Agnes: Do you like it when I feed you?

Cody Martin: Yes. But I could feed myself if you untied me.

Count Montressor: Early in the war, when the Fascists were in full power, I had to give the property to a General Fortunato. Actually, Fortunato used to be a stable boy here, but he rose by devious means until he became one of Mussolini's favorites and after that a general.

Bronson Pinchot: Reminds me of a cheap carnival where everybody's gone home and somehow our moms forgot to pick us up.

Todd St. Mark: And when I do become a dentist, I will fix that overbite!

Maddie: [gasping and covering her mouth] Some people think it's...

[covering her overbite with her lip]

Maddie: cute.

[walks away]

Rich Connelly: Take us on your hand, Lord, and lead us to the truth.

Agnes: This is so romantic. Do you like it when I feed you?

Cody Martin: Yes. Although, I could feed myself if you untied me.

Agnes: But if I untied you, you might try to run away again.

Cody Martin: No I wouldn't. And it's not because you nailed my feet to the floor, which by the way, is taking most of the enjoyment out of this tasty mac and cheese.

Agnes: Let me pull those nails right out!

Cody Martin: AAAARRGGGHHH!

Cody Martin: [Wakes up from his nightmare] Man! I just had the scariest dream in the history of scary dreams.

Agnes: What was it about, honey?

Cody Martin: AAGGHH!

Zack Martin: Hey, guys.

Cody Martin: How'd she get in here?

Zack Martin: I let her in.

Cody Martin: Why?

Zack Martin: [Shrugs] Kicks. By the way, you'd better get dressed. Your wedding's in 10 minutes!

Cody Martin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wedding?

Agnes: [Suddenly appearing in a wedding dress] Hi, hubby-wubby!

Carey: [Showing Cody his wedding tux] Told ya it'd all work out!

Cody Martin: [Wakes up from nightmare] AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

Zack Martin: Man, I've been watching you scream for 10 minutes.

Cody Martin: Why didn't you wake me?

Zack Martin: There was nothing on TV.

Laura Daughtery: Do happen to have a knife on you?

Rich Connelly: I got my pants on, don't I?

Carey: Cody, don't you have something to say to your brother?

Cody Martin: I'm sorry I flicked flour in your face.

Carey: Zack?

Zack Martin: I'm sorry you're my brother.

Catlin Bloom: You sure you can drive?

Miles Barnett: I did steal a car once.

Catlin Bloom: Where's all the water?

Miles Barnett: It's receded. The wave. It's coming.

London: In 30 minutes, Ivana's picture will be floating all over Boston.

Maddie: What about Scamp?

London: Get your own blimp!

Dr. Laura Daughtery: Marianas Trench. It's going to the bottom of the world.

London: What about the people with tperyodactilitus?

Rich Connelly: You came out here in the middle of a tsunami to get me?

Dr. Laura Daughtery: Yeah.

Rich Connelly: Oh, attagirl.

Haley Collins: So, really, I don't know how to thank you.

[Dean smirks suggestively]

Haley Collins: Must you cheapen the moment?

Dean Winchester: Yeah!

Lord Corcoran: Oh, and on Mumsy's side, I had a Great-Great Uncle who's human was the Duke of Windsor.

Ivana: He may be a Windsor, but you are a loser.

Dean Winchester: Spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors if they want inside, they just go through the walls.

Sam Winchester: So it's probably something else, something corporeal.

Dean Winchester: Corporeal? 'Scuse me, professor.

Cody Martin: Welcome to planet Whoooooo!

Sam Winchester: You think Dad was texting us?

Dean Winchester: He's given us co-ordinates before.

Sam Winchester: The man can barely work a toaster, Dean.

Dean Winchester: You know we're going to find him, right?

Sam Winchester: Yeah. But, in the meantime, I'm driving.

Haley Collins: Why didn't you just tell me that from the start?

Dean Winchester: I'm telling you now. Besides, it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman. Ever. So we okay?

Haley Collins: Yeah, okay.

Dean Winchester: And what do you mean I didn't pack provisions?

[pulls out a huge bag of M&Ms; and starts eating as he walks away]

Sam Winchester: So, we've got half a chance in the daylight. And I, for one, wanna kill this evil son of a bitch.

Dean Winchester: Well, hell you know I'm in!

Agnes: You're MY little rebel.

Zack Martin: [whimpers] But, you like Cody!

Dean Winchester: Dude, check out the size of this friggin' bear.

Agnes: That popping noise you hear? Yeah! That's my shoulder!

Dean Winchester: But the way I see it, Dad's given us a job to do and I intend to do it.

Haley Collins: How do you know about this stuff?

Dean Winchester: It kinda runs in the family.

Dean Winchester: Guns are useless, so are knives. Basically we gotta torch the sucker.

Dean Winchester: [to Wendigo] Hey, you want some white meat, bitch? I'm right here!

[Dean has been taken by the Wendigo; Sam finds a trail of peanut M&M;'s on the ground]

Sam Winchester: [laughs] It's better than bread crumbs.

Sam Winchester: I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about.

Dean Winchester: Ok, all right, Sam. We'll find them, I promise. Listen to me, you've gotta prepare yourself. I mean this search could take a while, and all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul, it's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man.

Maddie: So you got everything you ever wanted?

London: Uh huh.

Maddie: Even on your birthday?

London: Uh huh. And Hannauka.

Maddie: But you're not Jewish.

London: And miss the 8 days of presents. Tshh, not this chick.

Dean Winchester: You wanna tell me what's goin' on in that freaky head of yours?

Sam Winchester: Dean...

Dean Winchester: No you're not fine. You're like a powder keg man it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?

Sam Winchester: Why are we still even here?

Dean Winchester: [pulls out John's journal] This is why. This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession. Everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off. You know, saving people, hunting things. The family business.

Dean Winchester: What are we going to tell her? She can't go into the woods because of a big, scary monster?

Dean Winchester: Since when are you all shoot first, ask questions later, anyway?

Sam Winchester: Since now.

Agnes: Shh, don't speak!

[puts a finger on Zacks lips]

Agnes: Your eyes speak for you!

Zack Martin: I wish they'd shut up!

Sam Winchester: How do you do it? How does Dad do it?

Dean Winchester: Well for one, them. I mean, our family's so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little bit more bearable. And I tell you what else helps. Killing as many evil sons-of-bitches as I possibly can.

London: Maddie... that Romeo and Juliet book has a happy ending, right?

Maddie: Uh... yeah!

[London walks away; Maddie shakes her head and mouths "no"]

Dean Winchester: You okay?

Sam Winchester: Yeah, I'm fine.

Dean Winchester: Another nightmare?

[Sam clears his throat but doesn't answer]

Dean Winchester: You wanna drive for a while?

[Sam laughs, incredulous]

Sam Winchester: Dean, your whole life you never once asked me that.

London: [about Todd] I'd love him even if he were poor.

Mr. Moseby: Really?

London: [beat] Yeah.

Dean Winchester: Man, I hate camping.

Sam Winchester: Me too.

Dean Winchester: So, Roy, you said you've done a little hunting?

Roy: Yeah, more than a little.

Dean Winchester: Uh huh. What kind of furry critters do you hunt?

Roy: Mostly buck, sometimes bear.

Dean Winchester: Tell me, Bambi or Yogi ever hunt you back?

[Maddie got caught sneaking her dog into work]

Mr. Moseby: Now Madeline, we have strict rules about dogs in this hotel.

Maddie: But, Ivana gets to stay in the hotel with London.

Mr. Moseby: She's a Tipton.

Maddie: But my house is being fumigated and Scamp has nowhere to go.

[baby talk]

Maddie: Please? Wook at his wittle face.

[Maddie, Scamp, and Esteban give him puppy dog pouts]

Mr. Moseby: Very well, but I don't want my rug soiled. That goes for all of you.

Roy: You're rangers?

Dean Winchester: That's right.

Haley Collins: And you're hiking out in biker boots and jeans?

Dean Winchester: Oh sweetheart, I don't do shorts.

Agnes: Excuse me. Could you play the violin when my date arrives?

Maitre'd: [Sarcastically] Of course. Then I'll ride a unicycle and juggle some bananas.

Agnes: Could you?

Maitre'd: [to himself] Could this evening get any worse?

Zack Martin: Yo, dude!

Maitre'd: Apparently, it can.

Sam Winchester: [sketching a tree from his dream] Wait, I've seen this.

Dean Winchester: Seen what?

[Sam gets up, fishes John's journal out of a bag]

Dean Winchester: What're you doin'?

[Sam finds a family photo and compares it to his sketch]

Sam Winchester: Dean, I know where we have to go next.

Dean Winchester: Where?

Sam Winchester: Back home. Back to Kansas.

Dean Winchester: Okay, random. Where'd that come from?

Sam Winchester: All right, um.

[hands Dean the picture]

Sam Winchester: This photo was taken in front of our old house, right? The house where Mom died?

Dean Winchester: Yeah...

Sam Winchester: And it didn't burn down, right? I mean not completely, they rebuilt it, right?

Dean Winchester: I guess so, yeah. What the hell are you talkin' about?

Sam Winchester: Okay, look. This is gonna sound crazy, but, the people who live in our old house, I think they might be in danger.

Dean Winchester: Why would you think that?

Sam Winchester: [uncomfortable] Uh. I just, um. Look, just, you gotta trust me on this, okay?

Agnes: Where'd he go?

Cody Martin: Nothing you can do will make me tell.

Agnes: Five bucks.

Cody Martin: Soccer practice.

Missouri Moseley: Well, there's no spirits in there anymore, this time for sure.

Sam Winchester: Not even my Mom?

Missouri Moseley: No.

Sam Winchester: What happened?

Missouri Moseley: Your Mom's spirit and the poltergeist's energy, they canceled each other out. Your Mom destroyed herself goin' after the thing.

Sam Winchester: Why would she do somethin' like that?

Missouri Moseley: Well to protect her boys, of course.

[pause]

Missouri Moseley: Sam I'm sorry.

Sam Winchester: For what?

Missouri Moseley: You sensed it was here, didn't you? Even when I couldn't.

Sam Winchester: What's happening to me?

Missouri Moseley: I know I should have all the answers, but... I don't know.

[as the poltergeist is attacking]

Sam Winchester: Sairie, take your brother outside as fast as you can, don't look back!

Missouri Moseley: So. You think somethin's back in that house.

Sam Winchester: Definitely.

Missouri Moseley: I... I don't understand.

Sam Winchester: What?

Missouri Moseley: I haven't been back inside, but, I been keepin' an eye on the place and, it's been quiet. No sudden deaths, no freak accidents. Why is it actin' up now?

Sam Winchester: I don't know. But Dad going missing and Jessica dying, and, now this house, all happening at once, it just feels like something's starting.

Dean Winchester: Well that's a comforting thought.

Maddie: We're going to be in-laws!

London: Noooooooo!

Sam Winchester: Okay, so, our Dad. When did you first meet him?

Missouri Moseley: He came for a reading. A few days after the fire. I just told him what was really out there in the dark. I guess you could say, I drew back the curtains for him.

Dean Winchester: What about the fire? Do you... do you know about what killed our Mom?

Missouri Moseley: A little. Your Daddy took me to your house. He was hopin' I could sense the echoes, the fingerprints of this thing.

Sam Winchester: And could you?

Missouri Moseley: A little.

Sam Winchester: What was it?

Missouri Moseley: [softly] I don't know. Oh. But it was evil.

Missouri Moseley: [coming out with a client] All right then. Don't you worry about a thing. You're wife is crazy about you.

[client thanks her, she closes the door after him]

Missouri Moseley: Whew. Poor bastard. His woman is cold-bangin' the gardener.

Dean Winchester: Why didn't you tell him?

Missouri Moseley: People don't come here for the truth. They come for good news.

[the brothers stare at her]

Missouri Moseley: Well? Sam and Dean, come on already, I ain't got all day.

[after learning that John used to go to a palm reader]

Sam Winchester: [looking in a phone book] All right, so there are a few psychics and palm readers in town, there's uh, there's someone named El Divino, there's...

[laughs]

Sam Winchester: There's "the Mysterious Mister Fortinski." Uh, Missouri Moseley...

Dean Winchester: Wait wait. Missouri Moseley?

Sam Winchester: What?

Dean Winchester: That's a psychic?

Sam Winchester: [checking the book] Uh... yeah, yeah I guess so.

[Dean gets the journal out of the car]

Dean Winchester: Dad's journal. Here, look at this. First page, first sentence, read that.

Sam Winchester: [reads] "I went to Missouri, and I learned the truth."

Dean Winchester: [shrugs] I always thought he meant the state.

Zack Martin: Maybe she'll have a lousy time on your date. You are as boring as a stick. Actually, you could play with a stick

Cody Martin: Thanks for trying to cheer me up. But I'm a goner. Nothing I do bothers her.

Zack Martin: That's because you're too nice do something to gross her out. Sneeze on her, pick some eye boogers, braid your nose hairs.

Cody Martin: Eww! That's gross!

Zack Martin: That's the point!

Missouri Moseley: John Winchester, I could just slap you! Why don't you go talk to your children?

John Winchester: I want to. You have no idea how much I want to see 'em. But I can't. Not yet. Not until I know the truth.

Missouri Moseley: [about Sam] That boy. He has such powerful abilities. Why he couldn't sense his own father, I have no idea.

John Winchester: Mary's spirit, do you really think she saved the boys?

Missouri Moseley: I do.

[John touches his wedding ring]

[Sam is being held against the wall by the poltergeist; Dean raises his gun to shoot the approaching fiery figure]

Sam Winchester: No don't! Don't!

Dean Winchester: What, why?

Sam Winchester: Because I know who it is. I can see her now.

[their mother materializes out of the flames; Dean lowers his gun]

Dean Winchester: Mom.

Mary Winchester: [smiling] Dean.

[she walks over to Sam]

Mary Winchester: Sam. I'm sorry.

Sam Winchester: [bewildered] F-for what?

[she looks at him sadly, then turns and addresses the poltergeist]

Mary Winchester: You get out of my house. And let go of my son!

[she goes up in flames and disappears; Sam is released]

Dean Winchester: Well, one thing's for damn sure. Nobody's dying in this house ever again.

[On Cody's girlfriend, Agnes]

Carey: She's a keeper.

Zack Martin: Yeah, in the basement.

Missouri Moseley: I don't know if you boys should be disappointed or relieved but this ain't the thing that killed your mom.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: It's just our sense of humour, Jock.

DS Davy Freeth: And the next bastard that calls me Jock gets his head knocked off!

Dean Winchester: The only thing that makes me more nervous than a pissed off spirit... is the pissed off spirit of a psycho killer.

[Kara exits the Boom Tube onto Apokolips]

Kara: What a toilet!

[sees a colossal statute of Darkseid]

Kara: Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley.

London Tipton: [to Brandi] Look, I don't need you in my life.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: What London means is...

London Tipton: I don't want you in my life!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: And by that she means...

London Tipton: You're not my mother!

Brandi: Look, I'm going to be around for a long, long time. Your father and I love each other.

London Tipton: That's what stepmother #1 said, stepmother #2 said they were soul mates, and stepmother #3 was gone before the charm was even finished. You're just another one of these.

[holds up charm bracelets; Brandi walks away; saddened]

Maddie: London, we have a problem!

London: Maddie, what are you doing out here? You're supposed to be making balloon people for the guests.

Maddie: Yeah, but two of your guests bit me and one of them went tinkle on my leg.

[Regan and Carter have arrived at the leisure centre to find that Col and Ray have disappeared, leaving their car behind. A plane flies overhead]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: They're probably on board - cold beer in one hand and warm stewardess in the other.

Sam Winchester: Dean. When are we gonna talk about it?

Dean Winchester: Talk about what?

Sam Winchester: About the fact that Dad's not here.

Dean Winchester: Oh, uh, let's see, never.

Sam Winchester: I'm being serious, man.

Dean Winchester: So am I, Sam. Look, he sent us here, he obviously wants us here. We'll just have to pick up the search later.

Sam Winchester: It doesn't matter what he wants!

Dean Winchester: See, that attitude, right there? That is why I always got the extra cookie.

Lashina: [to Supergirl] You've got a lot of guts coming here, Blondie.

Stompa: And we're gonna spread 'em all over Apokolips!

Jay Robertson: It's not that hard! Ok you're Nicki. When you and a guy start perving on each other you're like shark biscuits in the dating world and all a guy wants to do is pull out the filler and get in the nutty which uh may not be your bowl of rice. You may wanna pash and snog-

Ava Gregory: Oh you're just doing that on purpose!

Jay Robertson: What? I'm Austrailian, I can't help it!

Susannah Rexford: Men are pathetic cowards!

Carey: He's just trying to keep this hotel running smoothly, and you guys tend to be *un-smooth*.

Cody Martin: Yeah. Un-smooth like when mom doesn't shave her legs for two weeks.

[Two thieves burst into a couple's bedroom brandishing shotguns]

Colin McGruder: Stand and deliver, your money or your wife!

[Wife starts screaming hysterically]

Colin McGruder: On second thoughts, we'll just take the money.

Dean Winchester: Hey, I got a question for ya. You seen a lot of horror movies, yeah?

Katherine: Yeah, I guess so.

Dean Winchester: Do me a favor, next time you see one, pay attention. When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.

[Clark tells Kara to wait for him at his apartment, before heading back to work]

Clark Kent: And *walk*.

Brandi: What's your favorite animal?

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Cat.

London Tipton: Broccoli.

[Maddie and Brandi look at London strangely]

Brandi, London Tipton: Okay... What's your favorite hobby?

Brandi, London Tipton: Shopping!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: Ding, ding, ding! We have a match!

Cody Martin: There's nothing you can do to make us tell

Maddie Fitzpatrick: [flirtatiously] Zackie?

Zack Martin: There's treasure hidden in the hotel

[Carter and Fred have just finished changing the wheel after a puncture. Regan sees Deller running away, leaps into the car and chases after him]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Hello. Mr Deller. You are in good shape, aren't you. My name's Regan, Flying Squad. I think you'd better stop. It'll be better for both of us. You're nicked and I'm not authorized or insured to drive this car.

Bruce Wayne: It's ironic, you know. She

[Lois]

Bruce Wayne: likes Bruce Wayne and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about.

Superman: Too bad we can't mix and match.

Clark Kent: How'd you get here all the way from Kansas?

Kara: You told me not to "vroom" during the day. So I ran.

Mr. Moseby: That may be, London, but at least she's doing something that the other three haven't.

London Tipton: What?

Mr. Moseby: She's trying. Remember how #3 just called you, "that kid?"

London Tipton: Oh, I remember her, "that woman."

Cody Martin: So, how do I look? And be brutal.

Zack Martin: Like a backstabbing French girl stealing jerk in a goofy sweater vest.

Cody Martin: You really think it's goofy?

[Regan and Carter have taken Mr Bradshaw, the auditor, to the pub with the express aim of getting him too drunk to work]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: When he came in, he was drinking lemonade. Now he's on doubles.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Trebles.

DC Jimmy Thorpe: He said he didn't drink. He won't be much use like that.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: [grinning] Oh yes he will. The sky should fall in any minute, then we can send him off home.

Bruce Wayne: [to Clark, referring to Lois] She's all yours now, if you can handle that. But you'd better be good to her... 'cause I know where you live.

Secretary: Mr. Kent, your cousin is here to see you.

Clark Kent: My cousin...?

[Kara appears, wearing big glasses and a brown wig]

Kara: [whispering] It's me, Kara.

Clark Kent: I know.

Kara: You saw through my secret identity?

Mario "Jumpman" Mario: [last lines in cartoon segment] They really deserve each other, where next Princess?

Princess Peach Toadstool: How about a carpet cleaner?

[everyone laughs]

Carey: You had your underwear dry-cleaned?

Zack Martin: Feels good!

[Regan and Carter have taken Harry Fuller in for questioning because they want to know how he has got all the cash that he has been buying drinks with. He is blind drunk and incoherent and has thrown up on Carter's jacket. Now they are letting him go]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: There's just one more thing, Harry. Forget about your own problems and put the nation first - have a bath!

Bruce Wayne: [referring to Lois] It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about.

Superman: Too bad we can't mix and match.

Weatherman: So all of you folks in Smallville, Kansas, get out there and enjoy that great, big, beautiful sun.

[cut to Kara flying through the sky, until Clark pulls her down to the ground]

Clark Kent: That's enough of that, Kara.

Kara: Hey, Clark. It was such a nice day, I just thought I'd, you know, vroom!

Clark Kent: What did we talk about? No "vroom" during the daytime.

Reporter: [narrating] But that morning in the Chisleton cakeshop neither Supergranny Smith nor the Scunner Campbell were aware of the effect a sudden announcement was to have on their lives.

Zack Martin: Hey there sweet thang!

[watching a home movie of Paul Ember driving a speedboat on a river]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: That's Paul's eighteenth birthday present. I used to have one of those... in my bath!

Det. Sgt. George Carter: You're only saying that because you know we didn't have a bath.

[Superman crashes in through the ceiling]

The Joker: More powerful than a locomotive... and just about as subtle.

Darkseid: I am many things, Kal-El... here, I am God.

Nikki Westerly: Derrick!, No, get out of my room, Derrick I said get out!

Derrick Westerly: Bradin is gonna kill me!

Nikki Westerly: Look, I don't care ok, my room is off limits! Now would you get out and please stay out!

Susannah Rexford: Hey, hey, hey! Keep world war 3 down a minute! What's goin on?

Nikki Westerly: Derrick just barged in!

Susannah Rexford: You out!

Derrick Westerly: But Bradin will-

Susannah Rexford: Look, if Bradin touches a hair on your head I will rip his ears off!

Derrick Westerly: Oh..ok. cool!

Cody Martin: What kind of name is Tapeworm?

Max: The kind you get when you eat 20 hotdogs in 2 minutes!

Cody Martin: Wow! Beats my record!

Zack Martin: By 18

[an Arab called Abdul has been beaten up and robbed]

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Where had you been?

Abdul: Gambling.

Det. Insp. Jack Regan: Oooh. Who's a naughty Abdul. You wait till Allah hears about this.

Bruce Wayne: [referring to Lois] You realize she's just the bait.

Superman: I'll be careful.

Bruce Wayne: Careful won't cut it. With Joker, expect the unexpected.

Superman: Maybe *you* should've remembered that.

[last lines]

Bruce Wayne: I heard the city's been busy.

Superman: Nothing the kid couldn't handle. I've got to say, for a guy who's supposed to be such a loner, you sure know how to pick a partner.