice my kissing.
Cody Martin: [to Zack] Don't look at me!
Anne Carmody: All right, where's my surprise?
Jericho Dooley: I'll give it to you, but you gotta close your eyes, turn around and put your hands behind your back.
Anne Carmody: Close my eyes and put my hands behind me.
[Jennifer complies and Jericho quickly snaps a set of handcuffs on her wrists]
Anne Carmody: Jericho, what kind of surprise is this? Jericho, what are you doing! Well, this is the finest surprise I've ever had.
[Jericho ties a gag over Anne's mouth]
Jericho Dooley: Miss Annie, right behind the wagon. Now sit right up there, Miss Annie, right up there. Don't you worry now, Miss Annie - this is all for your own good.
Sugar: Hello, are you listenin'?
Sugar: It's perverted!
Kim: What is?
Sugar: Daz! With a fourteen year-old! Geez. Just 'cause you a pussy-lover don't make you deaf as well, does it?
Det. Chief Supt. Maynon: You had three cars, twenty men, a tip-off and a bloody camera-man, and you *still* lost £35,000! You'd better find that money, Jack, and all of it.
Tara Williams: I have a bone to pick with you mister. It seems that you have been cheating on me. With one of my friends no less.
Sue Thomas: You talked to Janet.
Tara Williams: Any chance we can make this up. Or do I have to file for a divorce?
Jack Hudson: Now that you had your fun. Is there any chance that we can keep this on the downlow?
Bobby Manning: What? Keep the tabloid of the century off the airway? Actually we have a nice little office pool going. I say that Sparky and Tara calm the storm and stay together.
Dimitrius Gans: But the smart money is on Sue the homewrecker landing her man.
Lucy Dotson: What did I miss? What are you guys talking about?
Bobby Manning: Jack and Sue making out in Dragon lady's office at Callaghan and Merced.
Lucy Dotson: WHAT?
Jack Hudson: We weren't making out.
Dimitrius Gans: You want to go under oath and say that. We have a reliable witness.
Sue Thomas: It was apart of the undercover.
Lucy Dotson: So you were making out?
Jack Hudson: We weren't making out.
Bobby Manning: What exactly was it?
[talking about Biggleswade who has stolen money to pay for his daughter's medical treatment]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: He's just another bastard, but with some bottle.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Yeah, I know. But I can't help taking my hat off to him.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: If he'd have had a gun that day, he'd have taken your hat off - and your head with it!
Jack Hudson: Ok, here's one we should know. What do you like about me. Feel free to go into detail.
Sue Thomas: I don't think we need to know that. Even if we did, I don't think we would have enough time.
Jack Hudson: You mean for you to go into detail about all the things you like about me?
Sue Thomas: No, for me to come up with one.
Jack Hudson: Oh, OK!
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: I am utterly and abjectly pissed-off with this little lot. I've given the best years of my life to the job. I've got eighteen bloody commendations, if you include the one I *didn't* get yesterday. And how does this "wonderful" police force show its gratitude for all my years of unstinting effort? It bangs me up in a crummy little cell like some cheap little villain - all because a toerag called Hutchinson's got a few bottles twitching on the Fifth Floor. Now, because that poor little bastard had the guts to get off his arse, I'm going to have to be reinstated. And what do you bunch of bleeding double-dyed hypocrits want now? You want me to crawl back to work and be terribly grateful that I didn't get nicked for something I didn't do. Well you can stuff it!
[walks away in disgust]
[Last lines of the final episode, as Regan disappears in a taxi, vowing to quit the force]
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: He'll be back. He needs the job like an alcoholic needs booze.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: [sarcastically] Yeah?
[Carter and Alison's final conversation in the park before she is killed in a hit-and-run accident. Carter shows Alison a brown paper bag]
Alison Carter: What are they?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Lychees.
Alison Carter: You're joking!
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Titter ye not, Madam.
[Alison grabs the bag excitedly and then looks disappointed as she peers in it]
Alison Carter: There's only five.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: I'm only a sergeant.
Alison Carter: What d'you do with them?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: [fake French accent] Well first you peel them, you see, and then you throw them away.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: [normal voice] What d'you think you do? You eat them!
Alison Carter: They're like king-size grapes.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: No wonder the Chinese are so thin!
Det. Sgt. George Carter: They always remind me of fingers I saw once in the mortuary - after the quacks had peeled off the skins to reconstruct the prints.
[Following a tip-off, Regan and Carter have just spent a freezing night waiting for a robbery to take place in Sudbury, north west London, only to learn that it actually happened in Sunbury, south west London]
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: Just one letter out - or about eighteen miles as the crow flies.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Stupid pratt.
Det. Chief Insp. Frank Haskins: Your snout either needs elocution lessons or his ears syringing.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: With sulphuric acid!
[backstage at the club where Morecambe and Wise are performing, a troupe of scantily-clad dancing girls walk past Regan and Carter]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: [muttering lecherously, as each girl passes] I would. I would. I would.
[at the end of the line is a small, ugly, bandy-legged man]
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: [muttering] I wouldn't.
Sue Thomas: is it bad?
Jack Hudson: it only hurts when i
Jack Hudson: [stands up]
Jack Hudson: move
Sue Thomas: you know i was serious when i said some people think brains are really more attractive then muscles
Jack Hudson: oh wow... what if a person has both?
Sue Thomas: then they'd be quite a catch, wouldn't they?
Jack Hudson: what are you looking at?
Jack Hudson: [jack tells levi]
Jack Hudson: i am quite a catch
DS Davy Freeth: Where I come from, we don't batter down doors without a warrant.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Where you come from, they batter everything from fried fish to their bleeding grandmothers.
Jack Hudson: So unless you want to go before a jury with this scientific evidence, why don't you just agree to allow me to buy you a new rooster? And I will send each chicken a leter of condolances with my sincere appologies.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: There's only been a break-in at Windsor Castle.
Det. Sgt. George Carter: They haven't nicked the corgis?
[Regan, Carter and Freeth break into a flat. It seems that there is no-one home. Carter calls from another room]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: They left without making the bed. The reason could be there's a dead man in it.
[DS Freeth gives DS Carter some warrants to arrest violent criminals]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: Assault with a deadly weapon, GBH, attempted murder. What are they? Rangers supporters?
[watching DS Freeth arrive off the train from Glasgow]
Det. Sgt. George Carter: What's he carrying? What's that in his hand?
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: It's his breakfast, innit?
Det. Sgt. George Carter: I thought they ate porridge.
Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Well they used to - until they discovered that it was healthy.
Sam Winchester: Ah, my life was so simple. Just, school. Exams. Papers on polycentric cultural norms.
Dean Winchester: So I guess I saved you from a boring existence.
Sam Winchester: Yeah, occasionally I miss boring.
Dean Winchester: All right, so this killer truck...
Sam Winchester: [laughing] I miss conversations that didn't start with "this killer truck"!
Dean Winchester: I'll tell you another thing if you screwed up my car, I'll kill you.
Sam Winchester: You can't kill me. I'm not unfaithful, I've never been.
The Woman in White: You will be.
Dean Winchester: Well that is exactly the kind of crack police work I'd expect out of you.
[Sam stands on Dean's foot, then they walk away]
Dean Winchester: Son of a...
Sam Winchester: [Dean smacks Sam over the head] Ow, what was that?
Dean Winchester: Why you got to step on my foot?
Sam Winchester: Why you got to talk to police like that?
Jessica: [asking about John] Your brother said he was on some kind of hunting trip?
Sam Winchester: Oh, yeah, he's just deer hunting up at the cabin. He's probably got Jim, Jack and José along with him. We're just gonna go bring him back.
Deputy: So, fake US Marshall, fake credit cards. You got anything that's real?
Dean Winchester: My boobs...
Deputy: [slamming Dean on the hood of his car] You have the right to remain silent...
[1983: Mary Winchester is engulfed by fire on the ceiling of Sam's nursery; John picks baby Sam up and runs into the hall, handing him to young Dean]
John Winchester: Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back! Now Dean! Go!
[Dean runs outside with Sam as John tries to go back for Mary]
John Winchester: Mary! No!
[the fire spreads; outside, Dean looks up to see it flickering in the upstairs window]
Young Dean: It's okay, Sammy.
John Winchester: I gotcha.
[John scoops them both up and runs; the windows explode]
Dean Winchester: Nice work, Sammy.
Sam Winchester: Yeah, wish I could say the same thing about you. What were you thinking shooting Casper in the face, you freak!
Dean Winchester: Hey, saved your ass!
Sheriff: Boy, you are officially a suspect.
Dean Winchester: That makes sense, 'cause when the first one went missing in '82, I was three.
Sam Winchester: So what's the theory?
Deputy: Honestly? We don't know. Serial murder, kidnapping ring.
Dean Winchester: Well, that is exactly the kinda crack police work I'd expect outta you guys.
Sam Winchester: When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45!
Dean Winchester: Well, what was he supposed to do?
Sam Winchester: I was *nine* years old! He was supposed to say "don't be afraid of the dark!"
Dean Winchester: Don't be afraid of the dark? What are you, kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark. You know what's out there!
[Dean drags himself from the river]
Sam Winchester: Dean, hey are you all right?
Dean Winchester: I'm super.
Sam Winchester: I swear man, you *gotta* update your cassette tape collection.
Dean Winchester: Why?
Sam Winchester: Well for one, they're *cassette tapes*. And two, Black Sabbath? Motorhead? Metallica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
Dean Winchester: House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.
Sam Winchester: Y'know, "Sammy" is a chubby 12 year old. It's Sam okay.
Dean Winchester: Sorry, I can't hear you. The music's too loud.
Jessica: Just, let me put something on.
Dean Winchester: No, no, no... I wouldn't dream of it. Seriously.
Sam Winchester: Dean, what the hell are you doing here?
Dean Winchester: I *was* looking for a beer.
Sam Winchester: What the *hell* are you doing here?
Sam Winchester: Okay, all right. We gotta talk.
Sam Winchester: Ah... the *phone*?
Dean Winchester: If I'da called you would you have picked up?
Dean Winchester: Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you've done?
Sam Winchester: No. And she's not ever *going* to know.
Dean Winchester: Well that's healthy!
Sam Winchester: Hey Dean... what I said earlier, about mom and dad, I'm sorry...
Dean Winchester: [raises hand to stop Sam] No chick flick moments.
Sam Winchester: Alright... jerk.
Dean Winchester: Bitch.
Sam Winchester: [listening to a message from John] You know there's EVP on that?
Dean Winchester: Not bad, Sammy. Kinda like riding a bike, isn't it? All right, I slowed the message down, ran it through a gold wave, took out the hiss and this is what I got.
[he plays another recording]
The Woman in White: [ghostly whisper] I can never... go... home...
Sam Winchester: Never go home...
Dean Winchester: [to Jessica] Anyway, I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business, but uh, nice meetin' you.
Sam Winchester: No. No, whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of her.
Dean Winchester: Okay. Uhm, Dad hasn't been home in a few days.
Sam Winchester: So he's working overtime on a Miller time shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later.
Dean Winchester: [meaningfully] Dad's on a *hunting* trip... and he hasn't been home in a few days.
Sam Winchester: Jess, excuse us. We have to go outside.
Dean Winchester: You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're gonna have to face up to who you really are.
Sam Winchester: And who's that?
Dean Winchester: You're one of us.
Sam Winchester: No, I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life.
Dean Winchester: Well, you have a responsibility.
Sam Winchester: To Dad? And his crusade? If it weren't for pictures, I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like. And what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom's gone. And she isn't coming back.
Dean Winchester: [slams Sam into bridge] Don't talk about her like that.
Sam Winchester: So how'd you pay for that stuff? You and Dad still running credit card scams?
Dean Winchester: Yeah, well. Hunting ain't exactly a pro-ball career. Besides, all we do is apply. It's not our fault they send us the cards.
Sam Winchester: Yeah? And what names did you write on the application this time?
Dean Winchester: Uh... Burt Aframian... and his son, Hector. Scored two cards out of the deal.
Sam Winchester: [throwing things into the trunk of the Impala] We got work to do.
Dean Winchester: We talking, like misdemeanor kind of trouble or "squeal-like-a-pig" trouble?
Warehouse employee: "Poltergeist"? Man, I loved that movie!
Jerry Panowski: Hey, nobody's talkin' to you. Keep walkin'.
Dean Winchester: Come on, that can't be normal!
Sam Winchester: Hey, hey, it's just a little turbulence.
Dean Winchester: Sam, this plane is going to crash, OK? So quit treating me like I'm friggin' four!
Sam Winchester: [calmly] You need to calm down.
Dean Winchester: Well, I'm sorry I can't!
Sam Winchester: [More calmly] Yes, you can.
Dean Winchester: Dude, stow the touchy-feely, self-help-yoga crap. It's not helping!
Sam Winchester: [sternly] Dean, you're panicked, you're wide open to demonic possession so you *need* to calm yourself down, right now.
Dean Winchester: All right, this is going to sound nuts, but we just don't have time for the whole "The Truth Is Out There" speech right now...
Sam Winchester: [whilst Dean is sleeping, slams door and walks in, coffee in hand] Mornin', sunshine.
Dean Winchester: [groans] What time is it?
Sam Winchester: Oh, it's about 5: 45.
Dean Winchester: In the morning?
Sam Winchester: Yep.
Dean Winchester: Where does the day go?
[Sam finds the black altar with Dean's picture on it, his face crossed out in blood]
Sue Ann Grange: I gave your brother life, and I can take it away.
[Sam destroys the altar; Sue Ann traps him in the cellar]
Sue Ann Grange: Sam, can't you see? The Lord chose me! To reward the just and punish the wicked! And your brother is wicked, and he deserves to die just as Layla deserves to live! It's God's will. Goodbye, Sam.
[She leaves; Sam takes a piece of wood and uses it to punch out a window; cut to Roy about to heal Layla]
Rev. Roy Le Grange: Mrs. Rourke, pray with me now. Pray with me friends.
[cut to Dean in the parking lot; the lights go out around him, the reaper appears]
Rev. Roy Le Grange: All right now, all right now...
[Sue Ann chants, holding her cross, the reaper takes hold of Dean; Sam appears, snatches the cross from Sue Ann and smashes it]
Sue Ann Grange: No! Oh!
[the reaper releases Dean]
Rev. Roy Le Grange: [stopping] I don't understand.
Layla Rourke: I don't feel different.
[outside, Sue Ann falls to her knees before the broken cross]
Sue Ann Grange: My God! What have you done?
Sam Winchester: He's not your God.
Layla Rourke: Reverend?
Rev. Roy Le Grange: Sue Ann?
[the reaper appears to Sue Ann, grinning maliciously; she tries to run, but the reaper takes her]
Sam Winchester: So every year about this time, anybody in Oasis Plains is in danger. Larry built his neighborhood on cursed land.
Dean Winchester: And on the sixth night, that's tonight!
Sam Winchester: If we don't do something, Larry's family will be dead by sunrise. So how do we break the curse?
Dean Winchester: You don't break a curse. You get out of its way. We gotta get those people out, now.
[Esteban, London, Maddie, Zack, and Cody are seated around a table, trying to summon a ghost]
Esteban: [chanting] Ghostie...
Esteban: if I may call you that...
Esteban: ...speak to us.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: You are...
Esteban: Maddie is channeling the spirit.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: ...dopes!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: You guys are so gullible!
[about her forbidden boyfriend Todd]
London: Wait, I want to give him something! Quick, what's romantical?
Maddie: A lock of your hair.
[gives Maddie her entire pony-tail of hair extensions]
Maddie: [to Zack and Cody] If you're going to help, don't act like children in front of the children!
Dean Winchester: Okay then, we stop Roy.
Sam Winchester: How?
Dean Winchester: You know how.
Sam Winchester: Wait, what the hell are you talkin' about Dean, we can't *kill* Roy.
Dean Winchester: Sam the guy's playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies, that's a monster in my book!
Sam Winchester: No, we're not gonna kill a human being, Dean! We do that, we're no better than he is.
Dean Winchester: Okay, so we can't kill Roy, we can't kill *death*. Any bright ideas, college boy?
Sam Winchester: Okay, uh, if Roy's using some kinda black spell on the reaper, we gotta figure out what it is. And how to break it.
Sam Winchester: You really think it's *the* Grim Reaper? Like, angel of death, collect your soul, the whole deal?
Dean Winchester: No no no, not *the* reaper, *a* reaper. There's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on earth, they go by a hundred different names. It's possible that there's more than one of 'em.
Sam Winchester: But you said you saw a dude in a suit.
Dean Winchester: Well what, you think he should 'a been workin' the whole black robe thing? You said it yourself that the clock stopped, right? Reapers stop time. And you can only see 'em when they're comin' at you, which is why I could see it and you couldn't.
Sam Winchester: Maybe.
Dean Winchester: There's nothin' else it could be, Sam! The question is, how's Roy controlling the damn thing?
Sam Winchester: That cross.
Dean Winchester: What?
Sam Winchester: There was this cross, I, I noticed it in the church tent, I knew I'd seen it before. Here.
[hands Dean a card]
Dean Winchester: A tarot?
Sam Winchester: It makes sense. I mean, tarot dates back to the early Christian era, right, when some priests were still using magic? And a few of them veered into the dark stuff, necromancy and how to push death away, how to cause it?
Dean Winchester: So Roy is using black magic to bind the reaper.
Sam Winchester: If he is, he's, he's ridin' the whirlwind, it's like puttin' a dog leash on a great white.
Sam Winchester: Something... Something bad, is happening in Oasis Plains. We think, it might have something to do with some old bones we found down there. Native American bones.
Joe White Tree: [nodding] I'll tell you what my grandfather told me. What his grandfather told him. Two hundred years ago, a band of my ancestors lived in that valley. One day, American cavalry came to relocate them. They were resistant, the cavalry impatient. As my grandfather put it, on a night the moon and the sun shared the sky as equals, the cavalry first raided our village. They murdered, raped... The next day, the cavalry came again, and the next and the next. And on the sixth night the cavalry came one last time, and by the time the sun rose, every man, woman and child still in the village was dead. They say on the sixth night as the chief of the village lay dying, he whispered to the heavens, that no white man would ever tarnish this land again. Nature would rise up and protect the valley. And it would bring as many days of misery and death to the white man, as the cavalry had brought upon his people.
Dean Winchester: Insects. Sounds like nature to me. Six days.
Joe White Tree: And on the night of the sixth day, none would survive.
Cody Martin: London, save me!
[he jumps towards her arms and falls to the floor]
Carey: [frantic] Mr. Moseby, Zach just left for the math camp.
Mr. Moseby: Perfect, it's like falling in love twice!
Carey: But it's worse than that. London's driving.
Mr. Moseby: Oh, no.
Carey: So how do we find them?
Mr. Moseby: Simple. Look for the only car on the highway going in reverse.
[Dean and Sam find an old Indian playing cards in a diner]
Sam Winchester: Joe White Tree?
Sam Winchester: We'd like to ask you a few questions, if that's all right.
Dean Winchester: We're students from the university.
Joe White Tree: No you're not. You're lying.
Dean Winchester: Um. Well, truth is...
Joe White Tree: You know who starts sentence with "truth is"? Liars.
[Dean looks at Sam]
Sam Winchester: Have you heard of Oasis Plains? It's a housing development, near the Otoka Valley.
[White Tree looks at Dean]
Joe White Tree: I like him. He's not a liar.
Cody Martin: It's the ghost! And it's coming this way!
London Tipton: And it's holding a club!
Cody Martin: Now it's eating the club!
Arwin: It's not a club, it's a sub. Meatball marinara. Want a bite?
London Tipton: Aaaaahhhh!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: What's wrong with a guy eating sub?
London Tipton: The guy who's eating the sub. No offense, but I always thought you were kind of creepy.
Arwin: None taken. Everybody says that, including mother.
Esteban: Where are the little-er people?
Zack Martin: We're playing hide-and-seek.
Cody Martin: And we lose.
Zack Martin: What do you mean?
Cody Martin: They're gone!
Sam Winchester: So, I put together a list: everyone Roy's healed, six people over the past year, and I cross-checked 'em with the local obits. Every time someone was healed, someone else died. And each time, the victim died of the same symptom Le Grange was healing at the time.
[cut to a woman jogging in the woods]
Dean Winchester: [voiceover] Someone's healed of cancer, someone else *dies* of cancer?
Sam Winchester: [voiceover] Somehow, Le Grange is trading a life for another.
[cut back to Dean and Sam]
Dean Winchester: Wait wait wait. So, Marshall Hall *died* to save me?
Sam Winchester: Dean. The guy probably would have died anyway. And someone else would've been healed.
Dean Winchester: [angry] You never should have brought me here.
Sam Winchester: Dean, I was just trying to save your life.
Dean Winchester: But Sam, some guy is dead now because of me!
Sam Winchester: I didn't know.
[cut to Le Grange about to heal an old man]
Rev. Roy Le Grange: Pray with me, friends.
Sam Winchester: [voiceover] The thing I don't understand, is how is Roy doing it? How, how is he trading a life for a life?
[cut to Dean]
Dean Winchester: Oh he's not doin' it.
[cut to the jogger]
Dean Winchester: Something else is doing it for him.
Sam Winchester: What do you mean?
Dean Winchester: The old man I saw onstage.
[the jogger turns around and sees the gray man; cut back to Dean and Sam]
Dean Winchester: I didn't want to believe it, but deep down, I knew it.
Sam Winchester: You knew what? What're you talkin' about?
Dean Winchester: There's only one thing that can give and take life like that. We're dealin' with a reaper.
[cut to the jogger running for her life; the reaper takes her]
Dean Winchester: What'd you find out?
Sam Winchester: [quietly] I'm sorry.
Dean Winchester: Sorry 'bout what?
Sam Winchester: Marshall Hall... died at 4: 17.
Dean Winchester: The exact time I was healed.
Sam Winchester: Yeah.