London: I'm going to a party and I have nothing to wear!

Maddie: Well, what about this? It's brand new.

London: Oh, that hideous thing? I just bought that so someone else couldn't!

Det. Sgt. George Carter: I'm trying to lose some weight.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Listen, if you're really serious about that, you ought to try the onion diet.

Det. Sgt. George Carter: I'm trying to lose a few pounds - not all my friends!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: You haven't got any friends.

Lobo: [to Superman] Now, the more you move, the worse it'll hurt, so feel free to go crazy.

Bizarro: [sees his reflection] What am me?

Mercy Graves: Bizarro, that's what you am!

Lex Luthor: Mercy...

Bizarro: Bizarro? That not my name.

Mercy Graves: If the shoe fits, handsome.

Bizarro: No! Me am Superman. Me am hero. Me show you.

[flies through the ceiling]

Lex Luthor: That's coming out of your pay.

Agent M: I am Agent M.

Mario Mario: I see.

Agent M: Not C. M!

Luigi: Oh.

Agent M: Not O! I'm M. Agent O is on vacation.

[Regan has arrested Brenda for kidnapping his daughter]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Have you any idea what you've done to her mother? She could end up in a psychiatric ward because of you.

Brenda: [lamely] Sorry.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: [angrily] Sorry? Too bloody late for that! If you were Alan Foss, I'd take you somewhere quiet and I'd make sure you never walked straight again!

Lobo: Holy fragaroni! F-feels like I'm being torn apart! Cool.

Superman: I know it's tough to turn down a dare, but sometimes being brave means using your head and not doing something dangerous just because other kids pressure you.

Tommy: You're right, Superman. I'll be smarter next time.

Boy #1: Yeah. Thanks, Superman.

Superman: [pats Tommy on the head] Okay then. Bye now.

[Flies off]

Boy #2: What a dork.

Tommy: Is not!

Boy #2: Of course he is, with that corny little speech...

[first lines]

Mario "Jumpman" Mario: No peeking!

Tuck: The papparazi are paying $20,000 to get a picture of that wedding.

Zack Martin, Cody Martin: We'd be rich!

Cody Martin: And we could pay mom back!

Zack Martin: We'd be rich!

Cody Martin: We wouldn't be burdens!

Zack Martin: We'd be rich!

Cody Martin: We could give the rest of the money to charity!

Zack Martin: I swear we're not related.

Kate Regan: I still love you, Jack. And I still hate you. Well, not you, maybe - the job.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: You can't separate a man from his work, Kate.

Kate Regan: That's the trouble.

Lobo: The name's Lobo. That's L as in "lacerate," O as in "obliterate," B as in "disem-bowel," and O as in, uh... well, I guess I can use "obliterate" twice. Huh, what do you think?

Superman: I think you're a certifiable madman.

[picks Lobo up and throws him into a police car]

Lobo: Thanks.

[Bizarro is holding up a collapsing roof to allow Superman to save Lois]

Bizarro: Me hold, you save Lois. Me no am Superman, you am Superman. Superman always save Lois.

Lois Lane: You ARE a hero.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario: [first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's Log number 22-37, we were in a land of damsels in distress and knights in shiny armor, the legendary Cramalot.

Zack Martin: I like the way you think, sweet thang!

Cody Martin: You like anything she thinks, desperate thang!

[Regan and Carter find Stanley Proctor's body lying on the floor of his ransacked shop]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: They really laid into him.

Det. Sgt. George Carter: Poor little bastard.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: [bitterly and sarcastically] He was sixty-three, five foot four and asthmatic - he must have *really* given them a bad time.

Lois Lane: I'm confused, Kent. See, I've lived in Metropolis most of my life and I can't figure out how some yokel from Smallville is suddenly getting every hot story in town.

Clark Kent: Well, Lois, the truth is I'm actually Superman in disguise, and I only pretend to be a journalist in order to hear about disasters as they happen and then squeeze you out of the byline.

Lois Lane: You're a sick man, Kent.

Clark Kent: You asked.

Bizarro: They am no Superman! Me am Superman!

Lex Luthor: Sorry my friend, but you am toast.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: The hairs on my wooden leg tell me that something is up.

Lobo: Hey, how's it going, chief? Uh, maybe you can help me, I'm new in town and I'm looking to find this geek here.

[He tosses down a hologram of Superman]

Desk Cop: Superman? We don't keep tabs on him. He only shows up if there's trouble.

Lobo: [grins] I can do trouble.

[He draws his blaster]

[last lines]

Lex Luthor: I'm waiting.

[Mercy gets out of the limousine and opens the door for him. He gets in, and she trades a look with Superman, then drives off]

Superman: Just a stray.

Ava Gregory: Guys! You guys! Bradin didn't come home last night!

Johnny Durant: Well...you know Bradin, He's uh he's gonna be fine

Jay Robertson: Most likely better than fine...

Johnny Durant: You think?

Jay Robertson: Well...

Ava Gregory: Ok, somebody better tell me what's going on!

Jay Robertson: Possibly some very big...stuff.

Ava Gregory: How big?

Johnny Durant: Oh I'd say something you only do once in your lifetime big!

Ava Gregory: Oh my god!

Bradin Westerly: Oh, it was so hot. I guess I just kinda fell asleep at the beach last night.

Johnny Durant: Any change left from last night?

Bradin Westerly: Haha..no.

Johnny Durant: Ohhh.

Jay Robertson: Touchdown!

Ava Gregory: Are you kidding me? What did you do when he told you his plans? Did you slap him on the back and give him a high five?!

Johnny Durant: ...and a few condoms

Ava Gregory: A few!?

Mr. Moseby: [hearing the Tipton is in trouble] I'm coming, Mama!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: I sometimes hate this bastard place! It's a bloody holiday camp for thieves and weirdos - all the rubbish. You age prematurely trying to sort some of them out. Try and protect the public, and all they do is call you fascist. You nail a villain and some ponced-up pinstripe Hampstead barrister screws it up like an old fag-packet on a point of procedure, then pops off for a game of squash and a glass of madeira. He's taking home thirty grand a year, and we can just about afford ten days in Eastbourne and a second-hand car. It's all bloody wrong, my son.

[Bowman is sitting in the gas chamber, awaiting execution]

Detective Kurt Bowman: How did he survive that car bomb. How?

[realization sets in]

Detective Kurt Bowman: He's Superman!

[executioner releases the gas]

Clark Kent: Granted, Lois, Luthor does a lot of strange things. But what reason could he possibly have for trying to fool his own bodyguard?

Lois Lane: Maybe he just needed some space. Haven't you ever noticed how she hovers over him, everywhere he goes?

Clark Kent: But Lois, that's her job.

Lois Lane: It's no wonder why you're still single, Kent.

Malcom Frink: I've created number crunches, I've created digital munches, but this is the first STUPID virus I've ever made!

Cody Martin, Tapeworm: Zack kissed a girl! Zack kissed a girl!

Carey: Boys, stop teasing Zack and be mature.

[they stop]

Arwin: Zack kissed a girl! Zack kissed a girl! Zack kissed a girl! He kissed a girl, a female! A female...

[Arwin stops, but accidentally sticks his hand in some cake, then eats it]

Arwin: Cake makes me crazy.

[a woman in a short tennis skirt bends over, showing her knickers. Regan and Stanley Proctor leer at her]

Stanley Proctor: I could be arrested for what you were thinking!

Superman: [narrating] Luck. That's what it all boils down to, doesn't it? The smallest break one way or the other. It can save a life or destroy one. And you can't fight it, no matter how strong you are.

Lois Lane: But who'd want to destroy Luthor?

[notices Clark's look]

Lois Lane: Well, yeah, but who'd be crazy enough to try?

Inventor Black: Well I'm afraid the doors are closed, Supergran.

Supergran: Aye. Well observed, professor.

London: [London is talking to Mr Mosby] When will he learn that education and me just don't mix?

Maddie: It's education and I.

London: Hello, this isn't about you!

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: SHUT IT!

[watching Lois depart early from Clark's funeral]

Superman: Well, so much for sentiment.

[after Luthor's Sky Sentry weapon fails during a press conference]

Lex Luthor: Those jackals are going to crucify me!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Ok. It's time to strip and make the bed

London: Ok, if that's what poor people do...

[starts to get undressed]

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Whoa there big girl! I meant strip the sheets off the bed and put on new ones.

Zack Martin: What are you doing here?

Maddie: Saving your butt before I kick it!

Zack Martin: [smiling deviously] Is that a threat or a promise?

Nick Slaughter: This is where you get out.

Cathy Paige: What, what are you talking about. There are people out there who are trying to kill me.

Nick Slaughter: Yeah, and there are others who are trying to restrain themselves.

Jonathan Kent: It's not like he's really dead, Martha. He just can't be Clark anymore.

Superman: But I *am* Clark. I need to be Clark. I'd go crazy if I had to be Superman all the time.

Brainiac: I needed a way to get your attention.

Lex Luthor: There's always e-mail.

Clarence, Duke of Claridge: I only travel by gold coach or State landor.

Ilsa: You there, candy girl.

Maddie: My name's Maddie.

Ilsa: Ya, candy girl. I see you punched in at 4: 01. You were supposed to be here at 4: 00 to work on London's poochie party.

Maddie: Oh, sorry.

Ilsa: 4: 00 means 4: 00. I am docking you for that minute.

Maddie: That's a dime.

Ilsa: A dime you'll never see!

Sylvie Girard: I'm sure you're going to have time to finish your book. How's it going?

Nick Slaughter: Well it's a little complicated. I think the victim was killed by a character from another novel.

Lois Lane: Nice work, Smallville. You're only the second person I've ever seen get under Lex's skin.

Clark Kent: Who's the first?

Lois Lane: Me, when I dumped him.

Clark Kent: Whoa!

Lois Lane: Ancient history.

The Toyman: A childhood is a terrible thing to lose, Miss Lane. But I'm getting mine back - with a vengeance.

Cody Martin: [to Maddie] Don't let fear in your cockpit.

Carey Martin: Don't let what in your where?

Jason Harrington: Hey, man! Recycle that!

Kyle: You serious?

Maddie: [running over to Jason] You recycle?

Jason Harrington: Sure. Bottles, cans, everything.

Maddie: Since when?

Jason Harrington: Since my father bought Oregon and started chopping down the trees. You've heard of Octicorp?

Maddie: The center of all evil?

Jason Harrington: That's Dad!

Nick Slaughter: [to Rupert] You look like you were poured into that dress and forgot to say when.

Superman: As far as I've been able to piece together, I'm the last survivor of a planet called Krypton.

Lois Lane: [skeptical] Krypton?

Superman: Uh-huh.

Lois Lane: Okay...

Superman: You don't believe me.

Lois Lane: It's a little much.

Superman: Fair enough. All I ask is that you tell the truth about me.

Lois Lane: And that is?

Superman: I'm not here to scare anyone. In fact, I always try to help people whenever possible.

Lois Lane: You sound too good to be true. What's your secret?

Superman: What do you mean?

Lois Lane: Well you do go around in blue tights and a cape all the time, do you? What do you do in your off hours?

Superman: I think that's a question for another time.

[Flies away]

Martha Kent: [seeing Kalibak run after Superman] Clark! Look out!

Lois Lane: [confused] Clark? Where-?

Carey: We may live in a palace, but we're not royalty.

Zack Martin: I think you're a queen, Mommy.

Carey: Aww. Put a sock in it!

Nick Slaughter: [referring to Rupert in his 'dress'] The man looks like he was poured into this and forgot to say when.

Clark Kent: All of a sudden people are calling me "Superman." Some of them are even afraid of me, just like Jor-El and Lara warned. Does this mean I'm going to have to give up my life?

Jonathan Kent: No, son. It doesn't matter where you came from, or what you can do. You'll always be Clark Kent. Superman just helps out now and again.

Lois Lane: Inspector, is the S.C.U. really prepared to deal with Livewire?

Dan Turpin: If that short circuit shows her mug anywhere in this town, I will personally...

Livewire: [Voice only] Pucker up and plant a big wet one right on the lips!

[Livewire shows up in person and kisses Turpin on the lips, causing speakers to blow out one by one]

Razor: Maybe we should have tried the unleaded vulcano?

Clark Kent: Now that I've moved to Metropolis, it's gonna be impossible to keep a low profile.

Jonathan Kent: Yeah, I can see how touching an airplane down in the middle of a city might turn a few heads.

[last lines]

Superman: "Fortress of Solitude"? It's not exactly lonely up here. Though I am the only Kryptonian. And lately, I think it's best that it stay that way.

Brandi: [when she grounds London] A mother is never happy when she punishes her child.

London Tipton: Well the child ain't so thrilled either!

Zack Martin: Hey beautiful. You know I don't always smell like this. Unless you like it

T-Bone: As Razor would say, 'Bingo!'

[Superman appears hovering outside Luthor's window. Luthor rolls it down]

Lex Luthor: Sorry, but we already have a window washer.

[silence]

Lex Luthor: Oh, the silent treatment, eh? Well, I don't know what you think you heard out there, but I know what you can prove, and it's nothing. You see, uh..."Superman," I own Metropolis. My technology built it, my will keeps it going, and nearly two-thirds of its people work for me, whether they know it or not. Even you have to admit it's a model of efficiency.

[Silence]

Lex Luthor: And yet, I've often thought it's a waste of my talents staying in just one city. Why not focus my efforts on a more global scale? A being with your abilities could be very useful to me in that regard. Why don't you float on in and we'll discuss it, face-to-face?

[silence. Luthor finally loses his composure]

Lex Luthor: SAY SOMETHING!

[He grabs a model of the Lexo-skel and throws it. Superman catches it and crushes it to powder between his hands]

Superman: I'll be watching you, Luthor.

[after Jax-Ur has sent Superman into the Phantom Zone]

Lois Lane: I'm gonna personally lead the army that vaporizes you two!

Mala: Or vice-versa. Either way, see you soon.

Patrick: Tonight's special is chicken fingers. They come with curly fries, and a free ice cream shaped like a clown.

Max: Is it modeled after you?

Cmdr. Ulysses Feral: What do you think I am, stupid?

Razor, T-Bone: Bingo.

Lawyer: And so, as the agreed-upon merchandise never left Metropolis, my client the Regent respectfully requests a full and prompt refund.

Lex Luthor: We had an understanding. All I had to do was arrange for the Regent's men to take possession, and they did. And now, because of this alien's interference, you expect me to eat a billion dollars?

Jax-Ur: So this is Kal-El. Your father was a clever man, though I see you share his poor judgment in choosing sides.

Superman: I'm glad to disappoint you.

Mala: [wrenches his head up] You will face the general when he addresses you!

Jax-Ur: It seems a shame to kill the only other survivor of Krypton. I'd offer you a place in our new order, but something tells me you'd turn it down.

Superman: I guess you're not as dumb as you look!

Hatty the Hat Hatterley: Well, now Scunner, me old fat toad, what's next on the agenda?

[Esteban, Maddie, London, Zack, and Cody are arguing about who is going to get the biggest cut of the treasure]

Arwin: [interrupting] Dogs have cleaner tongues than people!

[everyone backs away from him]

Dr. Anton Arcane: That loud-mouth whore desecrates the memory of my wife!

[after dismantling the Lexo-skel and pulling Corben out of it]

Superman: Shall we go a few rounds without the suit?

John Corben: Uh-uh.

Superman: Too bad.

Jax-Ur: [sniffs the air] Fossil fuel engines.

Mala: Primitive, aren't they?

Jax-Ur: But so was Krypton, centuries ago. I see great potential for these beings, under my guiding hand. We'll begin our conquest as soon as my powers are up to yours.

Mala: And after we've gotten rid of that one little obstacle.

Jax-Ur: The son of Jor-El... almighty Rao has brought me full circle, Mala. Giving me a planet to rule, and a chance for revenge.

Antauri: I will give you an observation though. The female species is one of the great mysteries in the universe.

Maddie: [to the Twins] So I've re-arranged the candy bar, so tell me What draws your eye?

Zack Martin: You do, Sweet Thang!

Maddie: Please, some of this candy is older than you.

Tatania: He's a genius. I want you to know that today his work received worldwide attention.

[looking at footage of Superman]

Lois Lane: Nice "S"...

Clark Kent: Excuse me?

Lois Lane: Here, that "S." He's strong, he flies, he's the Nietschian fantasy all wrapped up in a red cape... the Super-Man.

Clark Kent: "Super-man"?

Perry White: Hey, I like it! "Superman!" It's catchy, it sticks with you, the kind of name that looks great splashed across three columns! Make it four.

Mala: I think I found your weakness:

[referring to Lois]

Mala: you care about that twig!

Superman: I care about everyone, though you're pushing it right now.

Clarence, Duke of Claridge: Oi, you! Mugwash! Mugwash, or whatever your name is.

Carey: [talking about baby-sitters] I was thinking maybe Maddie - works in the gift shop. She needs the money, like us.

Cody Martin: Oh, Maddie.

Zack Martin: [to Cody, miming hourglass shape] Baby's got it going on!

Carey: She's got what going where?

Zack Martin: I don't know what I'm saying.

Carey: Yeah, you better not.

Dr. Anton Arcane: I figured that one out while you were doing your... swamp thing.

Martha Kent: Still, it wouldn't be bad if people knew a little more about Superman. I don't want anyone thinking you're like that nut in Gotham City.

Lex Luthor: As long as I have the rock, you can't stop me. But it is bothersome to have you always trying, so, the deal is this: you leave me and my operations alone, and I and my little green rock will leave you alone.

Superman: I don't make deals with criminals.

Lex Luthor: I control everything in this town, Superman, your co-operation is not really necessary. The offer was merely a courtesy.

Superman: [glaring] You will *never* control me, Luthor. Never!

[flies off]

Lex Luthor: Well, then, I guess I'll have to kill you.

Mario "Jumpman" Mario: [first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's Log, number 007; we arrived in Spy Land.

London: I'll crush you so bad, you won't have a penny to your name. And you'll have to work like a dog for the rest of your life!

Maddie: Ha! I'm already there!

Dr. Anton Arcane: I don't mind telling you I'm buzzed. Why'd you sneak this past the FDA? It'd put the coffee makers out of business, and make a bloody fortune.

[Lois finds Clark ahead of her at the Lexcorp press conference]

Lois Lane: How'd you get here before me?

Clark Kent: Well, I just flew.

Lois Lane: What'd you get?

Clark Kent: [puts away his notebook] A shared byline, if you use it.

Lois Lane: I take it back. You're not the rube hayseed I took you for.

Clark Kent: Thanks... I think.

Lex Luthor: You work for me, Peterson. There shouldn't be an opinion in your head that I didn't put there!

Mario "Jumpman" Mario: [first line in cartoon segment] Plumber's log 2-21, the Snow World.

Cody Martin: Remember. If you can conceive, you can achieve and if you can acheive ...

London Tipton: I hate that saying!

Jolie: [in French] Papa, Cody m'a demander de sortir avec lui demain soir. P'ui j'aller?

[Daddy, Cody asked me out for a date with him tomorrow night. Can I go? ]

Maurice Fruggard: A date? You will need a chaperone!

Mr. Moseby: I completely agree.

Maurice Fruggard: Good. So you'll do it!

Mr. Moseby: Say what?

Maurice Fruggard: Say yes, or we're checking out.

Carey Martin: The more you connect with them the less your stuff they'll break.

Mr. Moseby: You really expect me to believe that?

Carey Martin: No... Mr. Moesby, please, please, please, please, please! I never get a day to myself and the boys love you.

Mr. Moseby: They love me?

Carey Martin: No, but they might if you took them to a baseball game.

Guest #1: Well, I can't believe that hotel guy won't take his own kids to a baseball game.

Mr. Moseby: They're not my...

Guest #2: That's just not right.

Mr. Moseby: But I hate baseball.

Guest #1: Now that's just un-American.

Guest #2: Can you believe this guy? I guess you hate apple pie too, huh, fella? And puppies. And your own mama.

Mr. Moseby: Sir...

[shouts]

Mr. Moseby: I love my mama!

[to Carey]

Mr. Moseby: I'd love to take the boys to the game. What time is kick-off?

Maitre'd: Well, if it isn't little miss "I'm sorry, but this hotel doesn't stock your favorite flavor of gum."

Maddie: Maitre'd, no-one likes coconut-flavored gum.

Maitre'd: I do, so apparently, I'm a nobody.

Cody Martin: Hey mom! e got 3 tickets so you can take us to the game tomorro!

Zack Martin: Won't that be fun?

Mr. Moseby: [scene change] Not fun!

Mr. Moseby: Ho many times have I told you not to disturb the guests?

Cody Martin: 2708

Zack Martin: But it never gets old...

[Mr. Moseby is at a Red Sox vs. Yankees game with Zach and Cody]

Mr. Moseby: Stealing a base, while "theatrical," is statistically inadvisable!

Fan: I'll tell you what's inadvisable. Shooting off your mouth when you don't know diddly!

Mr. Moseby: Well, I'm sure that this Diddly is a fine fellow!

Maddie: London, I should have told you that you weren't a very good singer.

London: A very 'well' singer.

Lance: Water spilled all on our instrument and like now they're like wet and don't work. I thought water was good but I quess it has a dark side.

Zack Martin: We're gonna beat you in the battle of the bands.

Maddie: No you're not.

Zack Martin: Yeah, we have great looks, a great song and... we're 12 and cute!

Maddie: Yeah. well I'm 15 and hot.

Zack Martin: You are good.

Tapeworm: [opens the closet to see that Zack and Cody are gone] Oh, no, there gone! They've been sucked into a black hole and are hurdling through time and space.

Max: Or they crawled through that vent.

Tapeworm: Now let's not get carried away.

London: I'm not sure I like this tangerine!

Maddie: No, London. That's a tam*bour*ine. A tan*ger*ine is what the audience is going to throw at you.